Page 24 of Rancher's Pride
“I’m good. I feel so much better this time and I’m pretty sure that’s because I’m home with so much help.” Smiling, I tried to hide my regret, but she knew.
“I know it is, my baby.” She put her arm around me and I couldn’t stop a tear from falling. “Shh, you’re home now and that’s all that matters. But right now I think you need to go have some time for yourself. Take my car. It’s warmed up.” I was going to reach for a set of keys, but then I remembered where I was. Of course, the keys were in it.
“Thanks, Mom.” I wiped my eyes with the sleeve of my shirt and went to get my jacket on. Picking up the car seat, I turned back to look at Mom.
“She’ll be fine, don’t worry and if she’s cuddly, I will be perfectly fine on the couch until you get back.” My mother basically pushed me out the door. “Grab some children’s fever medicine just in case you need it,” she called over her shoulder as she disappeared down the hallway.
I’d forgotten how peaceful the drive to town was. Maybe it was the fact I hadn’t done it for ages and there was always someone ready to make the drive.
Pulling to a stop in front of Jake’s office, I got Lottie out of the car. Few people knew I was home, even less knew I’d had a baby, but that would all end today. The door to the clinic still stuck, and I had to wrench itopen while carrying the car seat. “Good morning. Can I help you?” The woman behind the desk smiled at me.
“You can fix the door.” I quipped as I set Lottie’s carrier on the floor.
“Oh, that door is always a problem.” She laughed, waving off my suggestion. The corners of her eyes crinkled as she smiled, her blonde hair piled on top of her head, and I wondered if she still had her weekly visit to Trudy's to have her up-do redone. “Dr. Jake will be with you in a few moments, Fallon. Can I see that little one?” She stood and looked over the top of the desk. I lifted up the carrier, and the receptionist cooed and gushed over Lottie.
“How are you, Mrs Gordon?” Jake’s mother had been a teacher until the local school closed due to lack of enrollment a few years ago.
“I’m wonderful. Keith and I are planning a cruise next fall for my retirement. Don’t mention it to Jake. He’s pouting that he’ll have to find someone new to help him.” She laughed and shook her head.
“Well, I’m sure someone will come along.” Not that Jake needed help. He was the most organized person I’d ever known.
The tall, dark-haired man with deep green eyes and a million-dollar smile walked to the desk where I was standing. “Fallon, sorry I kept you waiting.” He motioned for me to follow him.
“Not to worry, I was catching up with your mom.” Smiling, I followed him back to his office. I took Lottieout of her car seat and Jake did his exam, weighed her and we chatted while he worked.
He held her so carefully as he sat down behind his desk. “I miss my girls being this small. Now all they do is talk back and tell me they need more riding time.” His low laugh startled Lottie, but he comforted her and she was right back to sleep.
“Girls and horses, I’m sure I will be having that same conversation one day. I’d be happy to work with your girls at the arena if they want more time in the winter. Lark or Tayla would be better, but I think I can help them.” I grinned, hoping he’d say yes and it would give me a purpose other than being a mom.
“They’d like that for sure. I seem to recall you being better than Tayla and Lark. You don’t give yourself enough credit, Fal.” He looked from Lottie to me, smiling. I shrugged because I didn’t know what to say. I hated when people compared us three girls, but it made me feel good when people remembered I was once the Miller daughter with a bright future. “So how are things?” He asked, sitting straighter and staring at me.
“Good, well, as good as can be. Life’s a little up in the air right now, but I’m good.” Forcing a smile, I hoped he wouldn’t see through it.
“Getting enough rest? You’re coping okay?” He let his voice trail off. Was I just an open book to everyone who looked at me? It was like he knew I wasn’t thinking right.
“Jake, I’m not good, I can’t feed Lottie, but Nashsays it’s fine and I believe him I do, but I feel like I’ve let both my girls down because I can’t provide for them. I love the girls but Jake, it's so hard. I don’t know if I want to do it.” Big tears rolled from my eyes and landed on my hand. I hadn’t even realized I was crying.
“Fallon, do you feel you’re a danger to yourself or the girls?” He asked so nicely, in a calm tone. I should’ve been offended, but I wasn’t. I was just relieved.
“No, I’ve never wanted to hurt anyone. Even after I had Josie and went through this, I wouldn’t have hurt her. But I could run away and still feel okay about it.” Saying it out loud felt freeing. “That’s what scares me.” I whispered. Jake stood, gently placed Lottie on a blanket in the bassinet and came to sit beside me and took my hand in his. He might still be Dr. Jake, but now he was a concerned friend who wanted to help get me through this.
For the next hour, we talked about my life and what was going on. I told him about Josie and he was shocked. His eyes went as wide as dinner plates and even though he tried to hide it, his poker face hadn’t ever been that strong.
“Well, that’s a lot of upheaval in the last few weeks.” He slouched in his chair slightly. “Let’s get you on an antidepressant and I will check in with you regularly to see how you’re feeling and see if we need to change the dose.” He reached across his desk and scribbled on a pad of paper.
“Now, I am more than happy to talk to you, but counseling isn’t my forte. I have a wonderful friend in Bozeman that specializes in postpartum therapy, if you think you need it, or even for anything else you need to talk out.” He ripped the piece of paper off and it was the name and number of his friend. The next paper was the prescription I needed to get filled.
“I know it’s the winter and I know it takes extra organization to get out the door, but I’d like you to be outside a minimum of thirty minutes every day. It’s too easy to get into a routine of being cooped up in the house. Fresh air, some weak vitamin D and, who knows, maybe a few snowball fights. It might not be typical medical advice, but it can’t hurt.” He smiled, and I knew he was right. Being outside on the ranch had always made me feel better, and I knew it would again.
“Thank you Jake, Dr. Jake.” I chuckled and stood. “I’m sorry I took up so much of your time today. You’re probably so behind now.”
“Nope, it’s a slow day. I don’t see anyone for another hour.” He expertly strapped Lottie into her carrier and reached for the door. He was the only doctor in town and he didn’t have any appointments this morning? It was almost like he’d known something was up. There was only one person observant enough to see the subtle issues I was dealing with.
Nash. He must have called Jake and told him. I wasn’t even mad about it. He saw me, he always had, and he knew something was off.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
FALLON
