Page 12 of SEAL's Doorstep Baby
“Sure thing.”
“Thank you.” I am an efficient dresser, and my shirt is already off before I make my way out of the room. “This will only take a few minutes.”
“I can see that alright.” Allison’s dry humor has a chuckle rising out of me as I finally get out of earshot.
Taking a quick shower is more than I planned to do, but in for a penny in for a pound, I guess. I scrub hard at my hair and skin. I feel better when I step out, steam fogging up the bathroom. I am fully dressed in as little time as possible, opting out of applying any cologne or aftershave so there’s no possibility of irritation for Maddie. I am back in the living room before my shirt is even buttoned. Allison is trying to coax Maddie into taking the bottle, but the little lady is not interested. She manages to dodge all attempts by Allie to place the nub in her mouth, preferring to let out wails in place of eating.
I can see the frazzled irritation on Allison’s face. I have a surge of sympathy for the amount of time she’s spent babysitting. I know that this wasn’t what she’d expected her life to look like.
And it won’t, not forever. I just need a little help to get things ready…
But right now, it seems like Allie is the one who needs help.
“Can I try?”
She gives me a once over, eyes lingering on my stomach—before traveling back up to my face. I button my shirt.
“Sure. I have a feeling she’ll let you feed her easily. She likes you.” Allison grumbles.
I can’t help teasing her a little bit. “All babies love me.” She rolls her eyes in obvious exasperation, but with humor. Allie obliges me, and Maddie is in my arms immediately. She is glad to be there—raising her arms in a demand to be closer to me. I hold her closer to me, shutting my eyes briefly as I kiss her forehead. It’s only been a short while, but she’s a comfort to me. I might not be great at taking care of her yet, but I do love her.
“She’s just got bad taste, that’s all,” Allison grumbles. I glance at her, and she ticks her lips up a bit to offer a lopsided smile so I know she’s just teasing.
“What do you want, baby? You want to eat?” Picking up the bottle from the table where Allison has dropped it, I move it slowly towards Maddie. “What’s this Maddie? Is it a plane?”
I ask her silly questions as I bring it closer by an inch each time she looks at it. Once her attention is fully on the bottle, I move it closer to her mouth until she takes the hint, opening her mouth so she can drink the milk.
“Thank goodness. How did you manage that?”
“When we were kids, Emily would have problems eating sometimes. Using a spoon as a plane was the only way our mom could get her interested in her food. I hoped that she’d done something similar with Maddie when she was having difficulty with eating.”
The memory pulls at my heart. Emily and I grew up close—thick as thieves, Mom used to say.
Now, I’m the last one standing.
Well, Maddie and me.
“I wouldn’t have thought you’d be good at this.” Allison has a mild look on her face, and the expression makes me slightly uncomfortable for reasons I don’t know so I shrug the compliment away.
“It is just a little bit of silly play. Nothing much, really.” I gently rub Maddie’s head as she keeps up her sucking. She is voracious.
Allison thinks the same thing. “If you were so hungry, then why did you reject your food for so long, Maddie?” Maddie does not deign to give her a reply or any reaction, so she turns her attention back to me. “Kids,” she says, shaking her head from side to side disapprovingly.
Once Maddie is fed and is back to sitting comfortably in my lap, I turn to Allison. It is time to ask her some questions.
As if she can tell, she straightens up. Her brows pull together.
“There are a couple things I still don’t understand. Things I obviously didn’t know about before, and I hoped that you would be able to help me. Can you do that for me, Allie?”
I focus on her for what feels like the thousandth time today, and even though I know it is uncomfortable for her—her fidgeting giving it away—it is necessary. I have a goal, and to make an appropriate plan for it, I need access to more information. Right now, Allison is the person with all the knowledge I need.
I apply most of my interrogation skills here. Resting my free hand on my lap so I can seem as non-confrontational as possible, I lean back on my sofa so it is clear I am relaxed. I’m not trying to manipulate her—just using the tools at my disposal to make this horrible conversation less horrible.
Having Maddie on my lap wasn’t part of the plan, but it helps because her movements and tugs on my shirt have the effect of relaxing me further.
Allison’s eyes flicker across my face. I try not to squirm or flinch.
For a moment, I just look at her, this woman I haven’t reallylookedat in years. My eyes always grazed right past her when Emily pushed us together, due to a lack of interest and a fear that Emily would read too much into us. Then after… well, I’ve been too preoccupied to let my gaze linger.
