That sounds like what Luciana told me.
“Hunt, why haven’t you and Cindy moved in together?”
My son flushes, and I want to roll my eyes. It’s not like I discuss my sons’ sex lives, but I’m not an idiot living under a rock.
“Hunt, you’re twenty-two, but you’ve been with her for three years. I’m definitelynotadvocating marriage at your age. In fact, I’d like to forbid all of you from marrying before you’re at least thirty-three. I married way too young at twenty-two, especially to another twenty-two-year-old.”
“I know you refuse to consider us actual adults until we’re over twenty-five, so that means only Will.”
“Despite what all of you have done, and how that’s matured you, your brain hasn’t caught up to your life experience. Thirty-three is a good age for having a fully developed brainandlife experience. Even if I don’t advocate marriage, I still figured you’d at least be talking about moving in after all this time.”
“Are you hoping I’ll hate living with her and will break up with her?”
My eyes widen as I shake my head.
“No. I like Cindy, and I think you love each other. But it’s like you’re in a holding pattern. Even if you’re not talking about marriage, you never talk about what’s to come. Not even three months in the future, and certainly not years from now. You never talk about anything beyond a few weeks down the road. Yet you’ve both told me you belong together, that you’re perfect for each other. Is that what makes you perfect?”
“No. Hardly. One of us will bring up the future, and it’s like a cue to the other to bolt from the room. We’re not on the same page, so we don’t talk about it. I feel like I’m treading water. I don’t believe I need my entire life planned, but I feel like I’m still stuck in a college relationship rather than an adult one.”
“Where’s the disconnect? Does she want to settle down, and you don’t? Or the other way around?”
“I don’t know. We just avoid the topic.”
“Is it our family that’s holding you back? You’ll have to tell her if you stay together.”
“I know. That’s definitely not something I want to discuss, but it’s not even that. You haven’t been on a date with Enrique, yet you just know.”
“We haven’t been out to dinner and a movie, but we consider our walks our dates. I know the here and the now. I know what I want for the future. But I don’t know if that’ll happen. More than anything, I know what I don’t want. I remember Dad and I nearly broke up the night we got engaged. It happened a few hours after. I don’t remember what we said, but I remember needing space. We were in Hawaii, so I went out to sit on the sand in the middle of the night. A couple months later, he came down to DC to visit me. I had a studio then, so it was tight with the two of us for two weeks plus the yellow lab I had back then. Rather than just tell me he needed a breather from being together the entire time, he insisted on going out to a bar by himself. I didn’t understand why he’d want to do that if he was in town to visit me. It felt like he was ditching me and that anybody’s company was better than mine. I questioned why he wanted to look like a single guy out at a bar if he wasn’t looking to meet someone. I was so frustrated because he just wouldn’t tell me why. It wasn’t about sparing my feelings. He just didn’t think he needed to explain. I nearly told him to go to the bar and not come back. But I kept telling myself relationships aren’t easy. That for better or for worse meant not walking away just because I was unhappy. Things got better before he went back up to Boston, and I was excited about starting a life together. Things didn’t go how I hoped.”
I won’t say more than that because Hunt lived in the same house as us. He heard the arguments. He saw us give each other the cold shoulder. He remembers how uninvolved Tim was for most of his life.
“With Enrique, it’s like the weight I’ve carried for a lifetime isn’t so heavy anymore. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it’s there because he’s willing to shoulder it along with me. I can talk to him about how I feel without him getting evasive or annoyed or belittling. Nothing about him makes me think that’ll change the longer we’re together. I had hints of what would go wrong before I got married. I’m more secure than I was when I was in my early twenties. I don’t feel like I need to cater to Enrique or give in to him because I’m scared if I’m not perfect, he’ll leave. I feel seen and understood without having to explain.”
“That. The last bit. I don’t get that with Cindy. There are times I look at her and wonder if we switched bodies with other people and have never met before.”
“I’m sorry, honey bear. I’d make it better if I could. You need to think about what you want right now and what you want in the future if you think this relationship is for the long haul. If it’s more a situationship, then enjoy it until it isn’t fun anymore.”
“It stopped being fun a while ago. Do you see yourself growing old with Enrique?”
“I didn’t want to picture that. Or at least, I didn’t want to picture growing old living with someone else. I thought I’d be happy with his and her lives that overlapped when we wanted to be together, then went back to being independent when we didn’t. Once I let my guard down—or rather Enrique forced me to stop hiding behind it—I realized I want our life together. I don’t know if it’ll work out, but I want to try.”
“Thanks, Mom. I’m going to help Cindy, and once she feels better, we’re going to talk.”
“If you need anything, let me know. Otherwise, keep me posted.”
I never ask details unless they bring it up. I don’t want to be a Smother Mother, so it’s hard not knowing more. But I trust them, and they wind up telling me a lot of things on their own. I wonder if Enrique has a similar relationship with any of his nephews. I wonder if he ever regrets not having his own kids.
“I’ll let you know when I get home.”
I frown as I look toward the window. It’s already dark. I’m glad it’s only a four-hour drive on a major interstate and not winding country roads.
“Do you have to go back into the city, or are you getting straight on the highway?”
“I’m getting straight on the road. Are you going to be all right here?”
“Yes. I have work to do, then I’ll veg until I’m ready for bed. I’ll be here, writing for the next few days. When Enrique’s back, I’ll see whether those plans change.”
“All right. I love you.”
