Sam shook his head. “Don’t get him all excited, O.”
“Too late.” Tyler shimmied into the bean bag and closed his eyes with a grin.
Frankie tugged Ophelia down onto his lap in a cushioned lounge chair and nuzzled his nose into her hair, whispering something that made a dark red shade sprout over her cheeks and a soft giggle catch between her lips. A longing twisted inside my chest. Jealousy. Jealousy for the first futile months of a relationship that felt so much like flying. The adrenaline rush, the need, that insatiable lusting. Ididlust for Mateo. I never wanted anything more than him—in life, in bed, in my heart and soul. Our lust was quieter now, settled in. We weren’t racing an invisible clock, weren’t worried we would burn out. But I didneedhim, maybe more than ever. I missed him when we were standing in the same room. I was begging for him without knowing how to say it.
Mateo was watching me curiously when I looked toward him. Flames fanned my neck like I’d been caught with my thoughts in a bubble above my head. Maybe the lust wasn’t gluttonous and greedy anymore, but his gaze still leveled me. It still warmed my core and felt like fingers ghosting down my spine. I swallowed nothing, the desert air dry and brittle in my mouth, my tongue like a cat’s.
He looked so good across the deck in his soft white T-shirt, a tendril of his messy hair curling over his forehead, the tip of his tongue slipping between the seam of his lips, and I knew he was reading my mind.
“I’m going to go get our suitcases settled in the room.” I cleared my throat. “See you guys soon.” Sam and Tyler saluted me as I dipped quickly through the glass doors with Mateo’s attention following me.
Our bedroom was the biggest in the house with a private bathroom and balcony, and large windows on three of the four walls on the west side of the house where the sun poured through at golden hour. There was a spread of gifts on the bed that included a bottle of champagne, a large sun hat that saidBride, sunglasses, sunscreens and skincare, organic dark chocolate, and a box of expensive cigars and mint gum beside it for Mateo. Then next to all that was a small folded towel that gave me pause as I picked it up and readCum Ragembroidered in delicate script across the cloth. Beside it was a box of condoms, a bottle of personal lubricant, and a note that said,Don’t use it all in one place,with a winking face. I tugged my bottom lip into my mouth.
There was no way I could admit to Mateo that I was having a crisis about our sex life. Our very versatile, not at all vanilla sex life. Not many couples spent their free time filming themselves having intercourse for money, and even complaining to him about our intimacy felt selfish when I already asked so much of him being involved in the cam business. To say we didn’t haveenoughsex felt silly.
A few weeks in the grand scheme of the rest of our lives together was nothing. It didn’t mean anything, like my insecurities were telling me it did. First I was worried all he saw me as was a warm body, and now I was worried he didn’t even want that part of me. This blip didn’t mean that my future husband was growing bored of me outside our scheduled sessions. It didn’t mean he wasn’t attracted to me unless I was pretending to be someone else. It didn’t mean he enjoyed spending his free time alone rather than with me, or that my fearof him becoming complacent in our relationship and seeing me as a business partner rather than a life partner was coming to fruition.
It didn’t.
That was not the reason he was staying later at work more often and telling me less about his days. He wouldn’tregretgetting involved with me after all this time; we were meant to be together.
I sat at the foot of the bed and chewed on the edge of my nails until the gel started to warp. God, I fucking hated my stupid brain sometimes. Most of the time. I was at war with my own train of thought. I was going to be the girl at the end of the altar asking my husband if he was positive when he saidI do.
My head lifted at Mateo coming through the door. It clicked closed as he leaned back against it, and his eyebrow arched curiously. “What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”
“Could you hear me thinking?” I scoffed.
“I like to think I can.” He was in front of me in three slow steps, sticking his hands into the pockets of his shorts. “You wear all your emotions like a badge.”
“That’s actually called resting bitch face.”
“It’s such a gorgeous face though.”
My mouth slowly lifted into a smile.
“Really,” Mateo continued, reaching out and running his thumb softly below my bottom lip. “We’re in Las Vegas celebrating our wedding with our best friends. It’s finally fucking happening. Some days this part, thegoodpart, felt so goddamn far away, but you did it, Tally. I know it hasn’t been easy, and I’ve been too caught up in work to give you the attention you deserve, but you still managed to do it all. I’m amazed by you.”
My heart swelled, throat tightening as I turned to kiss the palm of his hand resting against my jaw and murmured, “Maybe youcanhear my thoughts.”
Mateo squatted down in front of me and put us at eye level. His thighs strained against the material of his shorts and momentarily, that was all I could focus on. “Is that why you're up here alone? Stressed out about every little detail? This is the one weekend you have to forget about all of those things, baby. It can wait. Enjoy this while we’re in the moment. I want you to be here with me.”
I pulled a deep breath in through my nose. “I wish we could get married right now. Forget all the fanfare and the flowers and guests. I want it to be simple, like this is. Just us. The closer we get to the wedding the more I’m questioning my motivations for everything. Don’t get me wrong, it’ll be beautiful, but it feels like it’s not forusanymore.”
“Are you regretting it?” Matty asked hoarsely, his face twisted in concern. He steadied himself with both hands on my knees, and skimmed his palms up my thighs and back down comfortingly. I was still on edge and that soft touch brought a wave of goose bumps to the surface of my skin.
“No, not at all,” I rushed out. “Never. I’m admitting that I cared too much about sticking it to my family that I’m just as successful as my sisters by having a wedding that will impress them. The whole planning, the elaborate decor, the venue—it was all because my parents never thought I could do it without their help. But the only thing I care about anymore is that I’m getting married to you. The rest is this made-up thing I’ve been trying to convince myself I’ve wanted since I was a kid.”
“Do you want to postpone it?” As much as that felt like what I was asking for, it wasn’t what I wanted. The wedding had been months in the making, and there were too many factors involved to selfishly put it off for a theme change at the eleventh hour.
“I don’t want to waste another day not being your wife, so absolutely not,” I assured him. “It’s all the little things adding up lately that have me thinking is all. There’s a lot I’ve been wantingto talk to you about.” His eyes flashed to mine as I put my hands over his and the air in the room thinned. I pulled them higher, meeting the bottom of my shorts, and Mateo’s lips parted.
“All ears,” he answered distractedly, playing with the loose frills of my jean shorts.
“Remember the ground rules we laid out, for having your parents stay?”
“Yes.”
“We might be letting one of those things get away from us.” I danced around it, feeling him out. The partial power trip of having him kneeling in front of me was giving me a boost of confidence. Mateo was so dominant intimately, I reveled in his softer, submissive sides when they peeked through. He turned it on and off so beautifully, like a switch.
