“All broody and introspective. You’re so much more fun when you’re being a communicator.”
“That’s because you like gossip.”
“That’s true!” My mother chimed in. “I do, too. So, tell us what you’re mulling over.”
“I saw Katie at the café when I was getting the iced tea.” I pressed my fingers into the smooth surface of the island.
“She’s basically your personal nurse for the baby, right? You’ve seen her a few times. Why would seeing her at the café make you introspective?”
“She wants to have coffee. It’s not the first time she mentioned meeting, but I didn’t outright turn her down this time.”
“That ship sailed, Tyler.” My mothertskedand tied another balloon.
“Yes, Mother. I’m aware the ship sailed across the country eight years ago. I just can’t figure out why she’s back and why she’s so keen to reconnect.”
“Regret,” Emily said in a sing-song voice. “Romantic regret is the worst. It feels like you’ve totally screwed up your life.”
“How would you know that?” I raised my eyebrows.
“Don’t you remember how crazy she was about Terrence?” Mom tipped her head in Emily’s direction.
“High school Terrence?”
“First love, worst love.” Emily shrugged. “Until I met Omar and fell in love with him, I thought breaking up with Terrence might have been the dumbest thing I’d ever done. I broke up with him because I didn’t want to do long distance. Looking back, though, our breakup was probably because I didn’t love him enough. I don’t know. Feelings are complicated.” She passed our mother another balloon. “But that ache for him lasted until I met Omar. If Katie’s had that ache for that long, I get why she’d want to talk to you.”
“We can’t go back.” I glanced at the clock. I needed to be home in half an hour or Mia would realize something was up.
“What about going forward? Would you be willing to give Katie another shot?” Emily turned off the helium machine and surveyed our handiwork. All the balloons had the number twenty-one on them. “Twenty-one. God, she’s young.”
“Truth?” I rubbed my face with both hands.
“Uh, of course. I’m your sister. I’ll stand behind you even if you love one woman and you got another one pregnant…who we’re throwing a surprise party for tonight. That’s sweet, by the way. To do all this.”
“That’s not the problem. I don’t love Katie anymore. I’m sure of that. Seeing her today in the café without having to worry about concealing anything from Mia, I realized that Idon’tlove her anymore. I care about her. Could I love her again? I don’t know. I don’t know. Could I ever trust her?” I held up my hands in a helpless gesture.
“What about Mia?” Mom raised her eyebrows. “How do you feel about her?”
“If it’s possible, that’s even more complicated.” I sighed. “She’s so determined to get the hell out of here once the baby is born that I’m letting distance sit between us.”
“Letting distance sit between you?” Emily frowned. “What does that mean?”
I grabbed one of the presents sitting on the island. Even though I’d told them not to get Mia anything, they’d all bought small presents. With my fingers, I twirled the wrapped box while I tried to figure out how to phrase it, whether I even wanted to vocalize it.
“She’s asked about Katie a few times, and I’ve resisted giving her the story.”
“Why?” Emily’s frown deepened.
“Partly because I don’t talk about Katie with anyone, ever. What do I say about all that? It’s…I can’t imagine an explanation would make someone I’m with feel secure. But the other side of it,” I took a deep breath, “is that being honest with her, telling her, closes some distance between us.” I placed the box back in the pile. “And then what do I do when she leaves? ’Cause she’s not gonna stay. She’s made that very clear.”
“She might,” My mom said from across the room as she took the helium balloon from Amir. “Having a baby is a profound experience. Youcan’t understand those feelings until you’ve experienced them. Walking away might not be as easy as she thinks.”
“That’s true,” Emily said, love for her son pouring out of her as she gazed at him. “It’s a whole other level of love.” Amir ran across the large open living room to plow into his mother’s side, wrapping his arms around her and burying his face in her stomach. “I love you, kid.” She leaned down and kissed the side of his head.
“But I can’t count on that.” I pursed my lips, unsure of how to even explain all the complications I could see. “And even if I could, that just means she loves the baby, right?”
“Yeah, but how do you want to look back on this experience?” Emily hugged her son close to her side and seemed deep in thought.
“What do you mean?”
