Page 12 of The Wonder of You
He kisses me.
And I let him.
My first kiss.
I put my hands on his cheeks. I feel his soft hair with my fingers.
I let him take control as I don’t really know what to do. He grabs both my cheeks and pulls me even closer, as if he’s hungry for me. As if he wants me, needs me. The thought should scare me, the touching should make me want to run. But this… this feels like the home I’ve never really had.
Did I belong with my dad or my grandparents? I never knew which house was mine.
But right now, I feel home with this person I’ve just met as he kisses me almost wildly. As if he’s waited for it, dreamed of it. There is a tingle all over my body as he leans his forehead on mine and takes a deep breath. His eyes are closed and a lone tear falls down his cheek.
“Phoenix, I am scared you think I am someone else,” I whisper, but he shakes his head to indicate no. I decide not to question him, although I know I should. But what do I say? What are my questions? I just feel confused, but I also feel a happy, fuzzy warmth. It’s such an unusual feeling and I want to hold onto it.
I am startled by a loud applause. Both Phoenix and I instantly look up, both of us realizing that this tent was free for all and it was never just us.
But it felt that way.
Everyone is here. Everyone witnessed my first kiss.
Toni the bearded lady.
Lukas.
Maudie who is jumping up and down and clapping.
Were we a performance for them?
As I laugh awkwardly, I feel a tad embarrassed. I grab hold of Phoenix’s hand for some reassurement. I scan the crowd, looking at everyone here.
And then my eyes stop.
Lydia and Simon.
Simon is clapping. He barely knows me after all, so why would he be surprised?
But Lydia…her mouth is open; her eyebrows are so high they look as if they’re attempting to escape. It’s like she’s been punched in the face, but she’s also happy about it.
Maybe she does care after all.
“I think I best speak to my sister,” I tell Phoenix as I put my hand on his arm. A part of me is still surprised and taken aback by my confidence with this man, but it feels so right. Looking up at him now, into his dark eyes, he seems so familiar. I feel normal with him, like we’re meant to be, like I am safe.
Safe.
That’s a big word for me.
He nods his head and our hands part as I walk towards Lydia. I miss the touch of his skin as soon as it leaves me. Lydia still looks shocked, almost mimicking the famous painting, ‘The Scream’.
“Renée, what… what the actual…” she shakes her head, lost for words.
“I don’t know, I really don’t,” I tell her as she pulls me outside the tent and into the fresh air.
“Do you know him?” she asks.
You know what, I think I do.
“No, I met him tonight.” I smile at her as if this is completely normal behaviour for me.
