Page 113 of I Saw Her First
“Good.”
My gaze flies to Jess, confused. “What?”
He lifts a shoulder, fiddling with his napkin. “I’m glad you two found each other,” he murmurs. “I mean, sure, I wish you hadn’t done it behind my back. And I wish I hadn’t found out the way I did. But…” He shakes his head, lifting his gaze to mine. “I’m glad you’re happy.”
I splutter. “You are?”
“Of course. I want you to be happy, Dad. I didn’t realize how much you needed that.”
Holy Christ. Who is this kid?
I must have a look of utter incredulity on my face because Jess gives a grim laugh.
“It’s taken a lot for me to get to this point, believe me. And”—he wrinkles his nose—“I’m still not entirely happy about you being with my ex. That’s going to take some getting used to.”
“But?” I ask hopefully.
“But…” He lets his breath out in a long stream. “But Simone has helped me to see— Well, Simone and…”
“A therapist?” I prompt gently.
Jess looks at me, surprised. “How did you know?”
“Rex mentioned something.”
“Oh, yeah. He said you’d spoken.” Jess sticks out his chin. “Well, yes. I’ve been seeing a therapist, and Simone says there’s no shame in it.”
“There isn’t,” I assure him. I move to reach for his hand, then think better of it. “I saw someone for the first two years after your mom died.”
Jesse’s jaw hardens for a split second, then softens. “It’s helped me deal with some stuff. I realized…” He sets the napkin back on the table and faces me squarely, his eyes swimming with remorse. “I’ve been a selfish asshole the past few years, and I’m sorry.”
“Oh, Jess.” This time I put my hand over his, and squeeze. “You haven’t. You’ve been dealing with the loss of your mom. I wish I’d been a better father, wish I’d been there for you more.”
“I’m the one who left,” Jess says, his voice cracking. “I shouldn’t—”
“Hey.” I push to my feet and tug my son into my arms. “You were dealing with it the only way you knew how. I wish I’d realized you were pushing me away to avoid your pain. Maybe I could have helped more. I was so lost in my own grief I didn’t see it.”
He shakes in my arms, crying softly into my sweater, and I hold him. He lets me hold him. He lets me soothe him, and it stitches every last piece of my heart back together.
“You’re here now, Jess. That’s what matters.”
When he finally draws away, he wipes his cheek and gives me a sad smile. “I’ve missed a lot and I don’t want to miss anymore. Mom wouldn’t want us to be apart.”
My eyes burn as I settle back into my seat. “No, she wouldn’t.”
“And she wouldn’t want me to stay mad at you.” Jess sniffs, and a watery smile comes onto his face as laughter drifts from the kitchen. “She would have loved Daisy,” he adds quietly, and my throat constricts with emotion.
“Yeah.” I can’t say anything more than that or I’ll break down. It’s too much.
“I’m still a little angry,” Jess admits, his eyes clearing as he looks back at me. “Mostly that you lied. But I understand why you chose Daisy. She wasn’t right for me, but I can see now she’s right for you. And it’s nice to see you happy again.”
“It’s nice to see you happy, Jess.” I nod my head toward Simone before turning back to him. “No more secrets between us, okay? No more running away. I want you in my life. I know I need to earn your trust again, but I’ll do that. I’ll do whatever it takes to have you back in my life.”
“I just…” Jesse’s voice catches and he shrugs, fiddling with the napkin again. “I just need you to be my dad.”
My chest floods with emotion, and it makes breathing difficult. I nod, focusing on my wineglass to give us both the space we need to compose ourselves. “That’s all I want. If you’ll let me.”
Jess nods too. “Yeah. I can do that.”
