Page 30 of The Wonder of You
“Thank you, but it’s not make-up. This is just me, I am afraid.” He doesn’t look sad about his statement; he says it like he has to say it all the time. I am unsure what he means, though. Is he joking or is this man actually a clown? I don’t have time to ask and perhaps that would be rude and intrusive of me anyway.
“Are you staying over tonight, Renée? We usually have little treats over the firepit. They’re like pillows of sweetened gum.Delicious. We do it when the guests leave, but I have a very strong feeling that you are one guest who is more than welcome to stay.” He pokes Phoenix in the side like a teasing little brother. I blush at the thought.
“I’d love to, but I should probably find my sister. I can’t imagine she would be happy if I tried staying here, and I really don’t want any more problems with my sister. She’d probably lock me in the outhouse.”
It all comes out in a rush and I giggle nervously at my excessive babbling. Phoenix looks disappointed, but I can’t tell if the sadness in his eyes is because I cannot stay or because of my little babble about my not so good home life. Lukas seems to sense his friend is lost for words.
“You will come back tomorrow night, though?”
“I’d like that, if you would?” I look up at Phoenix, sensing Lukas leaving us together for this moment. He squeezes my hand.
“More than anything,” Phoenix whispers.
I wish I knew what was going through his head right now. I want to know if we are on the same page. Westare at each other, but I feel comfortable with him in ways I’ve never felt comfortable with anyone.
I hate being stared at, but with Phoenix, I feel safe.
I feel… I am afraid of how I feel. I don’t want this to end.
“Renée, can I kiss you?”
A tingle takes over my body and my hands shake…thisishappening.
“I would like that, Phoenix, but I’ve never kissed anyone before and I am worried that you’ll be disappointed with me…”
But before I can embarrass myself further with my long and unnecessary babble, he bends down with hungry eyes and kisses me. His hands place themselves on either side of my face and he holds me tightly as our lips find each other. His lips are so soft. His thumb rubs over my jawline as his tongue teases mine. I breathe heavily as a desire to take this further fills me. My knees wobble as a very deep thought slams into my chest, concerning me that I’ll drop to the floor. My life will never be the same.
Everything that has happened to me has led to this moment.
His breath hitches as he leans out, as if he wants more. He rubs his nose over mine and slowly opens his eyes. He looks at me like a child astonished by a new sight.
I wonder what his next action will be. If he’ll suggest going somewhere more private. I am unsure what my answer would be to that, but I want more time with him. I want to experience that kiss again. I have afeeling that every time will feel like the first. Instead, though, he leans forward and kisses my forehead in a way I think might cure any ounce of pain I’ve ever felt. In a way that heals all my invisible and painful scars.
I am whole and I never want to go home.
“Meet me by the gates tomorrow?” he murmurs.
I nod breathlessly.
“Yes, wait for me, I will have to sneak out.”
“I will wait for you. If you don’t show up, I’ll just come to your house.”
He smiles and I truly believe him.
Chapter 21
I decide not to tell Lydia about Phoenix as we walk home. I’m not sure she’d believe me anyway, but she did believe that I was lucky enough to get a free go on Henry’s stall and just happened to be good enough to win. Walking away with her feels wrong, as if I am leaving my home, my people, to go off with a stranger. How has my life changed so quickly? I almost feel resentful towards Lydia, as if she is the one spoiling my happiness and my idea of the future.
“Did you see the creepy pale ringmaster guy?” Lydia says, breaking me out of my thoughts.
“What?” I snap, ready to defend him. He was far from creepy! He made me feel alive, like my life suddenly has meaning. It was as if he woke me up from a long slumber. In those moments we were together, we were one. We shared every emotion together as if an invisible string was tying our hearts together. There was a shift in the atmosphere that told me my life would never be the same. I wonder if the thought sounds childish, if I’m being immature and overdramatic. But it’s how I feel. No one can change that.
I think I am in love with him.
IknowI am in love with him, but I can’t tell Lydia.
I need to treasure this moment, this memory. I try not to focus on what will happen when the circus leaves or allow Lydia to ruin the good night.
