Page 37 of Coming Up Roses
Even mentioning Sadie didn’t deter me. All I could think about was his hands on my body and if a grinding session on his dirt bike could feel that good, how good could the rest of it be?
I probably should be thinking more of Sadie, because if something went wrong between Flynn and I, it would make things super awkward on the farm, and they’re already bad enough.
But I don’t want to think about all my failures right now.
I want to go back to that moment where I felt fully surrounded by Flynn. His solid chest against my back, his hands on me—and not in a gentle or friendly way—and his erection rubbing against my ass. I can’t stop thinking about it.
In that moment, nothing else mattered except his hard body and how it made mine feel. His hands made my blood sing and while our bodies were pressed together, I was completely out of my head and completely in that moment.
I’m not ready to let that feeling go, but I can’t push him any more than I already have.
“Can we just pretend today never happened?” he asks and when I glance over at him, he’s looking at me with pleading eyes. His usual carefree grin is nowhere to be seen. There’s no teasing in his expression now.
“I can’t.” My voice gets stuck in my throat and Flynn slams his eyes closed and groans. “Because I learned to drive amotorbike today and that’s the coolest thing I’ve done in forever.”
A smile tugs at Flynn’s mouth as he slowly cracks his eyes open again, as though waiting for some awful punchline. “That was pretty cool,” he admits. “You can remember that part.”
I open the ute door and unbuckle my seatbelt. “Thank you, Flynn. I had a great time. I don’t intend to forget a second of it.Anyof it.”
He tips his head back and groans. “Abigail.”
I ignore the way he drags out my name and the shiver that runs down my spine. “See you tomorrow, Flynn,” I call back to him as I jump out of the ute and scurry to my car.
As soon as I leave the farm, my brain kickstarts the replay of those moments on the beach—Flynn’s hands on my body, him massaging my tits and his fingers between my thighs, his mouth on mine and that delicious hard bulge I felt in his pants.
There’s no way I’m going to forget that. Not even if I wanted to.
I have to force myself to drive slowly back into town. I want to race. I want to be back there already, because I’ve got a long afternoon planned with the curtains closed and the memory of our tryst on the beach firmly at the front of my mind.
I thinkFlynn is avoiding me.
Since I started at Wildflower Ridge he’s been everywhere, always willing to lend a hand and getting in my space, even when I didn’t want him to.
Now, I do want him in my space and he’s like an elusive little butterfly, always just out of reach.
It’s not like I never see him. He’s around. He calls into the function venue at least every couple of days. I see him on the occasions I head up to Violet’s house for lunch, which I try to do at least weekly, sometimes more often. I can even drive myself up there without Flynn or Dallas dragging me out of my office and forcing me to go, like the first few times.
I even once saw Flynn at the tiny supermarket in town on a Tuesday night. He was wearing a bright green hoodie, shorts and sneakers. I almost didn’t recognise him out of his farming clothes, but once I did, I couldn’t stop staring. That hoodie looked made for hugging. He didn’t hug me though, just waved from his spot in the checkout line. By the time I’d grabbed my few essentials and paid for them, he was gone. I had to give myself a severe lecture about the level of disappointment I felt after that interaction, but I still went home and got off to thoughts of his hands on my body.
Every time I see Flynn, he’s friendly and chatty with his trademark grin. It’s like nothing happened between us. Meanwhile, I only have to think of Flynn, or that moment on the beach and I feel like I’m going to spontaneously combust.
But he asked me to forget it, and while I can’t actually do that, I can pretend like I have when he’s around.
I’ve spent years feeling like I’m constantly trapped in my head, between my anxiety and the massive depression I slid into after I left my family. While I have those issues mostly under control these days, the overthinking and second guessing has never left.
Until that moment on the beach with Flynn.
First it was the motorbike and the feeling of freedom racing along the beach, then learning to drive it and the sense of accomplishment for doing something so far outside my comfort zone I thought I might vomit the first time Flynn mentioned it.
Then he put his hands on me and there were no thoughts in my head, except for the man wrapped around me.
It’s probably selfish, but I want that again. I need that again.
I just don’t know how to get it without pushing Flynn too hard, without hurting him. I don’t want him to feel used and as much as friends with benefits sounds like the perfect solution to me, I’m not going to risk the friends part.
I’ve screwed up enough relationships in my life already. I’m not willing to risk any more.
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