Page 64 of Lost and Found Cowboy
“I know. I’m doing a bad job of explaining it, but I just don’t want you to get hurt.”
And she didn’t wantherselfto get hurt.
She was starting to like this guy, and to depend on him,too much. If…when…he left—which they always left—she, and her kids, would be devastated.
“Hurt? You mean by The Turd? I’m not afraid of him. I’m waiting, no,begging, for him to come at me. I can’t wait to show him the way a backhand to the face, then a roundhouse to the head, feels.”
“This is what I’m talking about. I don’t want you to have to fight Lyle for me.”
“Nothaveto…getto.”
“I’m serious. He’s dangerous, and I won’t have you putting yourself at risk for me. I don’t need you to be my hero.”
His expression clouded. “I already told you that just because I ride a white horse, to not expect me to be a conquering hero. I’mnothero material, and I’ve never been anyone’s knight in shining armor. That’s not what I was trying to do. I’ve told you before how amazing and brave I think you are, and I’ve always tried to encourage you to be your own hero.”
“Thank you. I appreciate that. And I want to be. But I can’t if you’re always stepping in and trying to save me. I know you don’t understand my decision to give up the shop, and I just can’t keep defending that decision to you. I have to do what I think is right for me and my kids. You said above all else we were friends, so I need you to be my friend now, and give me some space to deal with my ex-husband. On my own.”
“Are you serious?” The light banter was gone, replaced with confusion and hurt. “Lorna, wewerefriends,arefriends, but I thought we…”
He wasn’t getting it.
“No, you thought wrong. This is not what I want. Or what I need. I got carried away. I let things get too intimate. I crossed the line, and I’m sorry.” She could see the pain in his eyes, theway he kept flinching, as if her words were cutting him to the quick. She felt like an inept surgeon, slicing off pieces of this sweet man’s heart.
And that was the problem too. Mack was sweet and kind and thoughtful. He was someone she could really fall for.
Who was she kidding? She’d already fallen. Hard.
But she couldn’t afford to fall for someone. Not now. Maybe not ever. She had her kids to focus on. Her business. Or getting a job, now that her business was gone.
“There’s nothing to be sorry for,” he said. “I was there too.”
“Yes, well, spending a few nights in bed together doesn’t mean you get to decide things in my life.”
“I was trying to help.”
“I don’t want your help. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. You’re acting like we’re a real couple, and we’renot.”
Those were the words that finally did it, that shut the light completely down in his eyes.
His shoulders sagged, and she could almost see the defensive walls go shooting up around him.
“No, I guess not.” He pushed up from the swing. “I’ll get out of your way then.” He turned and strode away, cutting through the yard between her house and her neighbor’s.
She wanted to call his name, to tell him she didn’t mean it, and to have him come back and put his arms around her again. Because in his arms had been the only place that had felt right the past several days. The only place she felt like she could breathe. Or laugh. Or cry.
The only place she could truly feel safe to just be herself.
And now she had pushed him away.
She knew she was doing it to protect him. The dream she’d had that afternoon had felt like a premonition, and she couldn’t allow it to come true—couldn’t forgive herself if she let Lyle do anything to harm Mack.
But in her heart, she knew she was breaking it off now, before they got even closer, to protect herself, too.
It was almostnine that night when Lorna went into the kitchen to make a cup of tea. She’d gotten both kids to bed almost an hour ago, then put on her most comfy pajama pants and a soft faded T-shirt and tried to read then watch some television. But she couldn’t focus on her book or pay attention to a show.
Her heart was aching, and she kept second-guessing her decision to push Mack away. She knew it was the right thing to do, to protect him, and to keep her from getting too close then having another man in her life leave her. And her kids. But it still hurt.
A knock sounded at the front door, and she let out a small yelp as she jumped. She heard the doorknob jiggle.
