Molly rubbed a hand up and down his back, waiting for Jake to gather his emotions into words.
“It never seemed the right time. When Jesse was at home in those final days, it felt like I had to carry everyone. And when something like that happens, you put on this brave face… a mask that outwardly supports you for weeks… months. Friends and family think you’re doing fine, that the mist is lifting, and acceptance is within reach. But ultimately, it’s all bullshit.”
“I guess you have to give it time.”
“Maybe. But time hasn’t stepped up for me yet, and sometimes, I wonder if it ever will.” He glanced at her. “Do you get what I mean?”
“Yes. Not that I’ve personally experienced what you’ve been through. But I imagine grief doesn’t have a time limit.”
“No, but there’s still an expectation.”
“Perhaps from those who don’t understand.”
He nodded and rubbed his fingers along his jaw. “I was with Mum and Dad yesterday when they opened the photo book. Thank you. They love it. Jesse looked so happy… the happiest I’ve ever seen him. But there were no photos of the two of you together.”
“I thought that might be inappropriate, given how your mother feels about me.”
Jake turned to look at her. “You were the love of his life. I realize that now.”
Molly smiled sadly. She’d thought about the drumsticks and their meaning on the drive out to the cemetery. Jesse might have told his family that story, but that didn’t make it true.
“I’m not so sure about that.” She paused. “Where were you all day, anyway?”
He shrugged. “I drove out to the beach to watch the sunrise, then up to the falls. We went there a lot when we were kids, and Jesse would always get in the water, no matter what time of year. He loved it there.”
She understood. She’d been there only a few times, but it was a magical spot. “Are you ready to go home?”
“I’m not even sure where home is anymore.”
Molly wanted to say she felt the same way, but now wasn’t the time or place.
“There’s something I need to tell you.”
She waited.
“I’ve booked my flights.”
“Oh. Okay. When do you leave?”
“Thursday. I’ll only be gone for two weeks, three at the most. This year’s been tough, and honestly, I’m looking forward to the break.”
Looking forward to the break?From whom? The business… His parents… Her? “Yes, I can imagine.”
With the weight of his words heavy in her thoughts, Molly stood and fastened the buttons of her coat. “We really should get going.”
“Can you stay over?” Jake murmured.
There was no time to consider his question, so despite the knot tightening in her stomach, she stood and offered her hand. “Just for a little while.”
Molly followed his truck into the hillside suburbs, all the while wondering what would happen once they got to his house. She hadn’t slept well the night before and had to be at work by seven for an early client meeting, so the smart decision would be to see Jake safely inside, stay until he settled, and leave. However, right at that moment, smart decisions didn’t apply. Jake needed her, and she’d stay until dawn if necessary.
With the door of number eight Silkwood Crescent locked behind them, Molly removed her jacket before following him up the stairs. Jake headed straight to the en suite for a shower, discarding his sweater on the bedroom floor along the way. She longed to join him—to feel his skin against hers and his hands in her hair—but instead sat in the chair in the corner and scrolled through her phone until he’d finished.
With a towel wrapped around his waist, Jake reappeared from the bathroom, flopped down on the bed, and repeated his earlier question. “How did you know where to find me?”
“I have no idea. Intuition, I guess.”
“I never wanted to go back there, not until tonight anyway. It’s…”
