Page 61 of SEAL's Doorstep Baby
“I’m here because I can’t let you leave, Allison, not without you hearing everything I have to say.” He sounds desperate, butdespite how sweet his gesture of getting a bouquet of flowers that hold such meaning for me, I can’t get rid of the resentment I feel towards him.
I didn’t know it before this very moment, but now that he is here, it is clear that I am not the least bit over how sour our last moments together turned.
Half of me is hoping that this is going to be a declaration of some sort, but the other half reminds me of everything that has already happened, and that I am supposed to be doing my best to avoid getting hurt this way again. I can deal with being rejected, but I won’t let my common sense be eroded by futile hope. I’m not going to be persuaded easily, no matter how much I love him.
“I really don’t see how my leaving is any of your business.”
“It is my business because I was the one who pushed you to make that decision.”
I am not interested in listening to him if his reason for me not leaving is just because he feels guilty.
The flowers are just that, flowers. Everyone gets them for people they know, there’s nothing special about it.
“That doesn’t really mean anything, Jacob. I could have very well made that decision on my own. I applied for the job all by myself, didn’t I?” Never mind that it happened well before Jacob came back into my life.
Jacob takes a deep breath, and I find myself taking one with him as he builds up to tell me something that seems to be a difficult one to get out. “Yes, you applied for the job all by yourself, but you weren’t going to take it, were you? I’m guessing not, and I’m also guessing it’s because you were happy with me. With us.”
I don’t give him a reply because I don’t know how to answer that question without breaking down in tears. There is nothingI miss more than those moments we shared as a family. A real one.
Jacob takes my silence as proof that I am listening, and he continues speaking. “It is my business that you are leaving because you need to know how I really feel. You need to know why I would say all those things I said, and how stupid the decision was to hide what I really feel.”
My heart is almost pounding right out of my chest as I listen to him. The fact that Jacob is right here on my doorstep offering me everything I have secretly fantasized about for the last couple of months is confusing. It leaves me dumbstruck because I had almost given up, ready to accept whatever would happen, and focus on being the best godmother I could be to Maddie—even if that meant not raising her as my own or having her dad’s commitment.
I don’t know what to say, so I err on the side of caution and say nothing. Jacob keeps on talking while I stand there in complete stupefaction, giving answers to questions I had only wondered about.
“I was scared and because of that I hid everything I felt about you. I didn’t want to scare you off with my demons and how much of a grip they have on my soul. Some nights, I wake up in the grip of nightmares, and I have been scared to death that I might hurt you if that happened when you were lying next to me.” He frustratedly runs a hand through his hair as he lets himself be completely vulnerable. “I couldn’t risk hurting you even by mistake and that led to everything I did to slow down the dynamics of our relationship.”
I clamp my teeth together, my heart hammering.
Jacob steps closer still. His hand reaches up, cupping my cheek. “I’m an idiot,” he whispers.
I let out a wet laugh. “We can agree on that.”
It’s the first thing I’ve said that makes hope flare in Jacob’s eyes. “The truth is, I love you, Allison, and there’s nothing that can change that. I’m here to find out if you feel the same way. If you don’t, I’ll…”
I cut off the rest of his words by claiming his lips. I seal mine against his like it is the last thing I will ever do, and I can’t help but let out a moan at the familiar taste of him.
I slowly pull away from him, drawn by the intensity of his gaze, my eyes locking with his, unable to look away from the storm of emotions swirling in them. “I feel the same way, Jake. I have felt that way for so long, but I thought you didn’t feel the same way for me.”
Jacob answers me by covering my lips with his in another kiss. His kiss steals my breath right out of my lungs and he doesn’t let me go until we both need to come up for air.
“I tried to leave you alone and let you live your life without all the stress and pain that would come with being involved with me, but it didn’t work. So I am here now, ready to have you see every inch of me, the good and the bad. I want you to see it all and make your decision by yourself. I want you, Allison, and I’m willing to do anything to be with you.”
Our eyes meet once more, and a deep understanding passes between the both of us.
I want to taste every inch of you, his eyes tell me, and I’m sure my gaze conveys just how much I am in agreement with that.
“I would like to be with you, Jacob. And thank you for the flowers.” I tell him, peering up at him from the fringe of my lashes.
“Do you want to come inside? We can talk more if you’d like that?”
His answer is a nod, and he lets out an audible sigh, like a great weight has been lifted off his shoulders and he can finally relax. Jacob walks right beside me with his arm wrapped aroundmy waist as we make our way into my apartment. I try to keep my gaze straight in front of me but it’s impossible to do that when Jacob’s fingers run around and up my sides, teasing me relentlessly with those light touches.
When we are in the empty stairwell he kisses me again, running his fingers over every inch of my body and digging his hands into my hips when he ventures there. The feel of his strong hands and his musk encompass me, driving me mad with need.
I don’t know how we manage to keep our hands to ourselves long enough to make it all the way into my apartment without tearing each other’s clothes off, but we manage to do it.
When we are inside, I make myself comfortable on the couch, motioning for him to do the same, and I wait patiently for him to claim my lips again. All Jacob does is stare at me with that exact look as before in his eyes, and just like before it is enough to drive me into a frenzy of need.
