Page 57 of Bound By Thorns
I’d been crying, just overwhelmed by everything. In the shower, my knees gave out and I crashed down hard on the slick surface. The physical pain wasn’t much, but the fall felt like a heavy reminder of all the past torture and weakness, and that really hurt.
Recovering from the surgery wasn’t just a physical thing; it was messing with my emotions too. My hormones were all scrambled, and each day felt like riding through a storm. And then there was Logan, the man who somehow became the focus of my thoughts.
His apology earlier was deep and sincere. His eyes were pleading, full of a weariness. He was broken too, and I knew I had a part in that.
I shut the door on him because I couldn’t bear to look at the man I’d pushed to the point where he felt he needed to kneel and beg for forgiveness. Once he knew the whole story, once he understood the depth of what had happened, that was enough for me. Out of everyone, he was the only one I wanted to understand me the most.
I didn’t need to forgive him because I hadn’t really blamed him in the first place. I blamed myself. I felt responsible. I felt guilty.
Afterwards, I just cried it all out and was glad to have escaped the numbness.
TWENTY-FOUR
Kaylan
“How have you been feeling, physically?” Gabriella asked gently, breaking the silence.
“Better,” I admitted. “The surgery went well. The doctors said my body responded better than they expected.”
“And how do you feel about that?” she prompted.
I hesitated, my chest tightening as I searched for the words. “Relieved,” I said finally. “I mean, I know it’s not a guarantee or anything, but at least… at least the option for kids isn’t completely gone. It’s still there.”
Dr. Mendoza nodded, her expression encouraging. “That’s a big step, Kaylan. You’ve been through so much physically, and yet you’re still here, still pushing forward. How’s the training going?”
I straightened slightly, a flicker of pride breaking through the usual weight on my shoulders. “It’s going well. I’m gathering strength every day. I know I’m not back to full capacity yet, but I’m getting closer. I just need more time.”
She tilted her head, her gaze steady. “Are you sure you’re ready? Physically, it sounds like you’re making progress. But what about mentally?”
“I’m working on it. The nightmares haven’t stopped, but they’ve gotten… quieter, I guess. Less frequent.”
“And Logan?” she asked.
I hesitated, my throat tightening. “We talk sometimes. Orhetalks. After he learned the truth about Ravenrock, about what really happened… he’s been calmer. Sweeter, even. I get why he reacted the way he did before. I don’t blame him.”
“But?” she prompted gently, sensing the weight behind my words.
“But I feel guilty,” I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. “I can see how broken he is, and I can’t fix it. I can’t get him out of that state.”
Dr. Mendoza’s brow furrowed slightly, her tone curious. “Why do you think it’s your responsibility to fix him?”
The question hit me like a punch, and a memory surfaced unbidden. Logan’s voice, raw and filled with conviction, echoed in my mind.
‘You’re not my tormentor, baby. You’re my savior.’
I blinked rapidly, my jaw tightening as the realization settled over me like a suffocating weight. “Because,” I said quietly, “he thinks I saved him. But now… now I feel like I am his tormentor again. Like I’m failing him all over again. The things I said to him…”
Dr. Mendoza’s silence was patient, letting me process the emotions twisting inside me.
“And he keeps apologizing,” I said, my voice rising in frustration. “For everything. For the things he said, for the way he reacted. I know I forgive him. And I do. But then what? What good is my forgiveness when I’m too broken to be anything for him?”
Dr. Mendoza leaned forward slightly, her voice calm but firm. “You’re holding onto a lot, Kaylan. You’re carrying his pain and your own, and that’s a heavy load for anyone to bear. But can I point something out?”
I nodded hesitantly, not trusting myself to speak.
“You have unresolved feelings for Logan. And we’ll keep talking about the bond, or maybe trauma bond, that you share with him,” she said gently. “But that doesn’t mean you’re not making progress. Physically, you’re stronger. Mentally, you’re processing. And emotionally, you’re confronting things you’ve avoided for a long time. You’ve come a long way, Kaylan.”
Her words settled over me.
