Page 40 of Love and Other Chances
Bailey even appears to be having a good time, joining in a group song with Catherine and Sarah. I notice that Amaya and Lana both make it a point to include her. Having all of these people here to celebrate me, to celebratelife, makes me all kinds of grateful and elated. I just have to avoid the one person responsible for it all.
By the time our reservation ends at 10:00 p.m., my vocal cords are shot, but my heart is full.
Best night ever.
“This is just like the old days! I could cry!” I exclaim. Lana and Amaya are staying at my place tonight, and we’re currently camped out on my double bed with slushies. I’m sitting cross-legged in the middle of the bed, facing them as they lean against my headboard.
“Thank you so, so much for coming. I still can’t believe you’re here,” I say. “I’m so HAPPY!” I throw my hands up and fall back on the bed. Amaya has the presence of mind to remove the slushie cup from my hand before I risk dropping it on the floor.
Lana laughs, but then her voice takes on a curious tone when she comments, “Seems like Brooks planned your dream birthday party.”
I fold my arms to cover my face. “Yes. Yes, he did. Why did he plan my dream party?”
“That question might be secondary,” Amaya states. I peek out from behind my arms. “The real question is: how do youfeelabout him planning your dream party?”
I groan, staring up at the ceiling as I process out loud. “I don’t know. I mean, of course, it makes me feel special that someone went to so much effort. That someone knew what I would want and made it happen, right down to getting you two in attendance.”
Lana pats my leg that’s stretched out next to her. “But how do you feel aboutBrooksbeing the someone who did that?”
I don’t want to admit the truth out loud. Because the truth is that far down in the deepest recesses of my heart, I love it. Ilovethat it was Brooks who did this for me. But the fact that I love it makes me recoil. I want to run away from my reaction to him. Run away fromhim. I’m the kid who got burned and is now skittish around the fireplace. Every instinct screams to stay far away, yet the mysterious beauty of the flames entices me.
“I don’t know,” is all I manage to say. “What do you think?”
“This isn’t something we can think for you, Teegs,” Lana says softly.
“That’s not fair though—I told you that you should get back together with Mateo, and look at you now! You owe me decisive advice,” I whine. Lana rolls her eyes.
“Well, if that’s the card you’re going to pull, then I’ll remind you of what you said to me,” Lana chides.
I yell out, “Don’t remind me!” as Lana talks over me saying, “You don’t have to limp through life knowing you’ve been cut off from your person.”
I’m silenced.
“You were thinking about Brooks when you said that, weren’t you, Teeg?” Amaya asks.
My continued silence is enough of an answer.
Lana plops down next to me, leaning the side of her head against mine. “We’re not going to tell you what to do, Beef. You obviously have some tough history with Brooks.Andhe’s clearly changed a lot since high school. But this is your heart we’re talking about here. Amaya and I can’t tell you how you should hold your heart in this situation.”
Amaya flops down on my other side, making me the middle of a Beef sandwich. My happiness would be complete in this moment if not for these lingering questions.
“No matter what you decide to do, we’re with you,” Amaya adds.
I chew my lip. “So, if I decide to fly to Italy tomorrow to start a new, exciting life, you’ll come with?”
Lana slaps my arm. “Be serious. You know what she means.”
“I’m always serious,” I deadpan.
“Always,” Amaya says, and I can hear the eye roll in her tone.
“No more serious talk. Time to reminisce about all of our favorite college memories,” I announce. The great thing about best friends is that they know you as well as you know yourself. So they know I need to move on to light-hearted conversation. And that’s exactly what we do.
I barely sleep, but it’s not because of my conflicting thoughts. It’s because we stay awake most of the night talking and laughing, swapping memories and current updates. And draining our slushies, of course. This night with my Beefs is the balm for my soul I didn’t know I needed so desperately.
The balm that Brooks made possible.
Chapter sixteen
