Page 56 of SEAL's Doorstep Baby
“Baby, there’s a difference between following your heart and doing stuff because you want to. There are so many things that come from following your heart, and before something goes wrong. I bet that in that moment, there were a lot of selfish or downright stupid decisions. But what the heart truly wants is selfless and kind, and it can never lead to anything wrong.”
I think about it seriously. I know what my imagination conjures often, and I know how my heart races with excitement every time I imagine it. I know all of this, and I also know that there are a million and one things I don’t know, and most of that is the future. I may find happiness and a new family there.
I have to think, and I have to make a decision for myself, and not anybody else this time. But first…
“Mama?”
“Yes sweetheart.”
“Who was the wise woman, the one who asked you the question? Was it granny?”
“Oh that, the wise woman was me.” She chuckles, and I join her when she bursts into belly-aching laughter.
There is a decision to make, and there will be time to make it, but right now I’ll laugh and live, and when it is time to decide, I will follow my heart.
* * *
Instead of sending a positive response to the email containing the job offer, I scroll on my phone until I find the right email andwhen I have it, I look through the email until I find the number I want and I dial it; calling up the contact provided.
It doesn’t ring more than a few times before the call is picked up.
“Hello. This is Allison. Allison Smith.”
“Nice to hear from you ma’am. My name is Colleen, and I’m your recruitment officer. I hope you’re doing okay.” The voice on the other side of the phone is warm and friendly, so even though I haven’t known Colleen for more than a couple of seconds, I feel like I have a friend already.
“I’m doing great, Colleen. How’s your day?”
“I’m doing good as well. Thank you. I’d like to help however I can while you’re sorting everything out for a smooth transition.”
“That’s great. I am looking forward to being a part of your institution. I’d like to know more about the offer and what comes with it, if it’s not a bother, of course.”
“Oh sure. So this is a basic contract, and there are two main parts to it. The first part is a two-month long tour, and it involves a planned inspection of our botanical gardens and laboratories, where you will be consulted specifically on pluripotency and regeneration in plants.”
“I’m listening. To be honest that sounds really good. What about the second?”
“The second part involves an employment contract which is to be for a total of three years with an incremental salary on a per annum basis. There are also accruing benefits attached to the basic salary. Our first concern is to get you here for the tour, and then hopefully you decide to stay with us long term. So… what do you want to do, Allison?”
I think about what it would mean if I took the three year contract right now.
It would be wonderful. A fresh start and an opportunity to find everything I’m missing right now. I think, weighing the options and decisions I have to make.
I imagine telling Emily. The joy she’d feel—the way she’d have bounced up and down, screaming.
I imagine telling her it would mean leaving Maddie.
I have no idea what she’d say. I miss her right now more than ever.
“What do you think or fantasize about that makes you smile just from imagining it?” My mother had asked me, and I had seen a vision, one I was used to because it was something I thought about often.
Watching Maddie growing up and doing so with Jacob’s arms around me had been what I had imagined.
I can’t leave. I can’t leave Maddie, and if I’m being completely honest, I can’t silence my heart, no matter how loud my mind tells me it doesn’t make sense. I can’t leave you either Jacob, no matter how much of a douche you can be.
There’s no longer a need to think more about it because, in this instant, I have seen the vision in my mind, and I have made my decision. I will go on the two-month tour and I won’t be changing it for any reason.
“Frankly this all sounds amazing, and the fact that I can’t sign the full contract is killing me right now, but I can’t change that. I’m sorry.”
“That’s okay. I’ll forward you the documents so you can get them signed. And Allison…”
