Was it revenge? On Tom, and his pats and shakes? No. But itwas a reaction. Tom put his hands on her. Nick had only touched her pearls. She’s the one who pulled him outside. Kissed him. A few days later, texted him. And a week after that, took a train into the city to meet him.
She walked from Penn to a hotel near Gramercy, a place that’s closed now. I am on my way to an assignation, she thought, and laughed at herself. Idiot! But she felt different. The world looked different, too, tinted by her secret knowledge. I am on my way to meet a man. A man who has no right to me, nor I to him.
It was a terrible idea. She barely knew the guy! But it would be just the one time. One adventure, one slip. Hardly a slip—Tom always said it would be okay.If you ever feel like you want to get even, I’ll understand.Like betrayal was a game, with a score to be balanced. She brushed it off. She never wanted to get even. But she did want this.
So Tomwise, she was in the clear. As for Nick’s beautiful, forbidding wife, well, Jenny felt awful, but again—it would be just the one time! And Nick said he would be discreet.
Thus did she push her qualms aside and do, for the first time in a long time, something purely for herself. The fact that it was wrong, well, that was unfortunate. Or maybe it was exactly why this was the thing she had to do. What better way to assert her freedom, her right to her own body, than by using it in a way she was absolutely not supposedto?
To be an individual again. That’s what she wanted. Not part of a family unit, not mother or wife, but her own, owned self. That’s why she didit.
Feminist rebellion? Please.
She just needed a little fricking privacy.
The hotel bar was crowded when she slipped in. He was ordering a drink, his back to the door. When he turned, she was looking right at him. And she sawit.
The terror.
He was terrified!
Then they were upstairs, kissing and undressing each other. Shehad forgotten what it was like to unbutton a man’s shirt. To pluck up the crisp cotton, feel it in her fingers, push the thick, translucent buttons through their holes one by one, exposing the chest underneath. A new body. And she was new, too. To him and to herself.
He was far unsteadier than her, that first time. But it didn’t take him long to pull himself together. As they kept meeting (just the one time? oh you sweet innocent!), they became themselves. He grew bossy and secure. She retreated a little, lost that heady feeling of control.
Still, she never forgot what a boy he was, that first time. How uncertain. And out on the porch, too, the way she’d had to practically show him what todo.
Does he remember? He’s probably told himself a different story.
She says none of this to him now—it’s too much, too complicated—but he’s obviously still thinking about what little she did tell him as he flips through the channels.
So you were slapped, and pawed, you missed being the person you used to be, he says. Why didn’t you let Tom know? Wouldn’t he have understood?
He might have, she says. I don’t know why I didn’t tell him. Maybe because that would have been one more thing I had to do. Not only experience the problem, but have to communicate it, then manage his feelings about it. Why should that be my obligation, too?
If he didn’t know something was wrong, he couldn’t help you.
Kind of you to be defending my husband right now, she says. Why didn’t you tell Caroline you needed to be touched, and not just when other people were watching?
Fair point. Seems like a little honest communication might fix all our problems.
Maybe we should try it, she says.
Right now?
Sure. Let’s call them.
He smiles, taking up the challenge. Now there’s an idea. Who goes first?
We’ll tell them at the same time, she says. Have a little group therapy.
I’m in. Where’s the phone?
They both turn to the nightstand, see it and lunge for it. She gets there first, grabbing the phone and swiping it awake.
Let’s see…favorites…oh, look! Caroline is listed under her real name. How nice for her. Here. She holds the phone out. You dial.
He takes it. When she answers, we’ll loop Tomin.
