Page 114 of Nothing to Deny
“That’s what I thought too, then soon as I got back, there was Abel asking what was going on. There’s a stack of mail showing every bill up to date, in credit, and I have no fucking idea what to tell him.”
“And you went straight to me trying to control you?”
“I’m sorry, baby, what else was I supposed to think? You’re the only one I know with that kind of power.”
Money wasn’t power, not if it took away the man she cared for most.
“Roxie thinks you’re threatened by the money.”
“I’m not.”
“That it diminishes your manhood.”
He actually smiled. “It doesn’t.”
“So why is it okay for a less affluent woman to be with a more affluent man? But it’s not okay the other way around? You shut me down when I tried to talk about it, which I only did because I wanted to be with you. To be together, we’d have to join our lives. We needed a plan and—it doesn’t matter.”
“It does,” he said, and grabbed her hand again. “It matters because I hurt you, and it matters because you’re right. The money stuff… when we were away… I’ve spent a lot of time these last five years focused on where our next meal is coming from. Money has been my life because I had the kids, everyone, relying on me. There wasn’t a day I woke up that I wasn’t prioritizing bills in my head, which one had we skipped last month, which one was likely to bring collectors to my door… In the shower, I’d worry what would happen if I slipped and cracked my skull open. How would they survive? What would my dad do? Where would the twins end up?”
In care, probably. And she had no idea what would happen to his mom. She’d known it was a burden on him, all of it. Though he loved his family, they were solely reliant on him. Yet she hadn’t been aware how it consumed every minute of his life. And he was right. Even a simple slip in the shower, on the stairs, on the sidewalk, could spiral everything out of control.
“I only ever wanted to be a part of your life,” she murmured. “Never to take it over.”
“And then there’s you…” He scooped both hands around her jaw to cradle her head. “This beautiful, incredible woman who lands on me from nowhere.” Not exactly accurate, but close.“And you’re not just smart, and kind, and funny, but you see beyond the—my life was never a problem for you.”
Not entirely true. “I was never wild about the other women, but I understand why you do what you do. That was never about control—”
“I know.”
“I wanted to be patient, not to rush you, but the idea of you…”
“I know,” he said again, his thumb moving in a slow caress. “I’d feel the same way. It was never about me wanting to go to them. But if I gave it up and we fell apart… When you’re living on a knife edge, it’s like the adrenaline’s going all the time. And you don’t want to let up because that’s when there’s a risk everything falls apart. And, come on, why would a woman like you want to be with me?”
“Money doesn’t matter to me.”
“Yeah, but I’m a—”
“Good, decent man, willing to do anything for the people he loves. Why wouldn’t I want to be with you?”
“Do you think we can get past this last twenty-four hours?”
“I don’t know.”
Being together in such a concentrated setting then losing each other as fast was jarring. Could they know it wouldn’t happen again? Could they trust?
“Lil’ Skit, I would never—”
“I can’t promise that Truman is done. We can go over there and talk to him, but that doesn’t mean he’ll accept us.”
“I can handle it.”
Of that she wasn’t so sure. “Can you? Because you were quick to jump ship yesterday. I need an equal who’ll fight these battles with me, not run away at the first sign of trouble.”
“I can be that guy.”
“There’s no guarantee he won’t push at you.”
“Let him push.”
