Page 35 of The Embrace of Evergreen
This moment is exactly why I’ve fallen for this man. His strong jaw and lithe, muscular frame. His perfectly tan skin and tattoos and piercings and vibrant blue hair are attractive without a doubt, but it’s the way he so effortlessly puts me at ease and makes me laugh that has set him apart from everyone else.
“I umm…I came to talk to you actually, if you have a minute.”
He’s still standing in the foyer, halfway between the kitchen and the living area where I’ve been panicking and waiting on the sofa, so I draw in a breath, bracing myself for the worst, or maybe the best, and make my way nervously toward him.
“For you? Always.”
For me,always.God, I hope with every fiber of my being he really means it that way. It’s what I want more than anything, and I plead with all of the gods in the universe as I put one foot in front of the other and willmyself to find the words to tell this man that he’s all I’ve ever wanted.
I don’t know how many steps it takes to reach Blue. I don’t know how long I stand in front of him trying to gather the strength to utter the phrase that - one way or another - will change my life completely.I want you.I’m close enough that I can feel the heat from his body sinking into mine, threatening to burn me up until there’s nothing left but hope and ash. I’m close enough that I can see the flecks of gold and black in his stormy ocean eyes and the scent of smoke and apples overwhelms me and my heart is racing so fast that I can hear the blood rushing through my veins.
“Ethan, what…” The confusion in his voice jolts me from my reverie, and I cut him off before he has a chance to ask if I’m okay or to tell me I’m standing too close.
“Can I kiss you?”
Blue stumbles back, his eyes searching mine in what looks a bit like panic, but he doesn’t say no, and his heart is racing now too. I can see it pulsing along the side of his neck. His chest is rising and falling almost as quickly as mine, and even though I don’t know how I could ever have possibly gotten so lucky, whatever magic might exist in the universe must have spared me just one brief thought because I think he’s going to say yes.
He shakes his head. “Ethan, you said that you’ve never enjoyed…”
I rush to cut him off again. “Please. Can I kiss you? I know it seems sudden, but it’s not. It’s not a whim, and I’m not confused. I want you.”
I step closer, removing the small gap he placed between us when he stepped back.
“I want this.”
He leans in, closing the distance between us to a nearly imperceptible degree as his hand rises to cup my neck, the rough pads of his fingers tangling in my hair.
“Yes.” His whisper is so close that I feel his breath ghost across my lips. The word is so gentle, and his voice is filled with awe and need and too many other things for me to ever understand them all.
“Yes, you can kiss me. Jesus Christ, you can kiss me, Ethan. You can kiss me now and tomorrow and the tomorrow after that. I have thought about begging you to kiss me for days and weeks and months. Even just once, just one kiss so I can at least pretend to know what it’s like to have someone I want so much want me back. I’ve wanted you to kiss me even if it wasn’t real for you because then I could pretend for a moment. I could pretend there might be a chance that one day if I just held on to the excruciating hope that maybe I could somehow be enough for you, that one day it might happen. You can kiss me, Ethan. You can kiss me always.”
It's not the first time Blue has stolen my breath and my words. It's not the first time he's spilled his entire soul without thought or hesitation, as if that's a perfectly normal thing to do. Hell, he did it the first day we had coffee together.
A fire more intense than any other feeling I’ve ever experienced rushes through my veins, and I don’t know if I surge forward or if he does. All I know is that his lips are on mine, hot and rough and demanding, and it is everything. His lips part on a moan, and I slip my tongue between them, needing the taste and feel and warmth of him to overwhelm me. Whimpers and moans and quiet, breathless gasps of pleasure surround us and I don’t know whether they’re coming from Blue or from me, but it doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is the slide of his tongue against mine and the fact that the steel of his lip ring is as warm as his skin, and that knowledge is something that can never be taken from me.
