“Uncle Owen?”
Still sitting on the floor, I spin away from the stairs and the sound of Ivy’s small voice, wiping frantically at my face. She doesn’t need to see my tears. She doesn’t need to see me fall apart. She needs me to be strong.
“Are you crying?” Her voice is closer now.
“What? Oh, uh, no, I mean, um, just a little.” I dig my handkerchief out of my pocket. It’s still soiled and a little damp from Ivy’s tears earlier. I add mine to the mix.
Short arms come around my shoulders and wrap across the front of my neck. Ivy leans her small weight against me, her cheek pressed to my ear.
“It’s okay. I’m sad too.”
Fuck if that doesn’t make fresh tears spring to my eyes.
I nod, patting her clasped arms. “Yeah, I know. It’s okay to be sad.”
“We can be sad together.”
Jesus Christ. How does this six-year-old girl contain so much wisdom in her little body? I take a deep breath, drawing on the comfort she’s offering and letting it soothe my hurt like a balm on a wound.
I don’t know how to do this. I’m not convinced I can. A part of me wants to give up and quit, but I can’t do that. For Ivy, this precious, smart, strong little girl, I have to try. No matter how hard it is or how demanding, I owe it to her and to Jeremy to persevere and give it my all.
I smile, despite the pain still permeating every part of me. This is not easy, but at least I’m not alone.
“Yeah, we can be sad together.”
CHAPTER
THIRTEEN
EVEREST
Numb and in shock, I pull my hood over my head and hunch down into the warmth of the puffy coat as I stalk away from the house. There are too many thoughts and emotions all jumbled up inside me that I don’t know what to think or feel. There’s anger about what happened to Ivy. Insult from that kid showing up on our doorstep. Shock over Owen’s response. Arousal still lingering from our against-the-wall kiss. Hurt.
So much hurt. Because of everything. Losing Eden, getting my life turned upside down, and having to deal with Owen being an insufferable asshole every day.
Did I really think I could do this? I was an idiot. Stupid. Dumb. Maybe Owen is right about me being an irresponsible child. Maybe he’s right that I should never have been given custody of Ivy.
Nothing he said today is new. He’s said it all before. Numerous times. I’ve always let it slide off my back because Owen doesn’t fucking know what he’s talking about. He doesn’t know me. He’s never had anything to do with me. Why the hell should I care what the stuck-up prick thinks anyway?
But it’s different this time. Maybe because he kissed me. Or maybe because we’ve been spending so much time together in the past few weeks. Or maybe because I’m still raw over what happened to Ivy. Who the hell knows? Regardless, his words struck. And they struck hard.
I’ve been trying so damn hard to be responsible, to pull my weight and do right by Ivy. I’ve rearranged my work schedule. I haven’t gone out for drinks with the guys in weeks. I’ve basically written off clubbing and hooking up altogether. My entire life now revolves around this little girl and it’s still not enough for Owen.
Nothing I do will ever be enough for him. I will never live up to his impossible standards. I shouldn’t even bother to try. I never have in the past. But for some reason, the thought of proving him right, of meeting his lower-than-low expectations… it feels wrong and icky and suffocating. It feels like giving up.
I’m not afraid of giving up. I’m a pro at knowing when to call it quits and skip town. I just didn’t think I’dwantto give up on this—on Ivy.
I find myself in front of the bar down the street from Mars. The guys and I end up here a lot to grab drinks after work. Through the window, I can see some of them at a table near the front. Yes, this is exactly what I need.
Inside, Donnie, the spin instructor, is sitting with Gavin, Beau’s husband and co-owner of the gym, and Christian, one of our top personal trainers. They’re all quite a bit older than me and I don’t usually hang out with them, but they’ve always been nice.
“Hey, guys,” I greet them as I approach their table.
Without prompting, Christian silently pulls out the empty chair next to him and offers it to me. He’s a quiet, unassuming guy. He never seeks out the spotlight, but he’s by far the most popular trainer at the gym.
I slide into it as Gavin shoots me a concerned look.
“I thought you left early today. Logan said there was some emergency with your niece?” he asks.
