Page 105 of Nothing to Deny
The groove of his dimple distracted her. “I come upstairs with you, there are no rules. I’ll be taking what I want.”
She shivered and kissed him again. “Tonight.” What else could she say? The truth. Would it change things between them? She’d been keeping it to herself for two weeks and it didn’t feel right anymore. “I want to say something, and I don’t want you to say anything back. I think I knew before we went…” This didn’t require a rambling prologue, the words should be enough on their own. “I love you. I’m in love with you. Think about it, about maybe if you could ever feel the same way.” When air passed his lips her fingertips leaped to them. “Don’t say anything. I don’t want a knee-jerk reaction or for you to be polite. Just think about it.”
She climbed off him and he let her go. The smile on her face as she crossed the sidewalk to go into her building probably said it all to any onlookers. Maybe she’d been stupid. But however he felt, at least she could console herself knowing she told him the truth. No games or uncertainty, no drama, just the complete truth.
Of course by the time she got to her apartment, the adrenaline had worn off some. The doorman brought her thingsand shuttled her suitcase onto the stand in her closet. After tipping, she snatched her cell phone and called Roxie.
“Hey, honey! How was the flight? Any mile high action?”
“I told him I loved him.” She kicked her shoes to the corner of the closet and silently growled at the heavens. “What was I thinking?”
“Did you mean it?” Roxie asked, her teasing ebbed. “Because if you meant it, you’re supposed to say it. Some people will tell you that’s rich coming from me, but there’s no substitute for experience. If you meant it, it was the right thing to say. When did you say it? This morning…? On the flight…? What did he say? Did he say it back?”
“I told him not to say anything.” It had only happened a few minutes ago, and already it was like an out of body experience. “Why would I do that? Why wouldn’t I let him respond?”
“Because you want the truth. Guys have a habit of saying what sounds good in the moment, whether they mean it or not. You want the truth. When are you seeing him again?”
“Tonight. He asked me to go for dinner. Spend the night.”
“Well that’s a good sign. Did he say that before or after—”
“Before.” A new kind of anxiety crested. “Oh, God, what if he regrets it? Maybe he doesn’t want me to go over there now. He says there are women who use Squires like a dating service—what if it’s all been a con and I’m one of those crazy people who—”
“You are not a crazy person. If he isn’t insanely in love with you, he’s the crazy person.”
“What do I do? I shouldn’t say anything, right?”
“You can’t leave it out there forever unaddressed, but if he doesn’t bring it up…”
That was the answer. If Baer didn’t bring it up, if he didn’t bring them, their future, their potential relationship up… that was an answer in itself.
“Why do I do this to myself? Why do we bother with men and relationships?”
“Because sex is fun. Because it’s cool to have someone to eat dinner with and drive nuts every once in a while. And, mainly, because we can’t help ourselves. Oh, honey…” Her friend sighed as she plopped herself down on the closet bench. “There’s no way he doesn’t love you, just no way. Do you want to come over? Have a few glasses of wine before…?”
“That’s not a good idea. I said what I said when I was stone cold sober, imagine how my restraint will hold up if I’m drunk.”
“You’d be surprised what truths come out when we lower our inhibitions.”
And of everyone in the world, Roxie was one of the best placed to know that as fact. Second only to Zairn, Roxie’s squeeze.
“That’s what scares me.”
“I can come over and—”
“No. I’m going to unpack and take a shower.” And maybe a nap, maybe she was sleep deprived, that could be the reason for her spontaneous honesty. “But thank you, Rox. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
THIRTY-THREE
THE SHOWER AND nap revitalized her. Optimism reigned again and, grocery bag in hand, she arrived at the Claymores front door.
She knocked and waited. No answer. Strange. She knocked again and leaned in, listening for signs there were people inside. Maybe when Baer said come over, he meant his place upstairs.
Just as she backed off a step, a sound inside halted her. Maybe it was the door to the entryway being opened. Widening her smile, the click of the lock heralded the appearance of her guy. Her guy? Whether what she said earlier had an impact, the set of his brow stole her optimism.
“What’s wrong? Did something happen when we were away? Why didn’t you call me? Are the boys okay? Is it Abel? Your mom?”
“Change of plans. We’ve got something on tonight.”