His hands are cupping my face, fingers curling in my hair at the base of my neck and he’s crowding me against the counter, pressing his body to mine as if he never wants to stop touching me. His hands are trembling against my jaw as we share breath and our heartbeats race to match one another, and I want him to kiss me forever. My hands slide down his ribs, needing more. More of him and more proof that this is really happening and more and more. My fingers slip under his shirt, playing against the hot, firm skin of his back, and the muscles underneath that skin ripple as he presses closer still, pushing me back and sliding his thighbetween my legs. This is everything I have ever dreamed of; he is more than I’ve ever dreamed of. He cradles my jaw, gentle and tender, as if I’m fragile - as if I’m worth caring for - while his lips and his tongue and his body possess me and take me apart one breath, one heartbeat at a time.
I tear away with a curse or a whimper or a groan or his name falling from my lips. I’m so lost in the feel of him that I can’t even tell what sound I’m trying to make.
“Take me to bed.” I gasp as we fight to catch our breath, foreheads resting together, fingers still digging tightly into skin and hair and clothing, too afraid that if we let go, this moment will disappear.
“It’s too fast, Ethan. I want you more than you know, but I don’t want to push.”
“It’s not too fast. I’ve waited my entire life for this. For you. This is what I want, if you’ll have me. I want to know what it feels like to go to bed with someone who wants me, with someone who I want. I want to know that being touched can feel the way it always has in my dreams. I want to lose myself in you until there is nothing else in the world.”
He clutches at the back of my neck and nods, our noses brushing together with the movement. “Okay, Ethan. Yes. God, yes.”
“What…what do you want? You’ll need to tell me what you want. I don’t…I don’t know what I want, what I like. It’s…it’s always been awkward or uncomfortable because I’ve forced it. It doesn’t feel forced with you, but I don’t know if I’ll be any good. I’ll try. I want it to be good for you, but you have to tell me what you want, okay?” I know that I’m rambling, but I don’t feel insecure about it. I never do with Blue.
“Oh, darlin’. Beautiful, beautiful, sweet man.” Blue kisses my nose, his lips lingering so tenderly that my heart nearly shatters into pieces so tiny they might never fit together again. My whole life I’ve dreamed of someone kissing me like this, holding me like this, speaking to me like this. Like I’m not sad or broken or pathetic. Like I was worth waiting for and caring for. Like I matter.
“I want to make you feel good. I want to show you what you’ve been missing. I want you to know what it can be like. What it should be like. I want to learn every inch and curve and line of you. I want to count the freckles that I know must spread across your shoulders to match the handful that live on your nose. I want to take you apart and put you back together again and again and again. I don’t care if that means you’re inside me, or I’m inside you or if we just lie together and kiss until we can’t breathe or feel anything else. I just want you.”
“Yes. Jesus, yes. All of that. Any of it. Please.”
Blue smiles at me as his arms tighten around my ribs, and god, it is so bright and so blinding that I’m surethat the residual imprint of that smile will be burned into my retinas for the rest of my days.
We stumble down the hall pressed tightly together, unable to pull ourselves apart even for the few moments it would take to make it to his bedroom safely. It’s a chaotic tangle of mouths and limbs and clothing and laughter as we kiss and strip and touch while we walk. Our shirts are somewhere on the hallway floor, and when we hit the side of his bed, I finally reach out to trace the lines of the tattoos that cover his chest the way I’ve wanted to so many times in the past. It feels reverent and surreal to touch him like this, and the mood shifts around us in an instant. We’re no longer fevered and desperate like we were in the hall. We’re tender and gentle and awed as we come together. His hands are cupping my face again and his thumb traces my lower lip and I can feel my breath move across it when I exhale. His lips are on mine once more, and his body presses close, skin against skin, as my fingers play across his taut belly. His belly button is pierced, and the metal catches on my pinkie as my hand slides lower to fumble with the buttons of his jeans. He groans into my mouth as his hands roam down my ribs on their way to help, and then we’re awkwardly bending and shuffling, and our lips smile, still pressed together as we work our pants to the floor. Then he’s naked in front of me, and it’s everything I’ve ever dreamed it could be. His body is lithe and strong and agile against mine as he holds me close while my hands move across his skin. He gasps on an inhale when my fingertips brush across a nipple, and a whimperingmoan follows as my palm presses against his belly to slide lower once more.
