Page 85 of Heartless
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I gave up pretending I wasn’t having fun about four hours later while exploring the jellyfish exhibit at SeaWorld. It was mesmerizing. Tanks of various sizes filled with swirling colors and delicate tentacles floating gracefully in the water. I stared at it in awe when someone bumped into me, sending me flying right into the tank. My hands shot forward, but before I hit the glass, Parker grabbed a fistful of my hoodie and yanked me backwards, then sent a death glare towards a group of teenagers.
I started sweating from the embarrassment. I almost face planted into a tank with jellyfish in a room full of people. My face burned and I was glad that I woke early enough to put on makeup. Otherwise the shame I felt would be visible for every single person. Glancing around I found out no one was looking at me. Not even Parker. Both his hands were shoved into the pockets of his hoodie, sparring me no attention at all.
Why did I feel so embarrassed? It was such a casual situation. Even if I had hit the tank, all of these people would have forgotten about it two minutes later. No one cared.
So I decided that if all of these people didn’t even spare me a second glance, I could have a day of not caring about my appearance either. I would let go, stuff my face with junk food and have fun.
An hour later Parker and I settled into our seats at the edge of the Splash Zone, eagerly awaiting the start of the dolphin show. We didn’t talk much and yet it wasn’t weird at all. We shared a comfortable silence. Our bodies touched randomly from time to time. The only premeditated touching on both our sides was when he placed his hand on my back to navigate me somewhere. I liked it and it surprised me more than I had words to describe.
The announcer's voice echoed, signaling the beginning of the dolphin show. Parker glanced at me, his eyes sparkling with…something. I smiled in return. It was probably the most sincere moment I had allowed us two to have ever. We weren’t two people bound by a complicated contract of mutual financial interest at that moment. I wasn’t fake dating him to appease my mother. He wasn’t a widower who was using me as a rebound. We were just two people having a day off from our messed up lives.
Was that what people referred to as happiness? The serenity Parker and I shared in that moment? Or maybe I was making things complicated again. Like Parker once accused me of doing.
Was I doing it in all aspects of my life? Like my mother for example. I was in my thirties. Would it really be that bad if I told her to respectfully mind her own business? Could I start living my life with the possibility of feeling something for someone? A family seemed like too much for me to handle but maybe someday I would be ready for that too.
Parker leaned forward slightly as he didn’t want to miss a single moment from the show and I focused my attention on the pool. The dolphins burst from the water in a dazzling display of acrobatics. Their sleek bodies cut through the air with effortless grace, sending arcs of water cascading in every direction. In my eagerness to take it all in, I leaned a little too far forward. Suddenly, a massive wave of water surged over the edge of the pool, drenching me from head to toe.
I gasped in shock, feeling the icy water soak through my clothes and plaster my hair to my face. For a moment, I was frozen in place, unable to comprehend what had just happened.
Then, laughter bubbled up from deep within me, spilling out in uncontrollable giggles. Parker turned to me, completely soaked as well, grinning and pulling me closer as we watched the rest of the show unfold. When it ended Parker tried to stand up, but I reached out and squeezed his hand. He remained seated, but turned his body in my direction. He didn’t lean in, nor did he initiate any physical contact. He just looked at me. I was probably a complete mess with makeup running down my face. And he still looked at me like I was beautiful. Or at least that’s how he made me feel. And then I realized that Parker had seen me, the real me, quite a few times now.
The real Madison, who almost messed up her little sister’s wedding.
Madison, who lost her job because of her injured ego.
And Madison, who acted like a little girl that was scared to confront her mother.
Parker saw all of that and strangely he hadn’t really run for the hills.
People were bumping into us as they were leaving and he just looked at me. Waiting for me to speak or act without pushing me.
“I want to kiss you,” I blurted out and a second later I burst into tears.
He grabbed the front of my hoodie in a fist and dragged me forward until my body was flushed with his.
We didn’t kiss. He just hugged me while I wept.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Parker
Four days after we went to SeaWorld, I listened to Mel explaining a problem she had with a drunken client the previous night and watched Madison through the glass wall of the lobby. She talked on the phone and walked around aimlessly. But that wasn’t the reason I watched her.
I watched her because I just couldn’t stop myself from spying on her at that particular moment. She paid no attention to the delivery guy approaching her. One look at him and she would know, but she didn’t glance at him. Not even once. Not until he stood rightin front of her.
She finished up her call quickly. I couldn’t see her face clearly enough, but the way she buried her nose in the pink roses the moment the delivery guy turned his back on her, made my entire day.
Then she focused on her phone again and a sting of disappointment passed through me. Was that it? One sniff and then back to whoever she was talking to?
My phone buzzed.
Madison: Stop sending me flowers.
I smiled.
Me: Why?
