Page 91 of Nothing to Deny
Sometimes she got them one or two at a time. Occasionally. Just depended on where he was and what he was doing. Something even he couldn’t typically predict. Even at the height of his responsibility, when the burden on him was greatest, and his time was precious, she could still rely on his letters. Didn’t matter that they lived in the same city, their correspondence never slowed; it was cathartic.
“What do you talk about? You don’t have to tell me—”
“No, it’s okay. Life. I’d always keep his confidence, as I would any friends’, but these aren’t love letters. Nothing like that.” She drew their joined hands across her body to meet the other. “Sounds ridiculous to say he had a difficult upbringing. In context, it was, everything’s relative. He was born into two dynasties.”
“Shorthand for he’s richer than Fort Knox.” It was nice he said that with a smile. “Don’t worry about me, Skit.”
“Regardless of the great number of people in his life, no one gave a shit about him.”
“Except you. And it pisses you off.”
Damn, she thought she did a good job of keeping her voice even. “How do you know that?”
“Not like you to casually swear in conversation.” No, because she’d been raised better than that. Still, some things were warranted. “You still in love with him?”
“Not in that way. We used to be together, so it sounds weird to say it, but he’s more like my brother than my boyfriend these days. Since before there was romance between us, he’s always been there for me. After my parents…”
“He’s a good guy. That’s good. We should have people, friends, looking out for us.”
Was he truly not threatened? If he wasn’t, it would be a relief. Too many guys got the hump, or lay down ultimatums, when they learned of her continuing relationship with Kinloch. And by guys, she meant Chapman.
Baer was secure, how refreshing. Good thing too, because Kinloch was just the tip of the iceberg when it came to friends looking out for her. She’d save the Roxie conversation for another time. No need to overload the guy.
“Sometimes I can’t figure you out,” she said. “Whether you’re really this calm, patient guy, or if you fall back on your training.”
“Upbringing or training,” he said as he had the day they met. “I don’t act with you. You have to trust me, Lil’’.”
“I do. I don’t worry for myself because I think you’re trying to mislead me on purpose or anything like that. I worry for you.”
“Something you do for everyone. Who looks out for you?”
“Truman. My friends.”
“Maybe I’d like to be on that list too.” And he was. He would be. She’d welcome it. “You want me to go crazy? To tell you to quit the letters, to cut this guy out of your life or we’re through?”
“No. I just wonder sometimes… Do you know you anymore? I worry because I want you to be happy too. I want to make you happy. Something makes you sad or angry, if you’re confused or hurt, I want that honest emotion. You’re used to stifling yourself. Being who women pay you to be…”
When she said it like that, the money that had gone from her bank account to his suddenly felt dirty. It soiled them. She didn’t want him to just give her what he thought she wanted. But maybe it was second nature, could he help it?
“I’m me with you,” he said. “Sure, maybe a little of acting for Squires has rubbed off over the years, or maybe it’s raising two young kids, dealing with my mother’s carers, my father’s therapists, making the tough choices, it’s taught me what’s important in life. Some things are worth getting upset about. Some things are drama for the sake of drama, and that pisses me off.”
Like the nonsense with Nickson and Kelly, he told her last night he had little patience for it.
“You’re right about Nickson. He needs to tell Kelly the truth. Better he tells her now and gets it over with. If everything’s going to fall apart, better sooner than later.”
Which would ease some of Holly’s concern about her dad falling in love with the new men in their lives. If Kelly said that was it, over, would Nickson walk away without a fight? What would that say about the depth of the couple’s love?
Easy to put it so bluntly when she was talking about someone else.
“If he does, and she kicks him out…” Baer said, “do you want me and Donoghue to go too?”
TWENTY-NINE
SHE HEARD HIS question, but a new urgency seized her. While she had the resolve, the gumption, she had to get the decision out.
“I’m going to tell Truman when we get home,” she declared.
“How does that—”
