Page 28 of Always Watching
It wasn’t thetalkmost kids got, but I’d appreciated it all the same.
“I…” I think again about opening up to him about the problem I have, about the swelling obsession in my chest that I’m pretty sure is turning into something else, even though I barely know Ranen. It doesn’t matter, though. I know the truth, and once I know something, there’s no changing it.
Ranen is mine.
“North?”
“Can I take a shower and borrow some clothes?” I glance behind me to the stairs and the box waiting down there. “I need to drop a package off at the incinerator and then head back h—” I cut myself off before I can say the word.
Home.
Not the apartment. Not my house.
I need to head back to Ranen.
Fuck, this is more complicated than I thought.
Home. When I think of him, I think of the wordhome.
And maybe Dad can see it cross my face because he doesn’t push…yet. He just nods toward the stairs. “You go get cleaned up. I’ll handle what’s downstairs.”
Usually he’d pry, and I wonder whether he didn’t because he knows I’m not ready to talk about it or because I’m not even sure what I’d say. I’m still sorting through these feelings myself as they come at me one after another. I just know that killing that asshole felt good. Killing always feels good, but it’s always been for myself.
Killing for Ranen?
It’s a high I’ve never touched, a sensation I’ve never experienced in my entire life.
I want more.
And I want…
Fuck, I wantRanen.
Chapter 11
Ranen
Isigh when Ollywraps me up in a hug. It’s nice to have a best friend like him. We met under unconventional circumstances, but our friendship is solid.
He ushers me to the couch, looking me over intently. “How are you feeling? You look miles better from the last time I saw you.”
I lower my head, bile rising in my throat as I think about my ordeal. I’ve been having nightmares of a masked man coming into my bedroom, hitting me over and over until I black out, then starting the cruel punishment again when I come to. I haven’t told North about them. I’m not sure what he could do even if he knew, and he’s already doing enough by protecting me from the man physically by being there. He can’t protect me from a dream.
“I’m better,” I say, giving him a wobbly smile. “But can we… not talk about it? It’s already bad enough that it happened in my camming room. I’d rather not talk about it when I’m away from home.”
Olly’s eyes soften. “Sure. But one question before I drop it.” I pull in a deep breath and blow it out slowly before I nod. “Areyou having trouble working? I saw your last show. Seemed like you weren’t into it.”
“I wasn’t. Not at first.” It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell him that North helped me in a major way, and I even feel my cheeks flame as I think about North stroking his thick, beautiful cock. Not even the dicks I’ve seen in porn looked as good, as tasty as North’s. I’ve never sucked a cock, but I’d lick him like a fucking lollipop if given half the chance.
“But…” Olly says, waving for me to continue.
I open my mouth to tell him about North, but something stops me. I want to keep what I did with North private—it was for us and only for us. He put on a personal show for me. Olly doesn’t need to know that. “But I thought about how I’d lost out on money two weeks in a row and got with the program,” I tell him with as much conviction as I can muster. “I have savings, but not enough that I can skip weeks of work.”
He nods in understanding. “If you want to move out of that place, you’re always welcome here. I have an extra room, you know.”
“I know. And thank you. But I’m good. North is making sure I’m taken care of.” My cheeks heat again and I try to tamp down the smile that’s stretching my face, but it’s no use. Hours later and my lips still tingle from his kiss, my skin still scorching from where he touched me. I couldn’t stop my reaction if I tried.
Olly catches it and raises an eyebrow. “Are you sure it’s safe to have some stranger in your house? You barely know him, Ranen. You just got attacked, for fuck’s sake. Maybe a random man in your home isn’t the best idea.”
