Page 37 of Nothing to Deny
“My mother loved white roses. They were her favorite. At the funeral… they were everywhere. Seeing them always takes me right back there. It’s nothing, it shouldn’t be a big deal.”
“Goddamn,” he exhaled.
“What? If you love them, I’ll figure it out, I—”
“No, I… that’s not it.” That’s not it, but he didn’t tell her what it was. “I’m sorry about your mom, your parents, I… I didn’t know.”
“It’s okay,” she said, more worried about him than herself. “Why would you? I didn’t know about yours. Your father told me last night. Baer, if there’s anything you ne—”
“Don’t pick Donoghue.” He squeezed her hand tighter. Usually Baer was so together, so smooth. Seeing him frazzled wasn’t fun. “Promise me you won’t, Lil’.”
“I promise. I’ll pick whoever you recommend. It doesn’t matter to me. I only came to Squires because Holly wanted a partner in crime, so to speak…”
Some of his agitation eased as he considered her. “You didn’t tell me about the money… Why would a beautiful, rich, amazing woman like you ever be anywhere near Squires? Why aren’t you married ten times over?”
“Fewer men notice the beautiful, amazing part compared to those who notice the rich part… My grandfather calls menwho pursue me leeches. Not necessarily because they’re not good enough for me, but because they see my generosity, and my access to Truman’s bank balance, before they see anything else… He says I’ve never brought a man home he believes values me the way I should be valued. I don’t know, I think it’s just a cover because he doesn’t want to think about me having sex… Yeah, he’s biased, but most of the time, he’s right. Usually, as I fall for a guy, I figure out he was only in it for the money… Makes it difficult, you know, to trust people. So… I eventually gave up trying.”
“Until you met Chapman,” he said. “Did you love him?”
“I don’t know.” She sagged against him. “Maybe I thought I did… But that is a much bigger conversation than we can shoehorn in here.”
Easing him back, she slid onto her feet.
Putting a hand on the bench on either side of her, he blocked her in. “You told him we were sleeping together.”
Frowning, her head tilted. “Who?”
“Chapman,” he said. “At the hospital. You said all you were to me was a pussy to pump any time I could bend you over and make you take it.”
“You were listening in?” she asked, socking his chest and growling at him. “I knew you were. Damnit, Baer, don’t eavesdrop, it’s rude.”
Scooping a hand onto her face, he brushed her hair away with his thumb. “You could never be that to me, Lil’ Skit.”
“I know what I am to you,” she said, losing the battle of pushing his hand down. “Actually, no, that’s a lie, I don’t know what I am to you, but I know what I’m not. I am not your client. Holly is your client.”
“You know I won’t sleep with her.”
“I don’t know that,” she said. His free hand tried to sneak onto the other side of her face. “It’s your job to sleep with her.You’ll be paid to sleep with her. A lot probably. She picked you because that’s what she wants from you: sex.”
“That doesn’t matter. I won’t. We’re allowed to refuse any job. There’s no law that says we’re required to take a certain client.”
Even if there was, would he obey it? Not like those in his line of work didn’t mind bending the rules.
“Why would you do that?” she asked, surrendering to his hands holding her face.
“Because she’s your family,” he said, bending to trace his mouth over the corner of hers. “And because I couldn’t do it.”
“I’m sure you’ve been with women who are less attractive than Holly,” she said, not buying for a second that being intimate with Holly would be a hardship. “She’s beautiful and smart… and sexy.”
“That’s not what I meant, I… Last night, I couldn’t do it.”
What? She leaned back to get a better look at him. “What?”
“I satisfied the client, I always do, I don’t think she noticed that I wasn’t… you know… I used my hands on her, my tongue—”
“Oh, Baer, please, I don’t want to know this,” she said, squirming in his hold.
He wouldn’t release her. “I didn’t have sex with her, Frey. And I’m not saying I won’t with other women. It’s my job, you’re right about that. And this is… Well… I don’t know what this is. But walking out on you last night… going to another woman’s bed when all I wanted to do was take you upstairs to mine, it… I don’t know, but we’ve gotta figure this out, Lil’, before you ruin me.”
