Page 47 of My Dark Divine
But I’m excited in a way that scares me. It’s rare for anyone to go to such lengths to arrange a surprise for me. A small part of me feels uncomfortable and anxious, as if I don’t deserve whatever he’s prepared, the doubt gnawing at my mind like a parasite. I can’t shake off that thought, but all I can do is wait and hope it fades the moment I see what he’s done. He always tells me how perfect I am and how I deserve the best.
And I know tonight will be special.
“I thinkI’m about to pass out,” I squeak, my voice filled with happiness as Zayden leads me across the room. He grips my trembling hands while we walk, guiding me carefully. I’m completely blindfolded, unable to see anything through the thick fabric, no matter how hard I try. “Oh, God?—”
“Do you trust me, baby?” he asks, his voice suddenly close to my ear. The word ‘baby’ sends a storm of butterflies through my stomach. Every time he says it, it feels like the first time.
“Yes,” I blurt out without hesitation. Because I do. I trust him.
He hums in approval, and I lick my dry lips, anticipation bubbling within me. The sound of a door clicking shut halts us after what feels like an eternity of walking, and I can’t help but laugh. I’m feeling so happy because he’s done it—whatever it is—for me. That thought alone makes me giddy.
When the blindfold falls from my eyes, I don’t open them right away. For a moment, I let myself relish the suspense, feel the warmth climbing my spine, and bask in the excitement intensifying around me.
Zayden waits patiently, and when I finally pry my eyes open, my breath catches in my throat. We’re in his bedroom, standing before a large king-sized bed draped in silky black sheets. The room is bathed in the soft glow of candles, their scent a blend of warm wax and caramel.
All set for me.
“Surprise, baby,” he whispers, placing a tender kiss on my cheek. His arms wrap around my waist, strong and steady. “It’s about time, don’t you think?”
I stay silent, unable to form a single word. My mind spins in circles, one thought overpowering the next. I know what he wants from me—or at least I think I do. It can’t be anything else, can it?
My mom and I had talked about this inevitable moment many times. Well, mostly she talked while I sat there, overwhelmed by embarrassment, staring at my hands and picking at the skin around my nails.
“Hey,” Zayden calls out softly, his grip tightening around me when I don’t respond. “You scared, baby?”
Am I scared? I knew this moment would come eventually. Every couple gets intimate at some point, right? Mom always said it’s the foundation of a lasting relationship. I’ve heard it from her, from my peers, and seen it in videos—I’m not clueless. I even imagined Zayden doing the things I’ve done to myself. I should be ready.
But I can’t speak. I can’t move.
Why can’t I move?
“I…” My voice falters, revealing my anxiety. “Don’t you think it’s a bit early for this?”
He stills, and I instantly regret it. I know I’m messing everything up. Most girls don’t get the kind of thoughtfulness I’m receiving. Their first times are rushed, awkward, and on dirty sheets. Zayden went above and beyond for me, and here I am, acting like a spoiled brat, devaluing everything he’s done.
“Oh, come on, Venetia,” he murmurs, his lips trailing down my neck. The kisses send a wave of heat through my body, making my head spin and my knees go weak from the sensations. “It’s the right time. We’ve been together for months. Other couples do this way earlier.”
“I just—” I’m cut off when his teeth sink into my skin. The burn spreads from the spot, clouding my vision with its intensity.
Without hesitation, his hands reach for the waistband of my jeans, swiftly unzipping and sliding them down. I wish he’d give me a second to process, but he’s already moving on, tugging my shirt over my head and tossing it to the floor.
“Zayden,” I mutter, but he silences me with a kiss, his lips firm against mine. It’s like he’s not fully present, driven by an invisible, primal force.
I try to push away the anxiety building inside me, to let go and give in to the moment. But I can’t. My thoughts press down on me like a suffocating weight I can’t get rid of. We kiss, and I can’t even bring myself to close my eyes. My hands move on their own, reaching for his, trying to push him away, though I don’t even know why.
Not that he notices. In a blur, he lifts me up, and, before I realize it, I’m on the bed with him hovering above me.
“Zayden, I’m not sure,” I say, my voice quivering with a rising sense of despair. I loathe the way I sound—so uncertain, so ungrateful. I hate myself for ruining everything, but I can’t ignore the fear twisting inside me.
I’m only fifteen. I know most girls my age might be ready for this, but I’m not. I feel like a mistake, a broken piece of something everyone else has figured out, and I don’t know how to fix it.
“Just relax,” he coos, pulling away from the kiss for a brief moment. His breath is warm, but it only heightens the panic simmering under my skin.
The rustling of his clothes jolts me into action, and without even processing it, I slap his chest, trying to pry him off me. “Zayden, please, get off,” I plead. “I need a moment. Just give me a moment.”
He grabs my hips, and in one, rigid movement, jerks me down. My bare back rubs across the sheets, sending a trail ofburning pain across my spine. “I promise, you’ll love this. Just trust me, baby.”
“Zayden.” A sob breaks from my throat, his name an echo in my psyche. “I’m begging you?—”
