Page 20 of Samhain
“You made a vow,” he said, clearing his throat, blinking back tear-filled eyes. “We all…We all made a vow.”
“We agreed we could sleep around,” I said.
“Yeah, but—” He straightened and righted his shoulders. “I don’t want to.”
“I can’t give you what you want.” What was the point? I would end up with the Prince of Monaco or whoever my grandmother decided was worth my time. This was a distraction, one that would end up hurting in the end.
“Come on, Juliet.” His eyes seemed lit from within, ignited by that infinite supply of sunshine burning at his core. He’d taken off the suit jacket and rolled the sleeves of his white button-down up to his elbows, revealing those muscular forearms I remembered so very well. His tie hung over his neck, the first few buttons of his shirt undone, his undershirt peeking through. “Can’t you pretend? Just for tonight?”
It didn’t have to be a big deal. Carter and I had been together before, many times. But this was different. There was no one else here, no threat of our lovers walking in on us. This would be because we wanted it, and I didn’t know how to feel about that.
He shook his head and let out a sad chuckle, turning to face the view of the ocean through my window. “I can’t bring myself to move on. They look happy, ya know? It’s killing me.”
“They’re faking it,” I said. “We both know they are.”
“They’ve loved each other their entire lives,” he said. “It’s getting more difficult to remember it’s a show.”
I wrapped my free hand around his bicep and rested my head on his shoulder, hoping to bring as much solace as he’d given to me. He relaxed and kissed my temple before circling his arms around my shoulders to pull me into a hug. He held me so tightly, I thought he might never let go. Perhaps I never wanted him to.
“All the world’s a stage, and we are merely players,” I said.
He hummed in agreement. “Do you think we’re a comedy or a tragedy?”
“Sort of feels like both, doesn’t it, Romeo?” I chuckled, what little remained of my heart shattering into a thousand tiny pieces. “If I didn’t laugh, I’d never stop crying.”
He gave me one last squeeze and nodded toward the bed.
“Let me stay here tonight with you,” he said. “We can keep it PG. I swear. But it feels better when we’re together, doesn’t it?”
I laughed quietly, remembering when I’d said that in Ireland. I still agreed with him, of course. It did feel better when we were together, and it felt the best when we were a four. But if I couldn’t have what I truly wanted, then I’d have Carter.
We’d have each other and bugger anyone who judged me for it.
Of all the troves of treasures at the house in Malibu, the one Carter fell in love with was the cherry red 1965 Aston Martin DB5 convertible. My uncle, the prince of Wales, had bought it in the late ’90s to impress women, but he’d since gotten old and stopped coming to Malibu. He hadn’t seen it in years.
The minute Carter’s eyes had landed on it, he wanted to take it out.
“Just a little spin?” he asked at the time. While my uncle probably wouldn’t notice, his son and my cousin, Edward, would. He came here more often than anyone, and he could be a prick if he wanted to be.
Anytime we’d go out in the garage, Carter would make a beeline for it and stand there with his hands in his pockets, admiring her soft curves and ample machinery. I didn’t take him for much of a car guy, but it never failed to rope him in.
Something about this night in particular made me cave. Maybe it was the way the sun setting over the ocean cast bright blushes on Carter’s cheeks, reminding me of Midsummer. Or maybe it was the shimmer in his eye when we heard a commercial for a gossip show that mentioned breaking news for Fairington fans…Lex and Ivy were seen ring shopping together. Or maybe it was because my soul was in shambles and no matter what I did, nothing could repair it.
Ivy’s words replayed in my head over and over again, crushing my heart.
“Please accept my boundary. I can’t deal with this right now.”
Boundary.
Once upon a time, she and I had no boundaries. I knew everything about her—the taste of her sweat as she climaxed, the curve of her smile first thing in the morning, the way she smelled right out of the shower. But now, all those memories seemed worlds away.
I hated feeling like this, and the miserable puffy eyes on Carter’s face told me he felt the same.
“Hey,” I said, getting his attention from across the living room.
He pursed his lips and crossed his arms, clearing his throat to try to hide his emotions. “Yeah?”
“Let’s go for a drive.”
