Page 101 of Coming Up Roses
And instead she spent half the night at the hospital and I’ll be sleeping in there the rest of the night.
“I don’t have to sleep in there,” I say. “The couch is fine.”
She gives me a look. “Like you’ll fit on that couch.” She glances at it, her gaze lingering and her cheeks turning pink. I refuse to think about what I know is currently on her mind. The night I spread her out on that coffee table. The night she knelt before me and rocked my world as I sat on the couch in question.
Yeah, so I’ll be sleeping in Sadie’s room.
“You want to know something?” I say as I step past her. “It was my room first anyway.”
Abi’s eyes light up. “Please tell Sadie that tomorrow. She’ll love it.”
“Alright.”
Then I head to bed, alone, and thank fuck I’m as exhausted as I am from all the late hours I’ve done this week, because I fall asleep after only a small amount of angsting over Abi and how much I miss feeling her skin under my hands.
More than that just missing her body, I miss her, in general.All of her. I’m in way too deep and I don’t know what to do except let myself drown.
Car doors slammingwakes me from a restless sleep. I crack my eyes open at horse posters plastered over the walls and when I roll over I almost fall off the side of the single bed.
Sadie’s bed.
Ah, that’s right. I guess my plan to wake up early and slip out isn’t going to work anymore.
I can hear Abi’s voice filtering down the hallway, then Dallas’s.
Fuck, is this going to be weird? At least I’m not in Abi’s bed this time.
I push myself up and find the jeans and t-shirt I dumped on the floor last night, pulling them on before heading down the hall, following the sound of voices.
Abi, Dallas and Katie meet me in the middle of the hall, on their way to Abi’s room.
“Hey,” I say, acknowledging Dallas and Katie. “How’s Sadie?” I ask Abi.
“She’s good,” she answers. “A bit tired, but feeling heaps better. Come see for yourself.” She gives me a soft, grateful smile that’s lined with a touch of anxiety as I turn and lead them into Abi’s room.
Sadie’s curled on her side on the bed, her eyes fluttering open as we walk into the room. I lean against the wall, posture relaxed, which is a far cry from Abi’s as she stands beside me. Ittakes every tiny piece of self-control I have not to reach out for her, to soothe her stress with my hands.
“Daddy,” Sadie whispers.
“Hey, Sadie girl,” Dallas says, perching on the edge of the bed. “How are you doing? Your mum said you weren’t feeling well.”
Sadie curls into his side, shaking her head. “I wasn’t. Such a sore tummy. I had to go see the doctor.”
“Are you feeling better now?” he asks and Sadie nods.
“Little bit,” she whispers before snuggling into him more.
Katie sits on the bed on the other side of Sadie and murmurs soft words to the little girl, trailing her fingers through her hair.
I watch the three of them, feeling a little bit like a creeper, and insanely jealous. That’s what I want. Somehow. A family of my own. The Austin’s are incredible and somewhere deep down I know my brother loves me. I know I have a family, but it’s not that same as having your person.
I just had to go find, then fall in love with, a person who’s unavailable for more than anything casual. I know I could have handled the whole situation better. I know I shut her out as soon as the realisation I’m in love with her sunk in. Maybe I should have talked to her about it, like she was so adamant we needed to do.
But the fear of her saying she doesn’t want me … it’s easier to just end it. Then I can still pretend she at least likes me as a friend.
I’ve always been a dramatic motherfucker.
Dallas glances up, mouth open ready to speak, then his expression shifts, confusion crossing his face. “Where’d Abi go?”
