“Um, nothing.”
Nathan stays quiet, and just stares at me like he knows I’m lying.
“Well, nothing more than the usual.” I tap the top of the hat in between us.
“Ah. I understand. You miss them.”
“Yes,” I say.
I feel my face crumple all over again, and I cover it with my hand as I silently sob. Nathan reaches across the table and takes my other hand in his. He holds it gently as I cry, simply giving me the space and time to let it out, without making me feel like he pities me or something. I always hate crying in front of other people because I’m used to being strong, but crying in front of Nathan feels okay—I know that he won’t judge me for it.
I take a deep breath and steady myself once more. Nathan wordlessly passes me a tissue and I blow my nose and wipe my eyes.
“You could tell me about him, if you wanted.” He gestures at the hat. “I know that talking about the dead can hurt but I also think it can help. My ma talks about her parents all of the time—it helps her keep them alive.”
“Well, keeping everything inside is clearly working out so well for me,” I say wryly. “I try to talk to Beau about them, but it’s hard for me to say much without crying.”
“Say as much as you want and cry as much as you need to, then,” he says with a warm smile.
“Okay.” I think about what to tell him for a moment and then say, “My grandpa’s name was Bryce, and my grandma was Iris. He was really tall, and unshakeable. The kind of person you could depend on. And she was kind and funny. She made this place a home, for all of us, including the horses. She used to bakethem special treats to eat on Christmas, and they all adored her.” I sniff a little, and another tear falls, but I keep going. “They were really in love. They had this type of reverent, gentle love for one another, and it was really beautiful to witness. I think that’s why my grandpa was so good with the horses. He had gentleness in his own life, so he knew how to give it to others.”
“Did he teach you how to work with them?” Nathan asks.
I nod. “He taught me everything I know.”
“But I’m sure you were a natural, too.”
“Gramps always said I was. Beau, too.”
“What about your parents?” Nathan asks. “Were they horse people?”
“My mother was. She grew up here, and apparently she was just as good with the rescues as Gramps was.”
“And your dad?”
“My dad was not a horse person, not really anyways. He liked them well enough, but his family was from Boston, not here. We saw his parents at least once a year when we were kids.”
“You should go visit them again,” Nathan encourages with a smile. “It seems like family means a lot to you.”
“It does,” I admit. “I want to have one of my own someday. I mean, kids of my own. Everyone here at Star Mountain is already my family.”
“Even me?” he asks quietly, looking down instead of meeting my gaze.
“Even you,” I affirm.
“Good. Because I came here to apologize to you. For the fight we had in the car. I got pissed off at you when I should have listened.”
“I’m sorry, too,” I admit. “For being so hard on you—but I still think you have to report it.” It’s the best I can do. I have to put horse welfare first, over people’s feelings—always. It’s my job.
“I know,” he says. “I’ve known that I needed to report it since I saw what happened. I just…” He pauses and picks my hand up again, chafing warmth into my cold fingers just like he did yesterday. “I just need to talk to my manager about how we should do that. I have to tread carefully since I don’t have evidence and I stand to gain from Brad being penalized. There’s a lot of ways it could go wrong.”
“I get that. I know you care just as much about this stuff as I do.”
“No one cares as much as you do. You have the biggest heart of anyone I know.”
“I don’t think anyone has ever said that about me.” His words work their way inside me and gently scab over some of my biggest insecurities. Because I can be a hard ass, most people think that also means I don’t care. But I care so much it keeps me up at night, and Nathan sees that. He sees me.
“Well don’t get used to it, Viper,” Nathan jokes. “I wouldn’t want your head to get as big as mine.”
