Page 73 of Coming Up Roses
“No, I don’t think so. A little pink in the cheeks, but that’s not unusual.” His mouth lifts into a smirk.
I narrow my eyes at him. “Are you mocking me?” I fold my arms and stare him down, willing myself to hold it together and not laugh.
“Not at all.” His sincerity, his openness, is one of my favourite things about him. He reacts out a thumb and brushes it over my cheek. “I love your blush,Rosie.”
Oh.
That’s where Rosie comes from? I just assumed it was a dumb nickname spurned from the flower debacle. Not anendearment.
Words freeze in my throat, but Flynn doesn’t seem to notice. He just turns his attention back to driving.
We bypass the main house, though my gaze is searching, looking for Sadie. I don’t spot her and as we descend the slight hill down to the barn I realise why. She’s with Katie, putting Scout and Aurora back in their paddock. They must have been riding after school.
“Flynn,” Sadie shouts as soon as he opens his door.
“Heya, sprout,” he replies cheerfully, stretching his arms out to catch her as she leaps at him. “Look who I brought with me.” He lowers her back to the ground and Sadie spins towards me.
She hesitates for barely a second before throwing herself at me too. “Hey, mama,” she says.
My arms tighten around her as my heart freezes, thenswells. “Hey, sweet girl,” I murmur against her hair, tears burning at my eyes. She’s never called me anything close to mum before. So far she’s pretty much avoided calling me anything, though I’m not sure anyone else, including Sadie, is aware of that.
“Hey, Abi, Flynn,” Katie says, slinging the horses lead ropes over her shoulder and approaching us after she’s finished latching the gate. “Hey, Sadie, I have to go check something, do you want to stay with your mum and Flynn while I do, or come with me?”
I had my reservations about Katie when I first arrived. Not about how she is with Sadie, but how she’d be with me and whether her relationship with Dallas is too new to handle my sudden appearance, but she’s taken it all in stride. And I love how she gives Sadie choices, like this one.
Sadie peers up at me. “Can I stay with you?”
My breath catches in my throat again. I clear my throat and force words out. “Sure thing.”
“I should only be about fifteen minutes,” Katie says.
I nod, my heart still in my throat. As much as I’ve wanted more with Sadie, I haven’t yet looked after her alone.
Before, this was the moment when everything would fall apart.
This is the time I’d have a panic attack and Dallas would realise he couldn’t leave me alone with my own daughter.
I could once upon a time, but after Sadie and I had that horse riding accident … I just couldn’t anymore.
I tried, but every time Dallas went to walk out the door, my throat would close up, my vision would go dark and I’d lose it.
As if the stress of Sadie’s injuries wasn’t enough to deal with, then he had to deal with my complete breakdown as well.
That’s why I left them, so Dallas had one less thing to worry about. Sure leaving him a single parent probably wasn’t great, but at least he wasn’t responsible for all of Sadie’s care as well as me.
I’ve spent the intervening years in therapy and fine-tuning anxiety medication until I had my life back under control and now here I am, on the verge of losing my shit all over again, despite all that work I’ve put in.
I’m not even truly alone, because Flynn is here, wheeling his motorbike towards the ute.
Katie’s still talking and I force myself to breathe and listen to what she’s saying. “If you need something to occupy her, she needs to clean Scout’s bit.”
“Yeah, of course,” I say, voice thick.
Katie studies me for a moment, her expression resolute. “You’re fine, Abi. You’ve got this. Fifteen minutes.”
I swallow and nod. She knows, and she has faith in me anyway. She climbs into the side-by-side, gives Sadie and Flynn a wave and heads down the farm.
“Hey, Sadie,” I call out and she turns towards me. “Do you need to do something with Scout’s tack?”
