Page 16 of Always Watching
“In my apartment?”
A smile curves across my face when I answer this time. “Yes.”
“With me?”
“Unless there’s someone else here I don’t know about?”
There better not be, but…
“Why?” He asked me the same question last night, but he seems more aware this morning—more himself. Maybe it’s because he got to sleep in his own bed and really got to rest. Maybe he’s just feeling a little better.
I give him the most honest answer I can without completely showing my hand. “I guess it does something to a person when you find someone hurt…”
His eyes seem far away for a moment, as though he’s picturing what it must have looked like when I found him. “I’m sorry you—”
“Don’t apologize. Not for what that man did to you, and not for anything about yourself, Ranen. You never have to apologize to me.” It takes every bit of restraint I have not to step forward and wrap him up in my arms… but I’m trying to play pretend at being at leastsomewhatnormal, and that means I have to control myself. I need him to trust me first. “I’mgladI found you.” I lift my shoulder in a shrug. “I can’t help it if it makes me want to take care of you. I just want to keep you safe.”
And I wonder with him living here alone, with the fact that no family came to the hospital to see him when he was hurt… Has Ranen ever had anyone who really wanted to take care of him before? For a moment, my mind flicks to the man who came to the hospital… his friend… but no, if he’d really cared that much, he would have insisted Ranen stay with him, he would have fought me tooth and nail. He wouldn’t have left his friend alone with a stranger.
I don’t want him to think too hard about any of this, because there’s every chance he’ll realize a stranger in his house isn’t normal—a man he doesn’t know moving in without his permission is probably just as dangerous as someone breaking in. The difference is, I know I’m not going to hurt him, and I know I’ll kill anyone who tries.
“I… okay.” I watch the expression flood across his face—his own curiosity, his fear and apprehension, all collating to settle on acceptance. There’s an explanation for why he’s going along with this—trauma. Iknowit’s trauma. Bonding with the person who saved you, coping with something so horrific in an unhealthy way. I might be a bit of a monster for taking advantage of it, but I intend to prove I’m worth it in the end.
“Okay. How about this? Why don’t we order some groceries, and you can ask me whatever you want?” Maybe I won’t be completely truthful with my answers, but I’ll be as honest as I can. “That way, by the time we’re done you’ll know me better.”
Ranen looks at me then, really looks at me, but I don’t miss the soft curve of a smile that makes his pretty lips lift. “Somehow, I don’t know if I will.” Before I can try to lie my way out of his astute observation, he keeps talking. “But… I’ll bite. Let me get dressed and we can go grab breakfast.”
“Are you sure you’re up to that?”
He stops and crosses his arms, looking at me over his shoulder. “I think I can manage going to a drive-thru.”
I watch him walk away with something warm unfurling in my chest—possessiveness. It’s dangerous, but it’s sweeter than anything I’ve felt before. Proof that this is what I’ve been looking for in the ribs and guts of everyone I’ve killed lately. He’s so pretty, sweet and bold all at once.
I just want toknowhim. Beneath the bruises and battered layers, behind the mask of charming sexuality that he puts on for the camera, there’s something so much more… something so compelling that it made me pack my bags and move into his apartment without thinking twice.
It’s something I have to have.
Chapter 7
Ranen
It’s crazy. I knowit’s crazy not to ask more questions about exactly why North is in my apartment, but… I don’t know. It feels right. He saved me, after all. He could have finished the job when he found me. Hell, he had ample opportunity in the hospital and when he brought me home. I fell asleep while he was roaming around my place for fuck’s sake. But he didn’t harm me. I found him rummaging around my kitchen, reminding me I need to go on another small shopping trip. Other than coffee, I need a few more things I’ve run out of but haven’t had the time to grab.
I shut my bedroom door so I can get dressed, though North has seen most of my body already. He found me in my underwear, after all.
Shuffling over to my dresser, I pull out a long-sleeved shirt, even though it’s still warm outside. I told him I could manage a drive-thru, but I don’t want anyone to see me like this—the bruises, the busted nose, the split lip, the stitches on my forehead. I don’t want them to think it was North or that I’m in a dangerous relationship.
But I can’t be afraid. I can’t hole up in my apartment, scared of the world because someone creepy is stalking me.
First the bear, then the creepy album, then someone attacking me. I’m not sure who it is, but someone wants me to be afraid. But who? Why? Why are they tormenting me like this?
A frustrated breath escapes my throat as I pull my sleep shirt over my head. My ribs sting and I have to pause for a few seconds until the pain fades. I look at my body in the full-length mirror and hiss. I’m black and blue everywhere, and with my fair skin, the bruises show in sharp relief. I drag gentle fingers over the worst of the contusions. There’s no way I can go back on cam looking like this.
Do I want to? I’m sure whoever this person is found me because I’m a camboy.
I sit on the edge of my bed with my long-sleeved shirt in my hands, looking at nothing. I love my job. I love what I do. It might not be a job you tell Mom about, but it’s mine. Can I continue, though, knowing someone targeted me because of it?
I can’t answer that right now. It’s something I’ll have to think about. Even if I want to, I can’t let anyone see me like this. Maybe in a week, the worst of my bruises will be gone and I can start my twice-weekly videos again. I’ve already missed two weeks and I’ll be missing two more to heal. I might end up losing subs because I’ve become unreliable.
