Page 21 of SEAL's Doorstep Baby
“You don’t. Not yet. Not really, but you will.”
She manages to get Maddie’s grip off her hair, placing her firmly on her lap this time. “Now I know you’re here for this one, and you can have her. Get her off me before she plucks all the hair off my head.” Sherry laughs now, and somehow I end up joining her. Maddie doesn’t have the slightest clue why we are laughing but she joins in, making us quite the picture.
It is almost poetic. Old woman, woman, and a baby girl, all joined together by a thread of laughter. It is almost reminiscent of the three fates.
This image remains in my head as I make my way back to Jacob with Maddie in my arms.
The apartment is empty when I return, and I see him waving off the last of the guests as they drive away. I watch him from a distance, and the look on his face lets me know of the struggles he still hasn’t shared with me.
Jacob is out of his depth, and he doesn’t even know it. I can’t let him do this alone.
“How are you hanging in there, Jake?” I ask him, because it is evident that he is struggling to manage all this by himself.
“I’m okay. Just need to recharge a bit, and I’ll be good.”
He is lying. I know it, and he knows that I know, too. “When was the last time you got to sleep at night? Or for eight hours at a stretch? The truth, please.”
It takes him more than a few seconds before he finally answers.
“Since I’ve been back, I don't think I have gotten up to eight hours. And before that, I can’t even remember.”
I realize that he isn’t trying to delay or deflect when he doesn’t answer my question for a while. He honestly doesn’t know the last time he had eight hours of sleep, and he is trying to find one day in recent memory.
God! How is he still standing?
“How are you still on your feet right now?”
He doesn’t give me an answer, but I understand what Sherry meant by him needing my help.He is hurting. That is his dark… right now.
I am not sure if I’m remembering it correctly, but I now know what she meant. I make the decision before I can think about it, and once I say it, I know that I won’t be changing my mind for any reason.
“I want to move in with you.”
I see his eyes widen for a second and I can almost guess what he is thinking. I think about it for just a second, and I know I wouldn’t mind what it would mean for us to live together. But that’s not the reason I am offering to move in.
“To help with Maddie and all that stuff.” I clarify.
To his credit, Jacob doesn’t dismiss it out of hand, and instead, he thinks about it for a long time.
“I can’t let you do that.”
I open my mouth to protest, but he cuts me off before I can get a word in edgewise.
“Not because I don’t want your company. I do appreciate your help with Maddie, but I can’t have you giving up even more time than you have already.”
I have already made up my mind, and not even wild horses could keep me away.
“Come on, Jacob. Please let me do this. I’ll keep my apartment, I’ve paid the rent up till the end of the year anyway, so I can getout of your hair if you need a break, and it can be temporary, but I need to do this.”
“Allie, trust me, I appreciate it but I don’t want you to go so much out of your way just to help me. I can manage. Trust me.”
His refusal just makes me all the more determined to do this.
“This isn’t about you,” I snap. His eyes widen, and I feel bad. “I mean, it’s not about me, either. It’s about Maddie. And… two heads are better than one.”
“Allison…”
“Please let me do this. For Emily, and Maddie. You can’t deny me this, Jacob.”
