"What...? Seriously? Hey, can I see that picture?"
However, Kelsi glares at Ben once more before turning to me, the two of us ignoring that idiot.
"I always knew I was really pretty," she says. "My... dear mother would brag about it all the time. She made her friends jealous because she had such a pretty daughter, her daughter had naturally good skin, pretty hair... I was skinny too. I mean, more than now. Hearing my mom say it so much, I got sick of it... I hated being the pretty girl. If I could have chosen, I would rather be normal. I tried to eat more to gain weight and not stand out so much, at some point. I was just tired of it. There are so many labels around pretty people, and it stuck with me until I got fed up with it. I could never make friends, and I never fit in at school."
"...How long ago was that?" I ask.
"I don't know... since I was eleven or twelve until I moved here. I really wish I could leave it all behind me.
Kelsi shook her head, glancing at her empty plate with a bitter expression.
"...Everyone assumes you have some eating disorder because there's no way you're naturally skinny. You should eat more, you are unhealthy. You had surgery. You must spend all your time in your bathroom. You must be so popular. ...It made me sick, hearing all those people think they knew me, but my mother was the worst."
I notice Ben has stopped eating, sending us glances and not daring to say anything. Spark too moves under the table to go from my knees to Kelsi's lap. I don't think I've ever seen him act this cuddly with Kelsi before... She smiles and gently starts petting him, but I can tell Spark didn't just go there on a whim. She is probably even more sour about those memories than she looks...
"When some guy from a model agency scouted me on the streets, my mother went nuts... She had me sign right away after her lawyer had double-checked everything, of course. As soon as the contract was signed, I was taken from photoshoot to photoshoot, during whatever free time I had. I took so many pictures, probably hundreds of thousands like this one. I... I never really felt like saying no. When I did, everyone would remind me how it was such a waste, how I was so pretty and should be grateful someone wanted to make me a model, how lucky I was, how famous I could become... I don't know. It was all glitter and bright lights in front of my eyes, so much so that I felt blind and just followed their instructions."
I... feel sorry for her. For that young Kelsi. I've always known her as introverted, a bit quiet, and she never had any strong opinions other than to support me, but I would have never imagined she went through so many things before meeting me. I had just assumed she had come to Silver City on a whim, not to escape an overbearing mother... She puts her hair back.
"My mother controlled every aspect of my life. What I ate, how much I slept, where I went... I was terrified, sometimes. If I had dark circles, or if I gained a bit of weight, she went crazy. She'd cry that we were going to lose that contract, or that I didn't care anymore about her... She made everything about us or her. I started getting scared of that, so I just went along with her whims for several years. It was the worst part of my life."
She sighs and plays with Spark's ears with a bitter smile.
"I didn't make any friends for years... I was too busy with being a model, my career, and my mom's ambition, school became my only refuge. Yet, I couldn't make friends. I was the pretty girl who was a famous model. It was hard... They had all made up their minds about me. I was pretty and famous, so I was probably some self-centered bitch. I was acting too mighty, I thought I was better than them... To be honest, the only girls who approached me were just interested in getting free makeup or wanted to ask if I could help them become models too. I got so fed up with that, I stopped talking to anyone and just studied like crazy to avoid them. If I had an exam coming up, it was the perfect excuse to stay at the library and avoid my mother."
I think I understand her feelings a bit... feeling it wasn't worth the effort, that no one would acknowledge her anyway. No one cared about her situation or tried to really know her. They all had their assumptions, and Kelsi didn't have the strength to refute them.
"At some point, I went crazy at a shoot. The lights were too bright and close to my skin, I got burnt and collapsed. My mother and I had a huge fight at the hospital. She wanted to sue the agency. I told her I wanted to stop, and she lost it..."
"What happened then? She agreed?" I ask.
Kelsi shakes her head with a bitter expression.
"No... The fight went on for several days, and I begged my father to help me. I said I'd die if I didn't stop. My mother said she'd kill herself rather than see me ruin my career and future... Eventually, my older brother intervened too and talked to my dad. They agreed to send me away for a while. My father said I could do whatever I wanted for a year, as long as I came back knowing what I wanted to do with my life. They didn't leave me anything but the savings my mom hadn't taken. I took a plane to Silver City. They have some great scholarships if you're willing to work hard, so I registered at the university, picked some subjects I wanted, and looked for a place to rent... You know the rest of the story."
So that's how she arrived here before she and I met. That explains a few things... also why she stays home or wears those kinds of clothes and those ridiculously big glasses outside. Also, why she was in such a bad situation with money, despite some of her brand name clothes. Probably had been bought during her modeling period. Strangely, it makes me feel a lot better to finally know more about Kelsi's past, and all the real reasons behind her attitude.
I'm about to say something when we both turn our heads. Ben has his eyes almost full of tears. ...Seriously?
"Moon Goddess, that is so unfair... Don't worry, we are your friends, and we won't judge you!"
"Thanks..." says Kelsi, a bit confused by his attitude.
"...Ben, weren't you the one who was laughing about Kelsi being a model just minutes ago?" I whisper, slapping his knee.
"I didn't know the whole story!" he protests. "...Can I see those pictures now?"
"No!" we both yell at him.
He shrinks in his chair with a grumpy expression. What an idiot... I shake my head and turn to Kelsi.
"Sorry for–"
"No, Mara. You were right for doubting me. To be honest, it felt good to have someone who didn't know about my past, and... had something else to focus on rather than my looks."
"So... all the cute sweatshirts are all... a facade?"
She chuckles.
