Page 123 of Let Me Be the One
She tried a smile, but she knew her frustration showed through. “That night we spent together was…” Astounding. Eye-opening.Heart-stealing.“Pretty awesome?” Ugh, how weak that sounded. “I enjoyed myself. And you. I mean, us together.”
“In case there’s some confusion, I enjoyed it, too.”
She eased down into a chair. “Tanner, why didn’t you tell me?”
He didn’t pretend not to understand. He just poured the coffee, then sat across from her. “There didn’t seem to be a point. I assumed you’d be gone soon enough.”
Did he believe that still?
He looked down at his mug for a moment, then back to her. “Whenever you’ve asked, I’ve answered your questions.”
And she’d had plenty of them. She wanted to know everything about Tanner. “Yes, you have.”
“Now I have a question of my own.”
She got as comfortable in the chair as she could. “Go on. I’m an open book.”
He surprised her by asking, “How are you affording this?”
Her mind went blank. “This?”
“Far as I can tell, you don’t have a paying job. Even though Reggie didn’t have a mortgage, there’s still insurance, utilities, upkeep, feed to buy for the animals, your own groceries—”
“Right. I get it. I have expenses.” She’d have to address them soon, anyway.
Idly, he turned the coffee cup while scrutinizing her. “Seems every time I turn around, you’re buying something new.”
Settling in even more. Clearly it bothered him, but if Dirk hadn’t shared Tanner’s plans, she’d still be in the dark. “Early on, my parents started investing on my behalf. I think at first it was a tax thing, though I don’t keep up on all that. Then when I turned twenty-one, I got my own investment counselor. He suggested diversifying some of my accounts, and to do that I had to sell a few things, move them around. Eventually, all of my accounts were well away from my parents’ influence—and thriving.”
“So you’re independently wealthy?” His expression was unreadable as he asked for clarification. “Not just as part of the McCallahan family, but as your own entity?”
“Wealthy? No, it’s not like that. I couldn’t go out and buy three houses or a yacht or anything.” She winced. “I am comfortable, though. Even when I worked for my parents, and later with Sutter’s family, I was a saver.”
“You’re saying you did without?”
“No.” She was starting to feel defensive. “I had nice things, but I’ve never really had extravagant tastes. Not like my mother or my friends.” Probably because so much had been given to her. Throughout college, her parents had paid her way, including an allowance for food, clothes, and transportation. “Mom and Dad love to travel. They’ll go off for a month or more at a time, but I’m more of a homebody. You saw my car versus theirs. And my wardrobe? Even when I dressed for business in designer suits, my casual clothes were just that—casual.”
Skepticism narrowed Tanner’s eyes. “You’re saying you like living like this.” He gestured at the kitchen, and even rocked the table, showing that it had an uneven leg.
Funny that she hadn’t noticed that before.
“You like mucking out goat shelters and collecting eggs?” Forearms on the table, he leaned forward. “Living in a small, two-bedroom house with a damp basement, an unattached garage, and thugs for neighbors?”
Why was he being like this? Now that she knew him—and loved him—she figured he had to have a reason.
She tilted up her chin. “I’ve found it challenging and in some ways rewarding.” Hoping to tease him out of his mood, she added, “Plus, I’d hardly call you and Kam thugs.”
Instead of cracking a smile, his mouth tightened and he sat back again, putting added distance between them. “It’s challenging, but the novelty of it won’t last.” While her heart ached, he said, “It’s not the life you want.”
That hurt more than she was willing to show him. “I decide what I want, not you, and I’ll have you know I was trying to prove—” Hurt caught her breath, endingthe words that she’d been about to say. “Never mind. Why should I explain anything to you when you obviously don’t know me at all?”
“No, go ahead and finish.” He challenged her with his gaze. “You were proving yourself to me?”
“Ha! Get over yourself.” Shoving back her chair, she awkwardly got to her feet and went to the sink to dump the rest of her coffee. She’d suddenly lost her appetite. “I have nothing to prove to you or anyone else. Not a damn thing.” Covering her heart with a fist, she struggled to contain the angry overdose of emotion so she wouldn’t cry again.
A lifetime ago she’d learned that a smile disarmed people more than an outburst. And she’d witnessed it from Tanner many times, the way he tempered his reaction, calm when others tried to incite his anger.
At least in that, they were alike. Turning back to him now, she got her lips to curve. Not much, but it was the best she had at the moment. “I was proving tomyselfthat I could do it. That’s the only standard I have to live up to. Me and what I think.” Saying it made her believe it, and that went a long way to illuminating the choices she now had to make.
