Page 25 of Fractured Souls
"Well, we can't all be nerdy, perfect Grayson Tanner, can we?"
He laughs and gets up, putting a hand on my shoulder. "Seriously, though, thank you for being honest. I won't get mushy on you, but I am proud of you. You told me your thoughts, and that's all I asked for. I won't push for more now."
He turns around and walks out of the room, I stand there frozen, my heart beating faster and a small, real smile on my face. Fuck. How does he do that to me? I groan, then flop onto my bed. I fucking hate when I have a panic attack like that. It always puts me on edge. I know one thing for sure: I'm definitely sober now. I feel like I could drink again, though, which won't help, so instead I head down to the gym in the basement and start in on the punching bag as shitty memories surface.
When I was five, my mom got pregnant again. My dad said she cheated on him, but that wasn't true since he wouldn't let her leave the house. My dad worked under Rage’s dad, and I remember seeing Rage when I was younger. He was a newer member, but he was always nice to me and spent time with me. He was like a father/brother figure I never had but always wanted. When my mom found out that she was having a girl this time around, she was terrified to tell my dad.
When he finally found out, she was seven months pregnant. He beat her until she lost the baby and got away with it because back then, the club had dirty cops on their payroll and were able to make it go away.
After that, I tried standing up for my mom because she wouldn't do it for herself anymore. She slipped into a depression and never came out of it. When I tried to protect her, my father saw it as weak and turned his fire on me. He’d lie to me and keep things from me about my mom or my friends or anyone in my life.
I started having panic attacks when I was twelve. My father found out because I had no way to hide them and anyone in my life who I thought I could trust was lying to me and would report back to my dad.
Rage was going through his own things by then, so I never saw him. Noah and Cade had just had shit go down and had to deal with it, and Gray I only ever saw at school. So I was on my own. My dad saw me as weak and blamed my mother for it. So he came home one night, took me into their room, handed me a gun, and told me to shoot my mom because she made me weak and I needed to prove myself. I refused. I wouldn't do it. He said if I wouldn’t, then he would make her death even worse.
My mom told me it was okay and to just close my eyes and remember she loved me and didn't blame me. I couldn’t close my eyes as I watched him beat her, cut her, rape her, and completely destroy her body before very slowly cutting her throat open.
When he was done, he stood there with a beaming, sick smile on his face and said, “Boy, that's what happens when you are weak. Your no-good mother raised you to be a pussy, and we are going to have to change that now.”
Before he could get another word out, a red haze filled my vision; it was like something else entirely took over my body. I couldn't even think about what I was doing as I picked up the gun from where I had dropped it earlier and shot my father. It only hit his knee, but he dropped down cursing. When the knife fell from his hands, everything turned completely red.
I don't remember any of it, and that's the scariest part. I killed someone. No. I didn't just kill someone; I brutally murdered my father, and I don’t remember most of it.
Sometimes I'll have a dream with some small memory of that night. Stab here, stab there, blood flying, father yelling at me, father getting so weak he couldn't yell. But it's always in pieces and never fully comes together.
Rage has always told me it's my brain's way of protecting itself. But sometimes I still think it's just because I really am weak.
The club protected me after that. I was only twelve. They took care of the body, and Rage had been the president for one year when it happened. He helped and did everything he could for me. The club was still into some bad shit then, so it was easy to get covered up and written off.
Just after I thought it was all over, an aunt I didn't know existed came into the picture and took custody of me for two years since she was my legal guardian. I came back at fourteen and have been here since with Noah as my guardian.
I come out of my haze and realize my knuckles are bleeding from hitting the bag so hard with no protection on. I stop and clean them up, then head back upstairs to my room. After I shower, I land in bed, exhausted enough from the shitstorm today to just pass the fuck out.
ChapterEleven
Grayson
The next morning I'm up early waiting to hopefully get this meeting over with as soon as possible. After leaving Ryker's room last night, I headed outside to walk around the grounds of the clubhouse.
They own about twenty acres out here. We are slightly on the edge of town and there isn't much around. It's peaceful. I know Rage wants to build out here, but I have no idea what. Still, I like to walk whenever I need to clear my mind or just think.
Ryker is really falling for Harley. I'm not too sure how I feel about that. I really hope this girl doesn't break his heart. Don't get me wrong, I really like her too, and she's gorgeous, but I barely know her. I just want to help her out of whatever bad situation she's in. No kid deserves what we've all been dealt in this shitty life. I hate keeping what Rage and I talked about to myself, but I guess I get it. All I know is he has to spill today or I will. I never want to be in a position like this again. Especially when I don't know what I believe with everything I found.
When I came back to my room last night, Nerds was waiting outside of it with his laptop ready to show me a few things he found. Putting some things into perspective for me and making me regret my decisions from how I handled things with Rage the other night. He told me it was going to be okay, but I'm not sure I believe him. I slept like crap all night, which is why I am up so early now.
I head downstairs to get something to eat and see a very tired-looking Nerds at the counter, downing coffee. “Are you okay, Nerds? You should probably get some sleep instead of drinking more caffeine.”
He nods his head. “All good, brother. I was looking into some shit last night and had to monitor a run, but I gotta be up for this meeting. Rage wants me there. I'll just eat some nerds. They fuel me.”
I shake my head at him. That guy has a serious addiction to nerds candy. “You are an addict, you know that?”
“What? You think they call me Nerds for shits and giggles? Get a grip, brother. We know this already. Leave me and my nerds alone,” he grunts before draining his coffee and getting up to grab more.
Jeez, I forgot how sensitive the man could be over nerds candy.
I decided to make some breakfast for everyone since I don't think anyone should go into this meeting hungry on top of everything else going on. Plus, I enjoy cooking, so it might calm some of my nerves going into this.
The club has a surprisingly big kitchen. There are two entrances. One on the left that goes out to the hall where the stairs and main doors are, and one to the right, which goes straight out to the main room. When you come into the kitchen from the hall, there is a huge fridge, and on the other side of the fridge is a door to a walk-in pantry. The back wall holds counters that wrap around the room to the other entrance. There is a decent-sized island in the middle with a few bar stools that gives extra counter space.
