Page 7 of SEAL's Doorstep Baby
“No. It really isn’t.” A quick glance tells me that his attention is focused back on Maddie, and he is bouncing her in his arms gently. Her eyes are hooded as she looks up at him, her mouth open. She’s clearly falling asleep in his arms.He could be her dad.
Although their eyes are different—his a light sky blue and hers hazel—they both share the same shuck of midnight black hair, and there is enough of Emily in both of them to suggest that they could be father and daughter.
I wonder if that will make things easier or harder for Maddie as she grows up.
I hope he lets me stay in her life enough to know one way or the other.
“I mean it, Jacob.” I have his attention now, and his gaze focuses on me. It’s almost startling. For the first time since I showed up, he’s actually looking at me, not just through me. My mouth dries, but I power forward. “I was… being selfish. In my own grief. My anger. But this is… this is Emily.”
Jacob looks away. It’s slight, but I see the small nod he gives me—acknowledgement, if nothing else.
The buzzing of Jacob’s phone on silent interrupts the moment. Maddie startles, but doesn’t wake. I see Jacob’s phone on the table beside me, and I grab it, handing it over. I gesture to take Maddie, but he shakes his head. I try to hide my annoyance at him denying me her.
Cradling a now slumbering Maddie to his chest with his left arm, he picks up the call and traps the phone between his shoulder and ear to free his right hand.
“Hello. This is Jacob Fischer. How can I help you?” He is focused on the call, and I take the time to look at him properly.
For the first time since I stepped into this house, I am noticing how he looks.
He has no shoes on; his bare feet are pressed to the floor. It seems unlike him—unlike the SEAL I imagine, who wakes up, gets dressed, but has a phone call interrupt him before he finishes putting on his socks.
I look away from his feet, trying to calm myself down.
Jacob’s shirt is stretched tightly across his broad chest, and I can spot a light scattering of dark hair on his chest from his neckline; the first two buttons undone. His biceps complement the set of pecs under the sparse hair, pushing his shirt sleeves to wrap snugly around them.
I haven’t seen him in a long time. Pictures, here and there, sure, but the last time we were actually in person together had to have been… What? Five years ago? Six? We’d been around each other more than either of us would have liked because of Emily, but I’d always avoided him the best I could. I’d always been too afraid to see him after we’d been intimate all those years ago. I knew he didn’t want to see me either. It still happened from time to time, but it was never pleasant.
I’m not afraid anymore. But I wouldn’t say it’s any nicer to see him than I’d feared.
“Yes, I understand.” Jacob keeps up his conversation on the phone, managing to keep moving while carrying Maddie like a bag of chips. I know exactly how heavy that girl is when she sleeps, so the fact that he’s just holding her like she’s nothing is impressive.
As handsome as he is, and as strong as he clearly is, there’s no attraction for me. Not right now. It’s all… intellectual. I can see how handsome he is, but I don’t feel anything about that.
I look at Maddie, at how sweet she looks sleeping like an angel. I can’t really feel that, either.
I realize, probably belatedly, that I am numb.
“I’ll be there.” Jacob comes to a stop and ends the call. “I need to handle a few things at the hospital. Can you hold onto Maddie for me? For just a little longer, please?”
I stand quickly, taking Maddie into my arms. As soon as I’m holding her, I feel better. Stronger. More real.
“Of course,” I murmur, pressing a kiss to her forehead. Jacob has already walked off. “For as long as I can.”
Chapter three
JACOB
On my way to the hospital, I crank the volume up on the radio so I don’t have to listen to the thoughts in my head. Most of my mind is a haze, but I have to keep what parts of it I can, clear and focused on what’s important, long enough to do what needs to be done.
Tapping my fingers against the steering wheel, my mind muses over the day.There’s no help for it, really. What’s done is done.
It sounds cold, even callous. But it’s the truth. Maybe it’s my training. Maybe it’s losing my parents so young. But Emily is gone. And that hurts—it’ll hurt forever.
But there’s no point in pretending it hasn’t happened.
Emily is gone, but not all of her is beyond reach. There’s still Maddie. A wonderful part of Emily that I still have in my life, at least in some way. I still have family, and that’s something to be grateful for.
I guess I also have Allison in a way.
