Page 73 of Heartless
Madison nodded. “I don’t have kids, but I’m sure that losing a child is the worst thing that could happen to a parent.”
That was the moment to tell her about my son, but I didn’t. “Jess and I formed a connection over the shared loss. Ryan tried to tell us we were keeping each other in a constant state of grief. That it was unhealthy. But for a really long time, I felt like Jessica was the only one that understood how I felt. On a particularly bad day a few monthsago, I accused her of wanting to keep me grieving forever, just to have someone to cry with. Not my finest moment. But I was angry and she was there and I took it out on her. But yes, to answer your question, Jessica and I are close. She’s like a second mother to me and my closest connection to Franny.”
Maybe I shouldn’t have said that to the woman I promised to kiss again tonight just a few hours ago, but that ship had sailed the moment she realized I had been keeping an entire marriage a secret from her.
Madison fidgeted in her spot. “And how…How did it happen? Was she in an accident?”
I shook my head. “Cancer. We found out a few months after the wedding.” I felt like I was letting Franny down by not talking about the baby but I just couldn’t do it. “She died before our first anniversary.”
Madison closed her eyes and shook her head. “I can’t imagine how much pain Clementine’s wedding must have caused you.”
I didn’t say anything because denying it would be a lie, but confirming it would only make Madison feel even worse. Back then she refused to take no for an answer; she didn’t know about my situation. She hadn’t done any of it to hurt me.
“I’m so sorry,” she continued. “I was such a bitch the entire time.”
I chuckled. “I can’t believe Madison Hartley just said a potty word.”
The pity in her eyes made me uncomfortable. Fortunately for me, she focused her gaze on the TV again. “What’s so special about this moment? I mean besides you two being obviously completely in love with each other.” She smiled an apologetic smile.
“She laughs at something I said. And I can’t remember what it was.”
“Does it matter?”
“The last months were a blur of pain and sadness. I tried to keep it together. I was so focused on not breaking down, I never made her laugh like that. She deserved better.”
Shame about the way I resented Franny for choosing our son over me made it difficult for me to continue talking.
Madison must have felt that I needed a change of the subject. “She adored you. It’s obvious.”
“She was everything to me and I let her down.”
Madison reached out and placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. “I’m sure you took good care of her.”
This empathy was so unlike her, I startled for a moment, but then I relaxed and patted her hand with mine, thinking about how her presence felt so unexpectedly easy in that moment.
I played the video again and watched it with a mixture of pain and warmth that flooded my heart as Franny laughed and smiled and cried with joy on the screen.
Madison didn't press further with questions or attempts to console me, probably sensing the emotional turmoil within me. Instead, she just remained there beside me.
As the video reached its end, I turned to Madison, catching her gaze. In that moment, the weight of grief felt a bit lighter and that only amplified my guilt about betraying Franny by inviting Madison her, by kissing her, by wanting to move on.
“You had a beautiful wedding,” she said quietly and I just nodded. “It’s late. I should go.”
We both got up and walked with her to The Pink Diamond, keeping my distance. Watching the wedding video kind of tampered with the way I felt about her earlier. If she had noticed the change, she didn’t acknowledge it at all. It was a bastard move on my part to kiss her and tell her that I wanted to touch her everywhere and then completely close off but I just couldn’t continue where we left off. It was like a switch was flipped.
“I want a new carpet now that the dog is finally gone.”
My head snapped up and I realized we were standing in front of her door.
“What?” I asked, confused.
“You are buying me a new carpet, Wilson. That one stinks. Call it a Christmas gift if you want.”
I chuckled. “Are you buying me a Christmas gift?”
“You wish,” she snorted, then turned around, got into her villa and slammed the door in my face.
Thankful she got us back in a familiar territory, I slipped back into The Blue Diamond.
