Page 73 of The Wonder of You
Because it is.
I shrug my shoulders, what can I say really?
Lydia takes a deep breath and I ready myself for the incoming explosion.
“So, you fuck a man and now you’re obsessed with him? To the point of running away with him?” There is so much anger in her voice, but this time, it doesn’t bother me.
“Lydia!” Dad says as if she’s a child who has just sworn for the first time.
Talk about ruining our moment.
“My relationship isn’t your business,” I tell her as firmly as possible.
“You are my sister!” She looks over at dad. “You’re going to let your daughter just walk away with someone you don’t know? With the fucking circus!”
“Lydia, stop swearing, would you?” he responds calmly. “Your sister is twenty-nine years old. I don’t have control over her life. Have you ever seen her like this before? Happy?”
“Is this really whatyouwant, Renée? You, not him? How can you call this a relationship? It’s been five bloody minutes!” I see the way her eyes glance over at Phoenix as if she’s disgusted by him. “Did you hear what his friend said to me? Is that really the people you want to be around?”
“I’m fine, everything is fine. This is my life.” I soften my voice, understanding that Lydia does care about me, otherwise she wouldn’t be saying any of this. I try to see it in her perspective. Her lonely, miserable sister runs away with the first man she meets. I wish she could understand everything. Talking about my rebirth and how Phoenix and I have actually been together for a time she wouldn’t be able to comprehend would only add to her thinking I am delusional.
“I don’t think you’re safe with them,” she lowers her voice.
“Yes, I am, trust me. You have to trust me. I know what is best for me. I appreciate that you care, but I have this. I really do.” I lean forward and take her hand. Surprise takes over her face.
“I love you, Lydia. I want you to be happy. The house is yours, or Dad’s, whoever wants it. I’m not coming back.”
Again, my sister is speechless. I am joining the circus, going back to the immortals. This is my final show in this world.
“You could sell it though, Renée,” Dad interrupts. “The money on this would be quite a bit, you don’t want that?”
“No,” I say confidently, raising my head high. I let go of Lydia’s hand to reach into my pocket. I give her my bank card with the pin number written underneath on a piece of paper. “I never put the money Nan and Grandad gave me into a savings account, do what you want with it.”
“You’re telling me you don’t want orneedany money?” Her voice is weak and childlike as she absorbs the information. I know she can’t comprehend a life where money doesn’t matter, but I’ve never needed it. It’ll make her happier than it could ever have made me.
“It sounds weird, I get that. But no. I don’t need any of it.”
Lydia squints her eyes and tilts her head at me. Confusion takes her face as she continues to gape at me.
“I suppose this is hello and goodbye, Simon.” I smile at him and he smiles back. He looks genuinely happy for me. I guess he is the only one who is not confused by all this, considering he barely knew me before.
“But… when will we see you again? It’s not like you’re going away forever, is it?” Lydia asks. She looks over at Phoenix, then back to me.
“I’m not sure, we’ll figure something out,” I lie, reminding myself that this is indeed the last time I will be seeing my sister.
“You’ll be home for Christmas?” Simon asks, perhaps attempting to help Lydia out from my lack of answers.
“I’ll let you know. But please…” I look over at Dad for this one. “Please don’t worry.”
I wish I could tell them something so they don’t think I’m another missing person of the town. I don’t want my Dad to believe I’ve simply turned my back and don’t want anything to do with him anymore, so much so that I wouldn’t even bother contacting him on his birthday, or Christmas. Lydia may want me to attend a wedding one day, meet a child. But I can’t. I can’t do those things and I have to hope they believe that after all this time, I’m just happy in leaving everything behind.
I’m not missing, I’ve finally been found.
I turn back to Phoenix. We share a look that we both know means it’s time to go. It’s time to move on. He grabs my suitcase and holds his hand out to me as he reaches the door.
Lydia still looks shocked as she grips onto my bank card. Simon looks around the house that he is finally going to get to work on. I imagine him and Lydia will move in, do it up, perhaps stay here and have kids. Dad looks at me with a bittersweet sort of smile, I can see it in his eyes… he knows I’m not ever coming back.
I nod at him
