“Random feeling?” He asks, his breaths labored, pulling me out of my spiraling mind. His eyes are closed and he’s biting his lips, a slight blush coloring his cheeks. “I’m absolutely terrified.”
Terrified? What—
“Don’t start freaking out about something being wrong with you,” he says quickly, squeezing my ass. “I’m terrified to screw up. Wehaveto stop right now, because if you lift your hips just one more time, I’m gonna make a fool of myself,” he sighs, burying his face in my neck. “That’show much I like you. I feel out of control. I’mthisclose to coming in my damned jeans like a fourteen year old at a strip club, and we were onlykissing.”
Oh.Oh…
“And I don’t want to rush this. I want to enjoy every step, every moment. I need you to be sure about me, because if you regret it afterwards, it’s going to wreck me. Because I’m all in. Because the second I get to really have you, I’m not letting you get away again.”
Speechless wouldn’t be the right word, but I can’t form any. Can barelythinkany, to answer what he said.
He finally lifts his head from my neck to look at me, his deep blue eyes almost shimmering in the evening orange light passing through the window, illuminating his face and the space.
“So I’m… I really want this—us, to work.You,to be sure. That’s another reason why we need to hold back. Why I haven’t kissed you before today. I don’t want to be something you regret. Someone you forget, or—”
“Oh my god, stop talking,” I say hurriedly. “Stop. Just—please, stop.”
I see his throat work as he nods once, his head dropping between us in defeat. I grab his face between my hands to lift it back up so he can’t look away.
“Iam terrified,” I say softly. “Because you’re the one who made me think there was something wrong with me, while being the only man who ever told me that I looked beautiful. I know you never meant to hurt me and I’m not mad anymore. We’ve started over, and I’m scared. Because now, you’re real. You’re not just a fantasy in my head. And when someone becomes real, they can hurt you. I’m scared you’ll be bored of me. That you’ll realize that you’vewasted time thinking about me, because the real me is not a fantasy anymore, and you’ll be disappointed.”
“Prue,” he starts, shaking his head softly.
“I’m scared of what’s real, Nate,” I interrupt him again, holding his head so he stops shaking it to look at me. “I mean, I spend my free time storytelling and making stuff up in drawings from things I see. Because reality sucks, and it’s scary. But I’m trying. And I really want this to work too. For the first time in ages, reality feels scary, butgood.I’m scared enough for the both of us, so I need you to be my rock here. It’s getting better, but I’ll always be insecure. I’ll always doubt myself and people around me. And now, I’m placing my trust in you, so please,pleaseNate, I need you to trust me too.”
I lean to rest my forehead against his, closing my eyes and breathing deeply.
“I trust you,” he whispers, circling my waist with his arms, holding me tight against him. “And there’s no way I’ll ever be bored of you.”
I smile, rubbing my nose against his.
“Are you going to stop me again if I kiss you?” I ask.
“Not if you kiss me,” he sighs. “But I’ll have to at some point, if my control snaps again.”
I slide my hands from his cheeks to the back of his head, grazing his scalp softly, brushing my lips against his without truly kissing him.
“Even if I tell you I won’t be regretting it? That I’m sure?”
He groans, and his hold loosens around me before I feel his hands grabbing my hips.
“Unfortunately, yes. I… don’t have protection.”
“You didn’t…”
“No. I didn’t want to assume. And I don’t usually have sex here.”
I pout, frustrated, but also weirdly relieved that I’m not in some sort of bachelor pad where he brings all his hook ups.
“Fine…” I concede, still dropping a couple of featherlight kisses on his lips, and unable to help the arching of my back when his hands tighten on my hips, pushing me down against him.
My core throbs in need and I can’t help the slight rocking of my hips to relieve some of the tension.
“Prue…” He half sighs half moans against my lips.
“Yeah, I know,” I say between kisses. “No sex. Got it.”
“Fuck,” he rasps as I rock against him again.
