Page 62 of The Wonder of You
I could watch them forever but I have something much better in front of me.
As‘’You Are My Destiny’’plays, a song that my grandparents sometimes listened to, I look back at Phoenix and wrap my arms around his shoulders. Only happy thoughts play through my mind as I sing along to the words.
“You are my one and only!” It comes out like a moan, but I don’t care about my bad singing as Phoenix takes my face in his hands and kisses me. At first, he’s soft, but passion soon creeps in as he kisses me harder. I pull away, suddenly flushed.
“Shall we save this for the cabin?” I whisper.
“Can we go now?” he replies, cheekily.
“Hmm,” I joke. “I do think we’ve done enough dancing for one night, so I guess we could.”
He grabs my hand and we make the rounds of saying thank you and goodnight to everyone. It takes longer than I imagined, with people wanting to talk and catch up again. It fills me with warmth when they hug me and get a little emotional. This is the best welcome home gift I could ever have imagined.
I lift Maudie off the floor as I hug her.
“A late night for you?”
“Yes, Daddy said it was a special occasion! Can we paint some rocks soon?”
“Of course we can,” I promise as I put her down. Once she runs to her dad and heads to their own cabin, Henry comes over to us with an expression that I can only assume is going to follow with some sort of naughty joke.
“I haven’t slept great for the last hundred years, so if we can keep it down tonight, that would be great,” he smirks.
I give him the middle finger and he responds with a cheesy grin before walking away. For someone who didn’t feel they ever had a childhood, in this lifetime or the last, it warms my heart to be silly with these people.
Hand in hand, Phoenix and I walk to his cabin, I look out at the view that is my hometown in this life and stop in my tracks. Phoenix squeezes my hand.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
“You can see so much from up here, so much of the town. It’s quite the view,” I state. I know Phoenix’s view is me as he watches and waits for whatever I am going to say next.
“I’ve never felt I’ve belonged anywhere, but I guess I did consider this town home, and now it doesn’t feel that way, you know? It feels wrong, like I am joking around with myself. I think this lifetime is going to slowly become a weird memory, like some long fever dream.”
Phoenix nods his understanding,
“Home is wherever the circus is, and wherever you are.” He squeezes my hand. His statement sums it all up so I simply nod and walk into the cabin with him. I know tonight is going to be another night of love and peaceful sleep. It’s been so long since I looked forward to closing my eyes and falling into the land of dreams. But I get the feeling that Phoenix will always make me feel this way.
Chapter 45
Phoenix and I are like giggly teenagers this morning. It turns out we didn’t get much sleep after all, but not because wecouldn’tsleep, simply because we wouldn’t. We had a lot of lost time to make up for. I bite my lip every time I look over at him. I still had to remind myself that I was okay, work on my breathing, and bat away some bad memories that attempted to find their way into my mind. But after a few times of having sex, I felt more and more at home. I could close my eyes and enjoy every sensation waving through my body, knowing I was wrapped in a big safety bubble. There wasn’t a moment I wanted to pull away, even when Phoenix got more passionate. Phoenix is my person and with him, everything is perfect. Those moments of doubt are saved by a voice that reminds me this is what I want. I believe that voice is me, another version of me from another time. As life goes on, I know that voice will get stronger. I know these twenty-nine years of misery will slowly start to fade away, and I’ll truly know happiness the way I did before.
We drink more coffee and there is a lot more catching up with people who I didn’t get to give all my time to last night. There’s plenty of time for that now, though. Every time someone comes over, I have a minute of waiting for an introduction and then I’m filled with memories of them. I remember everything from their name to how we met the first time, to some of the jokes we told each other. There has been a lot of crying,but I feel more relaxed than I ever believed was possible. As usual though, with my life, whenever things look up, they always go back down. I climb the mountain and I don’t just go back down it; someone pushes me off. But for once, I’m not worrying about that.
“Renée.” Lukas has a serious expression on his face as he finds Phoenix and I enjoying a moment alone outside the cabin. It might sound silly, but I just want to stare at my lover all day, and why shouldn’t I? Why should I worry about what someone else has to say about us? As much as I’ve missed Lukas, I wish he would leave us alone for now.
“Can this wait?” Phoenix asks. Lukas shakes his head, looking at me.
“Your sister is here asking for you,” he tells me.
My heart drops.
The girl who tried setting up my kidnapping is here.
But no. She’s not that person anymore. I have to give her the benefit of the doubt.
I walk towards the entrance of the circus, still feeling baffled by the wonder of this place and all its colourful tents and stalls. Lydia stands with her hands on her hips, waiting for me. It feels like a lifetime since I’ve seen her, and seeing her brings back memories of the person she is and the person she once was. It’s not a good feeling. She shakes her head in a disapproving manner as she spots me.
“Renée Stipe!” she shouts at me as if I don’t know my own name, as if I am a child who needs a good telling off. She doesn’t give me any time to answer her, though.
