“Yeah, well, he laid everything out to me and made me fill out this lengthy questionnaire.” Janie shifted. “Oh, and I forgot to tell you, he freaked out when he saw BOB.”
Alicia squealed, and Janie pulled the phone away from her ear. “He didn’t walk in on you using it, did he?”
“No. Cole would never just walk into my room.” But that wasn’t exactly true. He’d stood in the doorway, but then her door was open. “I’d left BOB on the nightstand. But Cole was not happy I was using one.”
“Men and their double standards.”
“I think it was more Cole starting to realize I was grown up.”
“So tell me more about him taking you on as a submissive.”
“Not much to tell. I filled out the questionnaire, we went over it, he laid out the terms of our arrangement. I have to journal at least one page every night for him to read the next day, and his emotions will not be involved.”
“You love to journal ... wait, did you say he said no emotions?”
“Yep.” Janie sighed. “And Cole doesn’t know I journal all the time.” Janie closed her eyes. There were a lot of things she hadn’t shared with Cole. Journaling, getting her degree in sexual health. Cole assumed she’d gotten her business degree; well, she’d done that too.
“Janie, are you sure this is what you want?”
Janie took a breath. “Yes. If anyone can show me how D/s works, it’s Cole.”
“I know you. It will be impossible for you not to involve your emotions.”
“That may be, but Cole isn’t willing, for whatever reason, to even entertain emotions between us. So I’ll cope.”
“I hope so. I’m afraid you’re going to get your heart broken,” Alicia said.
Me too. But Janie kept that to herself. “I’ll survive if it happens.”
“So, what have you been writing in your journal for him?”
“Mainly my frustration at how darn slow the man is going.”
“Oh, I bet he loves that.”
“Right.” Just this morning, he’d read her page and then stared at her for a good five minutes. But she wasn’t going to explain her words. Journaling was personal for her, and she wasn’t going to over-share with him. She’d written enough so he’d get the point.
“Tell me about your week with him.”
Janie settled against the pillows and told Alicia exactly how the week had progressed, about her frustrations and her fantasies. They were best friends, so she didn’t hold anything back.
“How many sets of batteries have you gone through?” Alicia asked with a laugh after Janie finished talking.
“Three and number four is about to happen. I’m thinking of ordering one of those wand things; at least I can plug it into the wall.”
“That is an advantage.” Laughter filled Alicia’s voice. “Why don’t you write in the journal about how you really feel?”
“I can’t.” Janie’s fingers tightened around her cell phone. She’d spent so many years hiding her hurt, her anger, and her fears. How could she share them with Cole now?
“Maybe Cole is taking his cues from you and what you’re writing.”
“Yeah, right.”
“Seriously. What if you wrote in your journal beyond your frustration? Tell him you want to move forward, to explore. Tell him all the naughty things you want him to do to you. He might take the hint.”
Janie closed her eyes and sighed. Damn it. “You’re right. When did you become so smart?”
“Remember all those psychology classes?”
