Page 26 of Pining for Pierce
Sure, I’ve had a bad boy reputation for years. But that’s more about the bike and the tattoos than the way I behave. She must know that, mustn’t she? After all, she knows me better than anyone, even if she doesn’t realize it.
Hell… I didn’t realize it myself until I got back to the store on Tuesday morning, Harley’s words still ringing in my ears.
We’ve shared so much over the years… and yet we haven’t. Because I’ve been the one sharing, telling her all about my dates, my dad, my painting, and she’s been the one keeping herself to herself. She might know everything about me, but I know precious little about her… except how beautiful she is, and how kind, and patient, and tolerant. She’s had to be tolerant to put up with me. I realize that.
As for the rest…
This is unfamiliar territory for me, wondering about her life, and what’s gone before.
Obviously, there must have been boyfriends. I imagine she’ll have been inundated with offers over the years, especially while she was away at college, and the selection was wider. God… what a thought.
It’s not a thought I’m very comfortable with, although I don’t have the right to judge, and I’m just relieved I didn’t know what she was doing, and didn’t have to see her with any of them… didn’t have to watch them kissing her, or pawing at her.
I hated seeing Kaiden touch her like he did, and other than going to work, I haven’t left my apartment since my conversation with Harley, hoping to avoid a repeat of that scene. Monday might have been their first date, but knowing Kaiden, he’ll have wanted more… and he won’t have been willing to wait.
I feel myself tense, and while my first instinct is to protect Harley, I know that’s not what she wants from me.
She wants nothing from me. Nothing. Not anymore. Not even friendship.
That thought makes me too sad for words, and while I’m still scared of seeing them together, I can’t stay here, staring at the walls for another night. It’s nearly the end of the week, and if I don’t get out of here, I’ll go crazy, replaying my fight with Harley, hearing her say she’s a free agent, over and over in my head, while worrying about what she’s doing, thinking about herkiss with Kaiden, and what else they might have moved on to since Monday.
“Dear God…” I mutter, getting up from the couch and going into the bedroom. I change my jeans, put on my boots, and then come back out and grab my keys from the table, pulling on my jacket as I head down the stairs.
There are five doors in the small lobby at the back of the store, including the one to my apartment, and the one that leads into the store itself, which is to my left. Other than that, the door opposite opens into the restrooms, and the one beside it to the small kitchen. But it’s the last one I head for… the one leads to the parking bay behind the store, and the garage where I store my bike, letting out a long breath as I stare at it.
This is what I need, and I wonder why I didn’t think of it before.
I know the answer…
It’s because I’ve been too preoccupied with thoughts of Harley. But for now, I need to put her out of my head and be somewhere else.
I pull on my helmet, glancing at Harley’s on the shelf, and then turn away, mounting up, and starting the engine. The noise is gratifyingly loud in here, and I sit back for a second, letting it soak in before I pull on my gloves, raise the kickstand and slowly pull away, driving along the track behind the shops, and coming out onto Main Street. I check left and right… not so much for traffic, but to make sure there are no cops around, and then I pull out, opening the throttle as I tear up the road, heading out of town.
I love this. It’s the biggest buzz, and the freedom I feel is like nothing else. I know Brady would pull me over, if he caught me… but that’s a big if, and I have to grin, and then chuckle to myself as I take the next corner, leaning hard to my right, my knee almost scraping against the asphalt.
Man… this is good.
It’s just what I need, and as the next curve comes up, I lean the other way, going with the bike, like I’m a part of it… or it’s a part of me. I can’t be sure which, but either way, this is heaven.
I glance to my left, slowing down when I spot one of the places I sometimes go with Harley, and the thought crosses my mind…
Now, that would be perfect.
After all, what could be better than having her on the back of the bike, clinging to me, giggling in my ear as we speed through the night? She’d love it, too, like no-one else ever has, and I bring the bike to a stop, my feet resting on the ground and my hands on the tank, while I recall the last time we came here. It was about six weeks ago, and the weather was a little cooler. We sat together, and she watched me sketch, listening to me talk about whoever it was I was dating at the time. I honestly can’t remember who that was. No name comes to mind, and neither does a face, nor what the problem was with her. But I know there was a problem, and that Harley listened, just like she always does.
Or did.
Because we were friends then, and we’re not now. At least, it doesn’t feel like we are. And that hurts. It’s my fault, but it still hurts… more than she’ll ever know.
I shake my head, and turn the bike, heading back home again… although I take it a lot slower and enjoy it a lot less.
So much for putting her out of my head.
As I ride back into Hart’s Creek, I’m about to turn right behind the antiques store, but then change my mind and pull over to the left instead, parking outside MD’s. I could use a drink, and although I’m aware I could easily leave the bike in the garage at home and walk back here, I know that isn’t whatwill happen. If I go home, I’ll inevitably walk upstairs to my apartment, where I know I have a couple of bottles of wine. The way I feel now, I think I’ll probably drink them both. At least if I’m at MD’s, Dawson will hopefully stop me from going too far.
I lock my helmet to the handlebars, pulling off my gloves and undoing my jacket as I wander inside the bar, but then let out a loud groan when I look across and see Harley and Kaiden sitting in a booth on the far side of the room. He’s holding her hand, and I wonder about turning around and leaving. It’s one thing to know they’re together, and even to think about what they’re doing… but to have to witness it first-hand is too much. Their kiss proved that to me, and I zip up my jacket again, those bottles of wine beckoning, just as Harley looks over, catching my eye. I stop, the zipper halfway up my chest, and stare at her, seeing something in her eyes I’ve never seen before. It’s something that makes me slowly lower the zipper again, even though at that moment Kaiden says something, and she turns around and looks at him instead of me.
I know what I saw just then, and now the very last thing I’m gonna do is leave… because what I saw was fear.
