"I am stable, Bonnie," I protest. "I've been locked up here for weeks, and I only get to take a walk outside once in a while. I haven't lost control in a while either. Seriously, I have had enough, and my memory is not going to come back by having me locked up here either. Can't my older sister ignore that guy and get me out of here anyway?" I ask.
"I don't think so, Mara," says Bonnie, looking a bit sorry. "I think Ms. Garnett listens to all of your doctors."
"When is my next session with him, then?" I ask, unhappy.
"This afternoon..."
I nod. This time, he is going to have to agree to let me out of here because I'm so fed up. I need some real fresh air, not a walk around the hospital park once every two days like some dog! Bonnie doesn't say anything else, giving me worried glances, but Kelsi has a smirk on.
"Someone's fired up..."
Bonnie shakes her head.
"Mara, if you lose control again, you're going to be sent back to the isolation cell. You know that, right?"
"I know, but seriously, Bonnie, I'm done. That guy is signing my release form or whatever today."
I hear a courteous knock on my door and take a deep breath. A quick glance at the bracelet; still beeping green. Alright.
"Hello, Miss Garnett," he says with his usual polite smile, walking in.
"Hi."
I stay on my bed, legs crossed, and I have a hard time not glaring at that guy. My psychiatrist is in his early forties, despite having lots of gray hair already, a wrinkled shirt, and a crooked nose. His name is Dimitri Epstein. Doctor Epstein... He takes the seat next to my bed, taking out his notepad as always. He does his best to look amiable, but I'm sure that is just part of his job. Not looking at the patient like she's a crazy witch... While he clicks his ballpoint pen, his eyes fall on the new envelope on my bedside table.
"I see your friend found some new pictures? Any luck?"
"No," I reply coldly.
I'm on my guard. I can't get mad because I don't want him to refuse my release again.
"That's too bad... As I mentioned before, I am a bit concerned about this apparent lack of a social life before your accident, Miss Garnett. As you know, your family is worried about what led to this unfortunate incident. Have you taken some time to think about that?”
I frown. Right. The main reason, or excuse, for my family to keep me locked in here is that I was the one who burned that building down in an attempt to kill myself. Thankfully, there were no other victims, but also no witnesses...
"I do have a friend," I note.
"Right, Miss Kim," he nods. "However, Miss Kim herself said you two were not very close before that incident, didn't she? Despite her many attempts to befriend you, she said, and I quote, ‘You were not very talkative and our relationship was simply that of flatmates, nothing else.’ I'm glad you're on better terms now, but this is not really helping us understand your behavior before the incident."
"Those pictures show I went to a party," I reply, handing him the envelope.
Doctor Epstein opens it and takes his time to check each of the pictures with a little frown.
"Interesting... Do you know when these pictures were taken, Clarissa?" he asks, taking some notes on his notepad.
"...Before I met Kelsi," I admit, "...and I told you to call me Mara!"
Damn it, I hate it when he calls me that on purpose! Epstein jumps, but quickly regains his composure and puts the envelope back, shaking his head.
"That is not your name. Your name is Clarissa Mary Garnett, which is stated on all your official documents, and confirmed by your family. We have already been over this, you saw all those documents yourself, Clarissa. There is no girl called Mara. This Mara is only a persona, a self-defense mechanism you have created yourself. It's nothing to be afraid about, Clarissa; everyone has a different way to cope with a traumatic event."
"I can create fire with my hands. Are you going to tell me my traumatized brain has invented this too?" I growl back.
He stays quiet for a long minute.
"Alright. I understand you do not want to... dissociate yourself from Mara. However, if you are Mara, then what about Clarissa? After all, you are Clarissa. You have seen all the proof of that. Your official documents, statements from your family, your friend, pictures... However, there is nothing about... Mara. No one knows her. So, who do you think Mara is?"
I don't have an answer for that. I just woke up, knowing my name, as if it was engraved deep in my head, like the only light I was able to hang on to. Everything else is gone. None of those documents or pictures they showed me reminded me of anything. I have an older sister that does look strikingly like me, but I couldn't recognize or remember her. Same with Kelsi, and she's the person I have been living with for months. Moreover, they all seemed to know me as Clarissa, not Mara.
