Page 39 of The Wonder of You
“You worry too much.”
“I don’t like seeing her look sad, that’s all. I want to be a good friend to her, make her feel at home here. I want her to see the circus the way I see it.”
Phoenix takes my face in his hands.
“You can’t please everyone, but you’re being an amazing friend just by being there, giving her a break every now and then. Don’t pressure yourself to do more.”
He’s right, there is only so much I can do. I rest my head on his chest and wrap my arms around his waist.
Chapter 27
1923
Maudie sits beside me and watches me paint an R onto a rock.
“You are so good,” she compliments. I smile at her, sometimes in disbelief that she’s now a little girl and not a baby. It’s all gone by so fast.
“Do you want to paint with me?” I ask her. She quickly shakes her head no.
“And why not?” I smile; my voice soft to reassure her that joining in the fun will be just that… fun.
“Mummy said I am not good at drawing. She got mad when I tried helping her paint.” Maudie drops her head and my heart sinks. I know Lukas and Cheri haven’t been perfect recently; although they share affection and love in front of everyone, there is a look in Lukas’s eyes that says things are not as they seem. I have known him for years now, he is like a brother to me. I sometimes think I know him better than he knows himself. And I can see that he’s struggling. I try not to worry because I appreciate most couples do argue from time to time. I wonder if their problems have been something to do with them or something to do with how Cheri speaks to Maudie. Has she really told her young daughter that her paintings are not good? Cheri is a good mum, without a doubt, but as these eight years have gone by, she seems less engaged with Maudie and even less engaged with the circus. I know she’s found it hardto settle here, even after all these years, but I worry about how it affects Maudie.
“I think your paintings are wonderful, Maudie. I’ve seen some you know; your dad showed me and he was so proud.”
She looks up and smiles, her little eyes filled with tears. I pinch her cheek gently.
“So, you’ll help me? I could really use some help,” I tell her. Truth is, I don’t really need any help because the rocks are more just for fun. Hardly anyone buys them. At first, I kept them to myself, but Phoenix told me to put out a stall. It does make me feel good when everyone else is so talented and contributing to the circus in ways I don’t think I ever could. I wasn’t good to begin with, I could tell in the awkward way Henry smiled and bit his lip when I showed him the one I painted of him.
“You think it’s bad?” I asked him after a long silence.
“No, it’s wonderful, I just didn’t know you thought I was this ugly.”
We had both burst out laughing. Henry kept my painted rock though, a small token of my appreciation and love for him. I’ve gotten better, and I do sell a few rocks here and there; my customers tend to be either little children delighted with how cute the rocks can be, especially the painted animals, or elderly women who want to put them on display with their other little ornaments.
“I don’t want to spoil them,” Maudie says weakly, picking up an unpainted rock and rolling it around in her hands.
“Maudie,” I say a little more sternly this time. “You will not spoil them, everything you paint will be special becauseyoupainted it. My painting of Elle the Elephant is far from good. If she could talk, she’d tell me she was offended…” I smile as Maudie breaks into laughter and then continue. “But someone will love it, and if not, then I will love it. I love all the rocks I paint.”
Maudie nods after a moment and picks up a paintbrush.
“I’ll paint a ladybug,” she tells me. Her tongue pokes out as she goes deep into concentration. I breathe out, feeling relieved.
I feel a presence nearby me and turn to see Lukas.
“Thank you,” he whispers and kisses the top of my head. “You are so wonderful to her.” He gently puts down a basket on the table. “And I got you more rocks!”
“I am painting a rock, Daddy.” Maudie looks up at him. “Maybe I’ll paint you on one later!”
“I look forward to that,” he smiles in return. I notice the disappointment that crosses his face as he looks over at Cheri laughing with a customer. She giggles and bats him on the arm. I suddenly feel irritated. It’s so flirtatious and it’s being done right in front of Lukas. If Maudie was facing the other way, she would see it too.
“It’s fine,” he says as he drops his head. I think he’s talking more to himself than to me. “It’s fine.”
“You want to join us?” I ask, hoping to distract him. He shakes his head.
“I might go and make a coffee or something, or maybe help Phoenix and Henry set up for Toni’s big performance tonight. Seems like it’s taking them awhile, I should probably help right? You’re okay sitting here with Maudie, yeah?” He babbles quickly. I don’t think he breathes the whole time.
“Of course she is fine with me, do what you need to do, okay?”
