Page 24 of Let Me Be the One
Making a face, she admitted, “Tepid at best, but that had been all my relationships. At this point, I’m not sure ‘hot’ actually exists, at least it never has for me.”
CHAPTER FOUR
OH, HOWTANNERwould like to show her a hot romance. He could singe her pretty little ears with all the scorching things he’d like to do with her, but since she was talking he didn’t want to derail her.
“The idea of marrying him wasn’t awful,” she said. “And it would have been convenient, not just for our families, but for me, too.”
“Spending the rest of your life with someone best described asconvenientdoesn’t sound all that great to me.”
“Yeah, now I agree. At first, though, it was kind of fun, with a lot of fanfare. Parties to announce the engagement. Publicity showcasing the coalition of families and businesses. Gifts. Invitations.” She sighed. “And my parents were happy. Over-the-moon excited, even. I guess I’m shallow enough that, at least for a little while, it seemed like enough.”
“I’m not sure that makes you shallow.” It sounded to him like the two families had coerced her cooperation. “More like overwhelmed and caught up in the moment.”
“Oh, if only it had been a mere moment.”
She drank more coffee, and Tanner held silent, giving her time to think, to decide how much she wanted to share.
When her gaze met his again, she winced. “See,actually it wasmonths. That’s how long I let it go on. Everyone around me was so thrilled and making important plans, that even though I knew it wasn’t right, I went along. I didn’t muster up the guts to end it until Sutter gave me a good excuse by getting busy with someone else. Even then, I was in shock until a stranger stepped in.”
A stranger? “How’d that play out, exactly?”
“We were at an upscale fundraiser. Sutter was late, but I didn’t mind.” She lifted her shoulders. “Weird, right? Until someone asked about him, I hadn’t been missing him at all, wasn’t really worried about where he might be or if he’d been in an accident. It dawned on me that I had more fun without him.” Her gaze went to Tanner’s shoulders, then his throat, before she looked away. “When Sutter was around, he wanted to hold my hand and kiss me, and everyone would look at us.”
“Pretty sure no guy would be around you without wanting to touch you.”
Her brows inched up, but she didn’t ask for clarification. “With Sutter, it always made me feel like a fraud.” She went silent again, her body tensed, then she said in a quiet voice, “He was my fiancé, and I preferred for him to leave me alone. I tried to act like I enjoyed his attention, even when I didn’t.”
“Why?”
“Keeping up appearances?” She shook her head. “It was expected of me, but I felt bogged down by it all, like I needed a month-long vacation with nothing to do except sit in bed and read, eat ice cream, and sleep.”
Her parents should never have put her in that position. “Everyone feels like that sometimes.”
“Probably, but it hit me like a ton of bricks that I was preparing to marry a man for all the wrong reasons.”
“Must have been an eye-opener.”
Her short laugh lacked humor. “For sure, especially once I excused myself to step outside where it was quiet so I could call Sutter. It was chilly, so I stopped by the coat closet. The clerk wasn’t there but I heard some noises, and then I recognized Sutter’s voice so I opened the door—and bam. There he was, pinned up against the wall with a woman I didn’t know. Her hand was in his pants, doing…Things.” She started to gesture, but changed her mind. “He looked…” Color rose up from her neck to her cheeks and all the way to her forehead. “Let’s just say it was shocking.”
“I can imagine.”
“That’s the thing, though.” She met his gaze with chagrin. “I couldn’t. I’d never seen him like that.” After a slight hesitation, she said, “Not with me.”
Tanner didn’t stop to measure his words or to think how telling they might be. “Then he’s a fucking fool who didn’t deserve you.”
Half smiling, she said, “I was the bigger fool. It was horribly awkward to catch him like that. Not heartbreaking or devastating. Just super-humiliating.” Her gaze dipped to his mouth, lingered a moment, then moved back to his eyes. “Isn’t that odd?”
Not to him. He thought it showed her vulnerability, and it made him want to gather her close—as if she needed his protection, which she most definitely did not. “He embarrassed you and someone should have broken his nose.” Tanner would like to do that for her. How dare some jerk treat her like that? “You’d have to be a saint not to be embarrassed to some degree.”
Lips twisting, she muttered, “Believe me, I’m far, far from sainthood.”
Not quite believing her, he said, “Sucks being human sometimes, feeling things we’d rather not.”
Her insightful gaze took his measure, but she didn’t put him on the spot. “Very true.”
“So what did you do?”
“At first, nothing. I knew my family was going to be disappointed in me. And I was disappointed in myself for just…standing there.” With a wince, she added, “Taking it in.”
