Page 25 of Coming Up Roses
Katie laughs. “Yeah, Olivia keeps telling me I need to work on my trust issues.”
“Trust issues?”
“Yeah, like trusting that the world isn’t a totally shitty place all the time.”
Oh. I study her, sitting comfortably astride this stunning horse, her long blonde hair braided down her back, smile on her face as she watches Sadie appear in the barn doorway. I know the man she’s in love with, and the place she calls home, the people she calls her family. It’s hard to believe Katie could ever believe the world is a shitty place.
“Let’s go, Lady Sadie,” Katie calls.
“Coming,” Sadie shouts back and plonks her helmet on herhead. She races across the gravel yard trying to secure the chin strap as she goes.
In a moment so fast I barely register it happening, Sadie trips over her own feet and flies through the air. She hits the ground, sliding to a stop in the small, fine gravel, her unfastened helmet skidding away.
My breath stops.
All I can hear is the thundering of my heart in my ears. My vision blurs and I think for a moment we’re experiencing an earthquake as the world around me tilts.
Time slows down and speeds up and everything I’ve eaten today rises.
I might faint. I might vomit. I might stand here frozen, unable to move as I stare at the tiny body on the ground.
Then Katie’s boots hit the gravel and a second later she’s kneeling on the ground beside my daughter.
My daughter, who lets out a piercing wail and starts to cry as Katie helps her sit up. There’s blood spilling down her chin and she holds her palms up to Katie. I can see the red from here.
Katie checks Sadie over as I stand frozen, my fingers locked around the two sets of reins. Aurora doesn’t seem fazed by the commotion or Katie’s quick dismount and takes a couple of steps towards the pair on the ground, as if seeing for herself that Sadie is okay. The mare snuffles at Katie’s shoulder.
“She’s okay.” I hear Katie say the words, but they sound muffled, like I’m underwater. It kind of feels like I’m underwater actually, like I don’t quite have full control of my body and my lungs are burning because I can’t breathe.
Breathing. That’s important.
I open my mouth and suck down some air, then release it in a shuddering exhale. I take several more breaths, forcing myself to slow each one down, even though my body’s natural inclination is to gasp in rapid intakes of oxygen.
Katie is helping Sadie to her feet now, after carefully inspecting each inch of her. “Let’s get you cleaned up. Do you still want to go riding after?”
Sadie’s eyes are huge, round and filled with tears. Her cheeks are wet and blotchy, but the blood on her chin is already drying. I don’t know where she’s bleeding from. Did she graze her chin when she hit the ground? Or is the blood coming from her mouth?
The little girl stands with her palms face up in front of her and shakes her head, never taking her blue eyes off Katie.
“Okay,” Katie says. “Can you wait real quick while I get the horses back in their paddocks?”
Sadie’s lip wobbles, but she nods and sniffs.
“I’ll take care of it.” My voice is so rough it takes me a moment to realise that it was actually me saying the words.
Katie glances at me, as if remembering I’m still here. I understand why she forgot I was, it’s not like I did anything when my daughter hurt herself.
“You sure?” Katie asks, her voice soft.
“Yep, you take care of Sadie. I’ll put these guys away.” I gesture to the horses, then reach out for Aurora’s reins. “I hope you feel better soon, Sadie,” I say, the words sticking in my throat.
She sniffs again, then wipes her tears away on her sleeve. Katie puts a hand on her back and turns her for home. I watch them go, then lead the horses back to the barn where I strip them of their gear and lie to myself that I didn’t just completely screw everything up.
13
FLYNN
The tractor rumblesbeneath me as I guide it back to its parking spot beside the implement shed. I switch off the ignition and appreciate the moment of silence that follows. It’s a strange thing, because even though the world isn’t quiet, in the seconds following turning a tractor off it always feels like it is, before my hearing adjusts to a normal noise level again.
