“I’m sorry,” I say.
“That was amazing, Abbs! You’re such a great kisser.”
“Have you ever kissed someone, Craig?”
“Yeah, but not with so much passion.”
“Have you ever made love?”
“No.”
His directness dumbfounds me. You can really talk like that? Simply, without the double entendre? Question, answer. It’s so calming. Though, on the other hand, Ve used to talk like that in the beginning. That’s what won me over. I loved it. Why did it have to go to shit? Why won’t he spend time with me anymore or talk to me? What am I doing wrong? Life would be so much simpler if people just talked to each other normally.
“I didn’t have too many opportunities,” Craig adds, shamefaced. “If you catch my drift.”
“I do. Thanks for today. It was a very nice day. I needed to spend some time with someone simple, open, and forthright.”
“My pleasure.” He hugs me with one arm in a buddy-like manner, but I can see it’s a lot more than that to him. I know that now.
“Come on, I’ll walk you to the bus stop. School should be over in a moment.”
“I’ve got to ask you something, honey,” I say. “Let this stay between the two of us, okay?” I feel I can trust him.
I analyze what happened on my way home. Do I feel guilty about that kiss? I don’t think so, and that terrifies me. My inner demons, who have surfaced more often lately, have been placated. I only had to spend some time with someone who was genuinely happy to see me. I can’t blame myself for something that made me feel happy again. It’s only that… well, the demons are still there, only slumbering. Isn’t that a vicious circle? Even if they’re asleep now, there will come a moment when I feel unworthy and worthless again, and there they go again. There has to be some way to get rid of them. But how?
That kiss was so innocent… I will never mention it to anyone…
Chapter 66
Abby
Craig and I skip school more often now. Sometimes we take other people with us and have fun in the local forests and clearings. We fool around and soak up the nature. I always come back home happy after days like that. Whenever the teachers are checking the attendance list, reach my name, and realize I’m not there, they automatically raise their heads, knowing Craig won’t be anywhere either. But they’re not making it difficult. Besides, I’m so good at forging Mom’s signature now, nobody would even think to doubt it’s the real deal.
Mom was at the parent-teacher conference today. When she’s back, she takes me to the side and says, “I don’t think all those signatures on absence excuses are mine, Abigail.” She gives me a piercing stare.
“None of those signatures were yours,” I retort, noticing the disbelief on her face with satisfaction. “But don’t worry, I’ve got it all under control.”
“I noticed. Your grades have improved too. That’s why I didn’t comment when your teacher tried telling me you were skipping classes more often than I had the right to know.”
“Thanks, Mom. I’m glad you trust me again.”
Dad, on the other hand, gets under my skin again. Mom doesn’t feel well, and seeing her writhing in pain, not only did he let her go—he didn’t even offer to go instead. I’ll never fucking get that. How can you be such a damned egocentric? I don’t like it. During vacation, when Mom would come home from work totally drained, she’d have to wait until ten in the evening to pick up my brother from his girlfriend’s place. Dad would explain that he’d already had a beer and he couldn’t go. I’m just so pissed at him!
My old folks are spending more and more time in Daisy Valley. Dad is practically living there now. He changed jobs and moved there. Mom is supposed to join him when Lucius finishes primary school, so he can start high school there. Mom’s working in Crown anyway. It’s a lot closer to Daisy Valley than our current flat. So everyone wins. Almost everyone. I don’t want to move with them. I couldn’t live in the countryside. I love the city lights, the whoosh of air on the balcony, the sunsets and sunrises. I’d never change it to anything.
I’m making tea when there’s a knock at the door. I stopped calling and visiting Ve. I wanted to check when he’d recall he has a girlfriend. It took him a week. Yeah, that’s how much time passed since our last contact.
“Hello, Connor.”
“Hi, Abigail.” He gives me a look as he comes in. “What’s up with you?”
“What do you mean?” I ask dispassionately.
“You didn’t call.”
“Really, Connor? And am I the only one that should? What about you? That’s not how a relationship should look. I thinkboth sides should be equally interested. I was just wondering when you’d recall that you’re still my man.”
“What are you on about, Gail?”
