Page 48 of Playing with Desire
Trying her best to keep her sadness bottled up inside her, she smiled at Declan. “Yes, I do.” Because she had her own future to think about, and she had no clue if it might be with him or without him, and she had to prepare herself for the worst-case scenario to protect what was left of her heart.
He released her arm without further argument. “Okay.”
And that easily, Declan let her go a second time.
That night, lettingSummer go was the hardest thing Declan had been forced to do in a very long time, but he also knew it was the right decision to make, even if it killed him to have to hurt her in that manner when he wanted to promise her the world.
But Declan also knew he couldn’t, in good conscience, make any kind of commitment to her until he couldguaranteehis promises.
So, as difficult as it was, he respected the boundaries that Summer had set, letting her have her space while he took his. She’d found herself an apartment, and her girlfriends had come over this past weekend to help her move her things to her new place. Declan and Rick had offered their services, but she’d assured him that she could handle everything since most of her items were still in boxes in their garage, and she and her friends had easily loaded her things into Paige’s SUV.
After saying goodbye and giving him and Rick a too platonic hug that made Declan wonder and worry that he’d completely fucked things up with her, she was gone. And watching her walk away from him had been like an ironic slap in the face, a douse of cold water over his head, a twist in his heart, and all those other stupid clichés. But the possibility that he might lose her forever terrified him. And when she was gone and Rick turned to him with a shake of his head and thatyou’re an idiotlook in his eyes, Declan cut him off before his stepbrother could voice his unwanted opinion.
“Don’t say a fucking word,” Declan had told him, grinding his teeth irritably. “I’m figuring it out.”
“Maybe you ought to figure it out a little faster,” Rick had retorted sarcastically, and it had taken every ounce of control Declan possessed not to hijack his stepbrother from behind and beat the shit out of him for being such a dick. Again.
Declan was doing his best, and over the course of the next week, he explored all avenues of employment, because he wasn’t going to settle for anything less than having the kind of career he actually looked forward to. He’d been too focused on his anger when he’d first arrived home, but now he was giving his future serious thought.
He’d mulled over his options, one of which was going back to the military and serving overseas, but the lure had dissipated, and he no longer believed it was because he’d been retired from the field. He’d experienced the lack of excitement for his job when he’d originally returned to the Special Forces five months ago and walked away from Summer. His heart hadn’t been in those dangerous, adrenaline-inducing missions anymore, because he’d left every bit of it behind with the one woman who completed him in ways he’d never imagined.
It had taken him a while, but Declan had come to the realization that she was his reason for wanting somethingmoresince joining the military ten years ago. He’d wanted her since the moment he’d seen her at The Players Club, and she’d given him visions of coming home to a sweet, loving wife every day. A rambunctious family they’d raise together. And a full, wonderful life they’d build upon together, year after year. Declan could no longer deny that he needed her in his life as much as he needed air to breathe.
Now, he was in search of a way to give her everything she deserved without sacrificing her happiness or his own, which meant finding a new career that invigorated him as much as his previous occupation. The thought of taking a boring, tedious administrative job made him want to puke, so that option was immediately off the table. He’d visited nearby Camp Pendleton, which was one of the Department of Defense’s busiest bases. He’d met with a few recruiters and had been offered a position in one of their training facilities, but he’d left the interview with a restless, dissatisfied feeling in his gut and had turned down the offer.
But today... as Declan sat across from Mac and Dean in their boardroom at Noble and Associates, along with a few of their top security specialists in the firm—Logan, Sawyer, and Jace—Declan finally experienced the connection and sense of belonging he’d been waiting for. That camaraderie and bond that only fellow veterans understood as they discussed all the different levels within the company—including counterterrorism, corporate espionage, executive protection services, security consulting, and Rick’s position as head of the Cybersecurity Division.
Knowing he’d be trained in all areas, which meant facing constant challenges and different high-profile jobs, Declan felt the first spark of excitement since returning home. This was the kind of stimulating, exhilarating career that appealed to him and would feed his adrenaline-junkie soul.
After signing the employment contract, Declan stood up, along with Mac, Dean, and the other three men in the room, and shook everyone’s hand.
“Welcome to the team,” Logan said, slapping him on the back, the two of them well on their way to being good friends since they’d already spent time together.
“We’re definitely thrilled to have you on board,” Mac added.
Everyone dispersed, and Declan made his way down the hall toward where he knew Rick’s office was. He rapped his knuckles on the door and entered when his stepbrother said to come in.
Rick, who’d been viewing the three monitors in front of him that most likely had something to do with a cybersecurity issue, glanced up at Declan as he walked in.
“Well?” Rick asked, curious to know what decision Declan had come to after a week-long search for a suitable second career.
“It’s done,” Declan said, and the relief that filled him was intense and real. “I’m gainfully employed again, thanks to Mac and Dean.”
Rick grinned at him. “It’s about goddamn time.”
Declan shrugged. “I wasn’t going to settle for just anything.”
“You don’t have to explain or justify anything to me,” Rick said, holding his hands up. “I totally understand, because if you settled and took a job you hated, then I’d be the one dealing with a moody son of a bitch at home.”
Declan laughed, feeling lighter than he had in months. “I’m not concerned so much about you as I am Summer. I want to be the best man I can be for her.”
“You will be,” Rick said confidently. “You already are. Go and get your girl, Declan. You’ve made her wait and suffer long enough.”
He shifted on his feet, his stomach suddenly clenching nervously. “Wish me luck.”
“You don’t need it. Summer is yours,” Rick said, his words genuine. “She’salwaysbeen yours.”
Declan hoped to God that Rick was right, because he knew that not telling Summer how he truly felt about her before she’d moved out of the house meant every possibility existed that she’d decided he wasn’t worth the heartache he’d put her through.
