This is how you calm a panicking person. He remembers it from Jill’s birth, that literal bloodbath, how the doctor instructed him to stay close, hold Caroline’s hand, talk to her. Low voice. Shortsentences.Model calm,the ob-gyn had ordered him, as she and the nurses worked to pry the goddamned baby out of his wife’s body. It had been twenty hours. Caroline was weak and desperate, certain the baby was dead, it must be dead, why couldn’t they find the heartbeat? He couldn’t answer that but he could follow the doctor’s instructions and hold her, speak simply and quietly to her. It worked then, so he’s going to do it again now, hold this woman, soothe her, not hush her—Jesus, no hushing or whoa’ing, ever again—and bring her back to herself.
Jennyjennyjennyjenny. It’s okay. We’re here. We’re here.
But he also needs to find out what the fuck just happened, and whether it’s going to happen again. Because that was…that was…Jesus. Holding on to her is what’s keeping him from falling to pieces himself. That’s what the doctor explained to him later, when they were sewing up Caroline and he was holding his screaming daughter.I was trying to stop you from losing it as much as her.
Right. Well, he didn’t lose it then, and he won’t now.
He will make a plan.
First, he’ll call the number they gave him. Hi there, yeah, just checking in, wondering if you have an ETA on our evacuation, or maybe a best guess as to whetherthe building isfucking collapsing?
Sure, I’ll hold.
But he can’t get to the phone and comfort Jenny at the same time. He’s going to have to coax her into a state of minimal composure before he can move.
Let me go, she says. I have to leave. We have to leave. Nick, let me go. Letmego. Letmegoletmegoletmego.
We can’t, honey. Not now. We haveto—
She wails, so piteously. Like a lonely animal. He wraps his arms around her and whispers close to her ear.
Jennyjennyjennyjenny. I know, honey. I know. Breathe.
What if she tries to make a break for it? He’ll have to hold her down. She can’t go, so he’ll have to force her to stay. He’s never forced a woman to do anything, never dreamed he’d have to. He’sheld her down plenty of times, plenty of wonderful times, pretended to force himself on her as she pretended to struggle, and she loves it, when he holds her wrists over her head and…
But this is different. This is so horribly different.
Still. He can’t let her out that door.
So. Step one: calming Jenny.
Step two: calling those fire department fuckers.
Should he also call Jill? Caroline?
What? No. That’s hysterical thinking. Premature. The building stopped moving. Though what the fuck? He glances at the television. The studio anchors, the ones to whom intrepid Juliana has been reporting all night, look completely out of their depth.
We’re trying to get more information about what occurred at the scene…
Witnesses on the ground are posting videos that, that seem to show…
Juliana?
Juliana, can you hearus?
How is this happening? How has the fire, which was under control, escalated into some kind of epic cataclysm? And how are they in the middle ofit?
Pressing questions. But humped over on the floor like this, he’s not going to get answers.
Jenny honey, I should find out what’s going on. I’m going to get up. I’m—okay, I won’t. I won’t leave you. I’m here.
You know what? Let’s go together. Come on. We’ll scoot over to the phone. It’s not far. Come withme.
Like a weird pair of conjoined snails, they crawl across the floor to the nightstand. At least she’s not making those awful noises anymore. Clutch away, my dear. Whatever helps.
He manages to reach up and find the notepad. He picks up the receiver, starts to dial…
The line is dead.
