Page 41 of SEAL's Doorstep Baby
I could scare her off if she actually got the chance to see all of me; the light and the shade.
Sleeping in the same bed only a couple of times had helped me because, on those few nights, I had somehow managed to keep the nightmares away. She hasn’t really seen the real me yet because she hasn’t seen the times I wake up in the middle of the night, reaching for my weapon beside me, and struggling for a few haunting seconds before I realize none of it is real. I’m not lying awake, staring at the ceiling, trapped in the stressful memories of my past. Or at least, I keep telling myself I’m not.
Stressful? That’s a word for it, I guess.
These memories are a never-ending loop of both the worst parts of the botched mission, and imagined nightmares featuring images of Emily. Luckily, they have never ruined my sleep on the nights Allie has slept next to me, but it is only a matter of time before my luck runs out and she has to see it.
I have to eventually tell her, if we are going to be together, and how I’m going to do all of that is not a pleasant line of thought. I would rather think of more enjoyable things.
I have restrained myself to just a couple of touches and glances so far, and I pressed an innocent kiss to her head every so often as I contemplated how best to navigate this position I have found myself in, and the role that comes with it.
My best bet is to slow it down, so I told Allie more about Micky and Pete, describing them as best as I could. “They are myfriends, and my brothers at the same time—in all ways but one.” I told her while reminiscing on one of our more pleasant times together as a crew.
“And they might be a handful, but I'd like to have them over for Thanksgiving. And maybe this can be a family tradition Maddie will grow up with.”
My intentions had been to have them meet her in as informal a setting as possible, but instead of making her more relaxed, it has lit a fire under her and now she is planning to make it the best one in recent history. Sherry has declined our invitation in favor of spending it in her home with friends and family, so it is just the two of us setting it up.
Preparing for any of the holidays is always demanding and this is not any different. I can feel the strain as well as the expectations coming with it, but I decide not to put much thought into it—or at least I planned not to, but that has gotten taken out of my hands.
Fat chance of that at this point; this has taken so long. Jesus bleeding Christ!
A minute-long rundown over the list and alterations to be made in the event of some of the stuff being sold out, had somehow transformed into what was close to an hour-long breakdown on what to get and how to get it. Despite that, Allie looks and sounds too angelic for me to lose my patience.
Finally!I have an internal sigh of relief when she finally puts down the list, her review concluded.
“So that’s it. I’m sure that’s everything this time.” Her demeanor turns apologetic. “I would prefer you getting this tomorrow instead, but we need the turkey to defrost overnight before we can get anything done, and the best way to avoid the holiday rush and any other complications is to get it now.”
“Got it; that was the very first thing you put on the list. Is there anything else you want that isn’t already on the list?”
Like she has done a dozen times before, Allison snatches the list out of my hand to take another look at it. “No, no… I think that’s it.”
“Are you sure?” I ask her again just to be sure, going over this list another three times was not in my plans for the day.
“Yes.”
“Should I get anything for Maddie that isn’t already here?”
“No, I handled that the last time.”
Finally!
I don’t let any of my relief show because it might give her the idea that I’m happy with the list, and according to her thought process, if I’m happy with the list, then it means I understand it, and if I understand it, then something is obviously wrong with it.
“Okay. Now relax and let me handle this part.” I cut her off before she can go on another anxious bout of list checking. “It’s just Thanksgiving dinner, and they are just my friends, so this is just a family dinner. Okay?”
My words are getting the trick done, and she is much calmer after my reassurances.
“Okay. Family dinner. Got it.” She nods seriously, but the quick twist of her lips amuses me as I watch her visibly rein in her anxiety.
“Alright, baby.” I reach out to take a hold of her wrists. I use my grip to pull her close so I can drop a kiss on her lips and then another on her head, which has become our custom.
“Take care of Maddie while I’m gone, and if, for any reason, she’s too out of control for you to do that, then just use a tranquilizer.” I joke, certain it will draw a laugh out of her, and like most times she rewards me with a beautiful peal of laughter.
“Like that would even be enough,” she retorts in between giggles.
“I like seeing you with this smile.” I confess.
Ranking the list of things that would enamor me to a woman would have had far more materialistic things at the top of it a year ago, but now it is topped by genuine laughter. It is impossible for me to imagine a future with anyone if I didn't love to watch them laugh.
