“Or a whole bottle.” He left my mouth and trailed kisses down to my beach ball before putting his ear against my stomach, his hands on either side of my bump.
If we were really having this baby together, it would be cute, adorable even. There were a few moments where his excitement for the baby was almost contagious. Almost. But this baby wasn’t mine. It was his.
“I think it’s a girl.” He glanced up. “My money is on a girl.”
“Nope. It’s a boy. Has to be.”
“Why do you always say it has to be?” Tyler laughed and came back to lie beside me.
“Because it’s my body, and I’m telling that thing in there to grow a penis already. It’s not a place for girls to grow.”
He tried to catch my gaze, but I pretended to examine my nails. Since I’d arrived in Little Falls, I wasn’t as tempted to bite them. Actually, since I turned up at Tyler’s shop, I hadn’t felt the same desperate need to devour them.Strange.
“Is this because of everything that’s happened to you?” His voice was quiet, and he picked at the blanket between us.
“I don’t want a girl for a lot of reasons. Stuff you know nothing about.” I hadn’t thrown up walls between us in a long time. He got the most authentic version of me. Some topics were off-limits, and I liked that he didn’t pry. I’d never had to tell him to leave a subject alone.
“Will you tell me?”
“You want me to relive my traumas with you? No, thanks. I think I’d rather slit my wrists.”
“Mia—”
“I should go get some writing done.” I threw back the covers from my legs and struggled to get up. More tears formed a stream down my cheeks when I realized I couldn’t get up. He put a gentle hand on my arm and helped me sit up. “I can’t even storm out of here.”
“Do you want me to help you slam the door?” A touch of amusement lit his face.
“That’s not funny. You’re not funny.” With my fist, I punched his arm lightly.
“Come on,” he said. “It was a little bit funny.”
Maybe it was, but I was rattled about my reaction to him asking for this piece of my past. Every time I asked him to do something for me, he did it.
Don’t talk to Katie. Done. Don’t look at the baby’s sex even though you really want to know. Done. Make me a dress and attend this really fancy party. Done. Move all your shit to the train station to shack up with me. Done.
When I thought about his sacrifices, I knew I was really fucking selfish. Yet another reason why I’d be a terrible parent.
With a headshake, I pushed myself off the bed and grabbed a robe from the walk-in closet. “Someday, I’ll tell you, okay? Not today. But I promise I’ll tell you someday.” If I gave birth to a girl, I’d tell him everything, every terrible detail so he’d know how bad the world could be, how dangerous it was to be a woman. There was no doubt in my mind he’d protect the baby; he’d already done everything to keep me safe.
But the baby was a boy. It had to be.
“I didn’t mean to push, Mia.”
“Yeah, you did. But I didn’t need to be a bitch about it. It’s fine.” I opened the door to our master suite, which led to the kitchen. Pasha was already sitting at the island, drinking his coffee, eating his breakfast, and reading the weekend paper.
It was almost July. The countdown was on. From now until the baby was born, I’d be seeing Dr. David and possibly Katie every week. There was still tension between Tyler and Katie, but all of it flowed out of Katie now, as though Tyler had somehow made peace with whatever was or wasn’t between them. A few times, I considered requesting a different nurse. But more people meant more risk, and Katie was competent. Ijust hated their complicated history and unfinished business, at least whatever that was in Katie’s mind.
Often, I worried Tyler and Katie would reconnect when I left. The thought whirled around whenever I let it in. The idea made my stomach drop out, as though I was free-falling out of a plane. The idea I’d be so easy for Tyler to replace was deeply depressing.
From the bedroom, Tyler appeared fully dressed as I spooned some granola and yogurt into a bowl and added fresh berries.
“Em just texted and asked me to pick up Amir from a friend’s place.”
“Oh, yeah?” I slid the yogurt tub back into the fridge. “Are you bringing him here?”
“Just for the morning. She’s got stuff going on.”
Around my spoon, I smiled. He was always doing stuff for his family—taking a meeting for Maggie, walking Grady’s dogs, picking up Amir from one thing or another, getting quotes to fix his mom’s driveway. His commitment to all the important people in his life was unwavering. Katie had been an idiot to leave him.
